Fooled Around and Fell In Love

Start spreadin' the news....

2011-07-30T05:01:00.000-07:00

That was the title of Marks email to me Monday morning... the day before we left for NYC.

What a wonderful time we had. The long drive to NY made fun by singing together to songs on the radio.. chatting and laughing about people we passed. Stopping to enjoy a lunch of pre-made sandwiches at a rest stop along the way (along with a little bonus for Mark in the lot). Arriving finally in NJ where we unpacked and then took the transit into the city.

A wonderful dinner at a tiny Italian restaurant, walking around Times Square.. enjoying the craziness of the city, trying to maneuver through the subways, seeing the Yankees IN Yankee stadium. All the while, cherishing that we are sharing these things together. Two glorious days in the Big Apple. Even the long ride home was better, because we experienced it as a couple.

What a wonderful time. What a great city! Memories that will last a lifetime.

Two years... where has the time gone?

2011-07-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

Tuesday the 19th marked the 2 year anniversary of Mark and my relationship.

It wasn't our first date, or first phone conversation.. or first sexual experience together... it was the date of our first email exchange. That has been the date we celebrated each month of each year for the past 2 years. Unfortunately, Mark was out of town on business so we didn't celebrate the day together.. but, we plan to do that next week.

We are escaping ... 3 days.. in the Big Apple.. to see a Yankee game, do some fine dining.. maybe a show and relish the time away from life as it is here. It will be a celebration of still loving each other after all that has gone on.. despite the break ups.. the disappointments... the dreams we shared... the hopes that still loom large.. We are still each others best friends.

Yes, Mark is still married and living at home with his wife and children. There is no plan in place... and I have resigned myself to living my life, keeping busy and not having an expectation of anything happening anytime soon. I still dream the dream. I still receive an email from him and write him an email everyday. I still thank God for having met this man that truly taught me to love unconditionally and be loved in return.

On our anniversary date.. my email ended with this small piece:

So, thank you for writing that email (on July 19, 2009). For finding me. For loving me. For being my best friend and lover. For making me smile more than I have in a very long time. For these 2 years and hopefully for many more to come. For the days when everything is right with my world.

Today, 2 years later... life may not be what I had planned as my "happily ever after".. but, I don't regret a single thing, for ... I have been truly blessed to have fallen in love with my best friend.

Jigsaw puzzle............ (Jen)

2011-05-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

   Today... I wondered if there was anything left to say. Mark gave you the update of where we stand.. which of course is not much different than where we stood when we started this blog back in October of 2009, other than.. we are almost 2 years older!

    We spent the morning together before Mark departed for a business trip that would keep him away from me for a few days. Him not being in the same state is about the only thing that keeps us from seeing each other during the week... our morning was spent not being sad because he was going away but, as our time usually is. After our love making we sat in comfortable chatter, sharing stories of the week, reliving moments of our past growing up.. learning more and more about the people we came to be before we became Mark and Jen. I know enough about his family and friends and co-workers to feel as if I do know them although we have never met. The number of times during those couple of hours that we tell each other "I love you honey" or "you make me so happy" can't even be recounted because the words flow so freely. He makes me laugh like no one else can. Our sense of humors are so similar that.. we often say or type the same smart ass remark at the same time.

     I want you all to know that... yes.. when Mark told me he wasn't ready to leave his kids nor was he sure when he would be ready... My heart broke. I felt every piece of the puzzle begin to unravel. I was still going to be hiding in the shadows... fearful we might get caught... lying to friends and family.... spending weekends alone while the world celebrated. I asked him to let me go... to let me find someone who could give me all the things he couldn't... to have my life back and not have to wait for someone to think I was important enough to stand up for. He said he would ... he didn't want to hurt me anymore. So, we said our tearful goodbyes, wished each other well.. and began our non contact. It was pretty easy.. he was on a family vaca in Florida so... seeing each other was out of the question... and I stayed offline and turned off my phone for most of the week so I wouldn't be tempted. Joined the singles sites and started the grueling process of looking at profiles... reading emails and responding in kind... Trying, trying ... trying to start life over.

    Going through the motions.. and going so far as setting up coffee dates and a meet for drinks.

   Finally realizing.... you can't replace love with a stand in. You don't just get another guy when the guy you love is still in your heart.   I couldn't even bring myself to get another dog right away after mine was put down.. because, you need to grieve and accept and be ready to love again. What made me think I could just find another Mark to fill in?

    Seems silly... but... I am picking up the pieces of my life and filling in the puzzle as I find them. This is a big 1000 piece jigsaw and it's going to take some time to get it all together and figure out what the final picture looks like.

   In my heart of hearts... I hope it has Mark and I together, sharing our lives, our families and our love... but, it all remains to be seen.

He seems certain... and ... I can't help but believe him

Still .... (An update from Mark)

2011-05-05T03:00:00.000-07:00

Well, needless to say its been a while since we last checked in here. A long while. So many things have happened since that October breakup, that any attempts to enumerate them would be feeble. We've broken up ... we've gotten back together .. we've broken up again. Through it all, Jen started her own blog, Diary of a Break, which many of you have faithfully followed, including myself. Craving some attention of my own, I started my own blog, which lasted all of about 2 1/2 days before that foolish idea came crashing down. Many of you have kept in touch with Jen via email and comments on her blog, while I have taken a long hiatus from the blogging world. Why you might ask? Frankly, it turned me into someone I am not. I was morphing myself into a different person, one that I didn't like very much. And I just had to get back to who I was ... the person I was before the October breakup .... And just being away from it all has helped me do that.

And through it all -- as it stands on this spring morning in May -- Jen and I are still together .... No, not in the sense that she or I would like it to be .... No, not the fairy tale ending -- yet ... But we are still together and so very much in love. More today than yesterday. More so now than ever. Still each others best friend .. lover .. confidante .. soul mate .... But still almost two years after we started this wonderful journey ... Jen remains the "other woman". Hiding in the shadows. Me a real "somebody" in her life ... but as she reminds me, her a "nobody" in mine. Now of course I will argue that point up and down -- she consumes my thoughts every minute of every day and I move heaven and earth to make time to see her most nearly every weekday -- but nobody sees her point more than I do, and frankly, I want "the dream" just as much if not more than she does.

But right now .. at this very moment ... May, 2011... I can't leave my kids ... Not as they enter those critical teen years. And I told Jen that ... Finally ... That was a big step for me -- for both of us -- in that I've never been able to tell her that before in so many words. Because to tell you the truth, I wasn't convinced of that myself. I am still unwavering in knowing that I will leave someday -- there isn't a shred of doubt in my mind -- but its just not today. So as big a step as it was for me to admit that, it was even bigger knowing that I couldn't hold Jen back any longer. I had to let her move on from all this ... Find someone that she could spend her years doing the things she always wanted to do with me. Saturday night movies, holidays with her family, Sunday afternoons at the beach -- all those things she can't do as the "other woman". And as hard as it was for me to admit I couldn't leave my kids, it was even harder knowing I might have to let her go.

But still we persevere. Still we survive. Because nothing is stronger than the love we share for each other. Yes, its easy to say she or I have to move on, but when it comes down to it, you just don't "move on" from your best friend and lover. At one point a couple of weeks ago, I called her and asked "Do you ever imagine a time when we're not part of each others lives?" I know I don't. But Jen said if she ever really wanted to move on with her life, that yes, it would be almost impossible with me still in it.

But still here we are. Some two years later, still emailing each other every day. Still IM'ing every day. Three, sometimes four phone calls each day. Still seeing each other multiple times per week. Still laughing together. Still crying together. And still making passionate love together.

And I know in my heart, that someday we'll have that dream. Yes, I know I've said it a thousand times and yes, admittedly nothing much has changed from my perspective, but still I haven't lost sight of that. That dream won't be quelled until its become reality.

And it will be.

Our Holiday thoughts....

2010-12-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

As we approach the holidays ... and the end of the year...

I would like to wish all of you a very Happy Holiday and A Happy, Healthy and Properous New Year

from Mark and I...

It has been a trying couple months... we have both had some rough times outside of just the break up .. I think that all of this will be posted sometime in the near future...

True Love is hard to let go of..

We have both been disappointed....

We maintained our friendship throughout it all... and we have been again blessed to have such a great support of friends that we met here.... People who email or message to check on us even though we haven't been blogging. You all know who you are.. and you hail from all over the US and other continents. How would we have ever been so lucky to know these people if not for this blog?

In many ways... this blogging world has been a gift.. but, it has also caused some heartache. Therefore... we have promised each other to stay away from getting caught up in it. I am apologizing ... as many have before me... if we seem lax in commenting or reading, but... it's something we need to do for the moment.

We are working to see what comes next for us... but.. we haven't forgotten you all...

This time of year causes you to reflect on your losses and your blessings... We , like everyone, have had both... But those who have supported and befriended .. shared your comments and your thoughts... are something we hope we never lose.

Many BLESSINGS to you all... enjoy your family time... good food... and those gifts you can't wrap...

Merry Christmas !!

State of "affairs" ... (jen)

2010-12-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

I thought I might update for those of you who are still reading or still care about what is going on with Mark and I. And since this is still "our" blog .. I figured I could give a 'state of affair' post.

We are not out of touch. If anything.. we are probably more "together" without being physically together than ever. If that makes any sense.. then continue reading.

I guess what I am trying to say is... we are still in contact everyday, at least a couple of times a day. Whether it be via instant message or phone... we still chat at least first thing every morning and before bedtime. Our friendship is as strong as it has ever been.

Have we seen each other since that fateful day of Oct . 19th? We have .. a few times. If you don't read my blog you probably don't know about some of the stuff that has been going on in our personal lives but, suffice to say.. we have both faced some challenges of late. Mark in his family life... me in my both my personal and family life. We've gotten together a few times to share our sorrows, cry some tears and as we always do.. hold each other up.

Take note... there has been no "line crossing"... no sex (not even in Bill Clinton terms).. no make out sessions.. no clothing removal except for coats or shoes. But, each time.. we felt that comfort that we both get from each other and know that our friendship is as special as our relationship was.

What comes next for us? Of course.. that remains to be seen. We are 7 weeks into the break up. I think we both are handling things as best we know how. Mark knows where I stand and that this isn't going to last forever... meaning, my waiting to see what will happen. I as well am aware, that he may not leave anytime in the near future because he just isn't ready . Both of those 2 things could lead to us finally saying goodbye forever. We just couldn't possibly keep our lives on hold indefinitely. On the other hand... in light of some of the stuff that has been going on at Marks end.. he could be ready to leave sooner rather than later.

In the meantime... we keep in touch. Both of us knowing that tomorrow could be the day either one of us could say goodbye.. or it could be the day that he shows up at my door with his bag in hand. The holidays are going to be difficult .. the imagination runs wild about what could happen.. BUT...

I hope with the new year we can find our way to some sort of new opening... or closure if that is to be the case.

Happy Holidays to you.. and yours. Count your blessings, hug your kids and tell those you love how much they mean to you.. You never know what tomorrow could bring.

*hugs*

There's only one place that call me one of their own

2010-11-24T03:51:00.000-08:00

I just thought I'd say thanks to Jen for keeping everyone up to date as per our status. Yes, we indeed are alive and kickin'.

So why haven't I, Mark, been posting, you ask? Jen and I had this conversation yesterday. It's been very difficult for me emotionally to make my way to post here because it was and it still is "our" blog. About a year ago this time, Jen and I were conceiving the idea for this blog as we had been just recently introduced to the blog-o-sphere. We talked about our love for writing and the excitement of the anonymity of it all, and to tell you the truth, it was mostly conceived as the story of our sexual hi-jinks. My oh my, how that all changed -- a real story with real lives affecting real people was playing out before our eyes.

As the blog progressed, Jen and I would brainstorm posts together, take turns writing, discuss potential responses to comments, etc. And as the comments and emails rolled in, we started to form bonds with our commenters and other blogger friends. A good percentage of our conversations during the day would be discussing the latest posts from Frances and Daniel, Barefoot Dreamer, Adulter-Us, GLNO, Loverboy etc. This ultimately became "our little hobby" -- something that we did together. Every day I would pour over Google Analytics statistics to see where our readers were coming from, what new country had joined our growing list, who was reading us locally, what states did we need to complete our trek from sea-to-shining-sea. (We FINALLY got South Dakota last week and now have all 50 states plus the District of Columbia!). And I would excitedly report it all to Jen.

So yes, there's a big part of "us" here on Fooled Around and Fell in Love. 100% "us", as a matter of fact. And now that Jen has moved on primarily to her own blogging adventure, this blog has lost a lot of the "us" about it. While yes, she did post last week just to make up for my slacking, it still breaks my heart to visit here and see the history that we had between us -- the good times we enjoyed, the heartache we endured, and yes -- the mind-blowing sex we had and the love we made.

But you know what? Having said all that, hope springs eternal, and I'm not giving this up just yet. Consider this the first post of that comeback. And who knows? Maybe there's some underlying, subliminal message in all this. As the title of this post (from Bon Jovi's Who Says You Can't Go Home?) says "There's only one place that call me one of their own" .... And I've found that here amongst all of our blogging friends.

Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone!

we are still alive...

2010-11-20T04:42:00.000-08:00

(posted by Jen)

I know we have been lapse at posting...

Yesterday was one month from the day we broke up. It also would have been our 16 month 'anniversary' as a couple. There is some irony that the 19th signifies both days.. the best and the worse.

It has been difficult to come back to this page.. for both of us. Hard to think about writing anything when we have no good news to share at this point. Hard to talk about who we "were" as a couple and who we "are" now as a non couple.

Many of you have found my other blog and left some very nice comments. Supportive, sympathetic and kind. I thank you for that and just for caring still about us both. Understanding the tough choices going on here and how hard it is to try to keep you all informed.

Mark has really had difficulty putting "pen to paper" even though I know he would like to. Neither of us are having an easy time here.

Just so you know... we still chat daily. We don't really see each other so, that emptiness is very painful. But, the plus side to this is all is... we have communicated our feelings to a deeper level than we have in a very long time. Laying all those cards on the table so to speak. We do the day to day.. so, yes.. we are still alive...

but .. not really living.

Thank you all for being such wonderful "blog" friends.. we do appreciate all of you more than you know.

Public Service Announcement - Private Blogging

2010-11-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

Due to the sudden rash of bloggers being "outed" these days, and also to act as a public service for my fellow readers who just may happen to be cheating on their respective spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, mistress, lover or all of the above, you might want to consider using Mozilla Firefox as your browser and enable it's "Private Browsing" feature. This mode enables you to browse the internet without your computer saving any data about which sites and pages you have visited. For example, if a friend or family member shares your computer, you might prefer for them not to be able to see what websites you've visited or what files you've downloaded. And you can default Firefox to open up in this mode all the time! For more information on this feature, click here.

Now I understand that this isn't the be-all and end-all of safe browsing, but it does help. And this is certainly not to imply that all my readers are two-timing or three-timing adulterous deviates (not that there's anything wrong with that) ... It's just that if we can practice Safe Sex -- why not Safe Surfing?

And the Days Dwindle Down ... To a Precious Few

2010-11-01T03:57:00.001-07:00

September .... November .....

So where was I? Ahhh yes.

Like I said in my previous post, after our late-June breakup things changed a bit. While our relationship and love for each other was still strong -- stronger than ever, I might add -- moving forward we did avoid talking about our future and where it stood relative to "The Plan". And while I tended to turn a blind eye to the upcoming fork in the road, Jen didn't. But instead of coming clean with her concerns, she more or less kept everything under wraps. Yes, part of that was giving me a chance to grieve over my Mom during the summer months and not complicate things with our issues, but another part was simply sitting back, observing and waiting for me to make a move -- looking for some kind of evidence that The Plan is moving forward. And when she didn't see that happening, she started reading between the lines looking for evidence that it WASN'T going to happen.

For example, at some point during the summer I needed to restock my supply of chlorine for my swimming pool. And I mentioned that I didn't need much to get me through the rest of the summer, but I bought the 90 lb. drum anyway since it would then "get me through next summer". Needless to say, Jen didn't want to hear any plans of my swimming pool for "next summer". Now at the time I said this, she never mentioned to me that she was troubled by the statement. In fact I had no idea it was even an issue until she mentioned it after the fact in her now-defunct breakup blog. And when I saw that, my point all along was that the swimming pool would be there next summer whether I lived at the house or not, and chances were damn good I'd be financing the chlorine, so why not make the purchase that made the most economic sense?

Now don't get me wrong -- we didn't break up over a 90 lb drum of granular chlorine. But it serves as an example of how we weren't communicating the "big issues". And it eventually spelled our October doom.

So yes -- summer turned to fall and with the holidays approaching, the lack of any discussion of The Plan was gnawing at her. And on Tuesday, Oct 12 she sent me an email. You see, our morning email had been a long-standing hallmark of our relationship, carrying on daily for almost a year, but that too had started to dwindle during the summer months. And she poured her heart out - "I miss hearing (in your emails) how much you love me. How much you enjoy our time together.. how much you miss me when we aren't together. All the talk of a future and the things we would/could do together someday. I can't help but wonder, are these all signs of the upcoming end of the year? and what of "the plan"? We sure avoid that issue like the plague don't we?" And continued on to close with "I truly was blessed to have found you... for I still love you more and more each day. And if that all ends in a couple months, I won't have one single regret."

And now looking back, my reply accelerated the spiral ..

"But the one thing I will admit ... The end of the year ... your birthday coming up .. Thanksgiving .. Christmas ... New Years ... Yes .."the plan". It weighs heavy on my mind. So if there is one thing that's bothering me .....it's that... And that's the paradox. If there's one thing I'm sure of -- and I've never been MORE sure of anything in my life -- it's that you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But -- and of course you knew there would be a BUT there -- you know how I feel about my girls and the prospect of leaving them. It tears me up inside... But being without you tears me up inside ...Its such an overwhelming and mind-numbing thought process that yes -- I'm sure these are the "differences" you've noticed in me ... and there's not an hour that goes by in a day where the reality of it all doesn't slap me in the face... And what hurts me more than anything is how unfair this has been to you... Believe me, I understand that .. I realize that ...and I hate myself for doing this to you... And yes .. I don't talk about it anymore, and I don't blog about it anymore .. not because I love you any less or that I'm pretending everything is OK or I feel uncomfortable discussing any of this with you -- it's simply that its so painful. And the mere mention of "if it all ends in a couple months" -- well, needless to say I can't even fathom it. I just hate the "finality" ring to it all and I can't bear to think about it."

Little did I know that when I hit the "Send" button that morning, that we were one week away from saying goodbye.

Some of the best laid plans....

2010-10-29T03:54:00.000-07:00

So as promised, I'll continue to dribble out details of our "understanding" as I get the energy and enthusiasm up to post. But as you might recall from my Life is what Happens When You're Making Plans post, on that day back in January of this year we came to the agreement that never would we spend another miserable holiday season like we endured in 2009. And to quote "The Plan" from that post, that meant I would have to "resolve my current situation by then and leave Jen no doubt in her mind whatsoever that our lives together will soon begin, if not having done so already. And along the way -- between now and the end of 2010 - I have to give Jen hard evidence that the wheels are indeed in motion".

Now looking back, this was quite a heady plan to make after having known each other for less than 6 months. But we knew then -- as we do now -- that we had both found that special someone we wanted to spend the rest of our days with ... and The Plan seemed realistic.

So we forged on .....

But then June came, and that fateful Father's Day weekend, and The Plan was in jeopardy. Jen's confidence was severely shaken and for a brief period at the end of that month we broke up. And things kind of changed after that. Jen lost all confidence that I would ever leave, and the stresses of a relationship such as ours was starting to take it's toll on me. To complicate things, June and July were the last month's of life for my Mom, and I was dealing with that almost non-stop as well. Summer 2010 will go down as the most stressful period of my 51 young years, not only because of our breakup and my Mom's passing, but also because of the standard stuff an over-involved Dad commits to during the summer for his three kids aged 11, 12 and 15.

But we survived. Well, sort of. Talk of The Plan dwindled significantly -- to the point where it was almost never mentioned. And my excuse was -- and yes, I'll call it an "excuse" -- is that my time with Jen was my oasis from reality. You see, those couple of hours I would spend with her every day, or that extra daily time I would spend on the phone with her or Instant Messaging -- that was my escape from the daily grind that had become my life. If we wrote it once on this blog, we wrote it a million times -- during those moments, all was right with our world. And from my perspective, why complicate it all with talk about forever when I was craving a respite from the here and now?

Like I said -- an excuse for not dealing with reality.

But then heat of the summer faded into autumn. Which brought us to the here and now I was avoiding.....

More on that in the next post......

Time takes you by the hand directs you where to go..

2010-10-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Beryl for playing along and picking up the next line in that Green Day song.

Anyhow, I just want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and comments to yesterdays post. Apparently the readers are still there, as to date we've had 9 comments and 100+ visitors since I posted. You've all inspired me to continue posting to this blog, but gee -- if there's no "Mark & Jen" -- then what pray-tell am I to blog about? My opinion on whom my favorite winless NFL team should select in the 2011 Draft? My thoughts on Joe Girardi's managing of his pitching rotation in that fatal series vs. Texas? Or better yet, how much I despise the growing amount of time I spend at the Can and Bottle Return center of my local supermarkets?

While those are all very important and critical topics in my mundane life, I'll start with this. Today is now exactly one week since Jen and I decided to take a little break. So obviously I'm feeling somewhat verklempt and choked with emotion. And as the days wear on, I'll continue to let details emerge of what happened, but if you're looking for "my side of the story" or a War of the Roses breakup script, I must tell you -- there's no there "there". We came to this -- I'll call it an "understanding" -- yes, with plenty of tears and heartache, but no harsh words. Not a single word was uttered in anger because frankly, we have such an integral understanding and compassion for each others situation and circumstances that simply put, has inspired no rage nor resentment on either of our parts.

So since that day one week ago, Jen and I have had daily contact. Mostly via Instant Messaging, but there were a couple of phone calls when some health issues of hers flared up. But its nowhere near what we did when we were together, seeing each other a couple hours every day 4 to 6 days a week supplemented by three or four extended daily phone conversations, not to mention the sporadic texts and IM conversations. And I'll admit -- I miss those "connections" as much as I miss her touch, her kisses, her hugs.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little empty these days....

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road...

2010-10-25T03:49:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've all noticed we haven't been posting much as of late, and you're probably suspecting something is amiss in Mark and Jen's world.

Well, this time you're right.

Jen and I have taken a break here ... I hate to call it a breakup, but she started a journal entitled "Diary of A Breakup", so if it quacks like a breakup .... it's probably a breakup.

I won't get into the gory details or the reasons why because I know when it comes to these kind of affairs, its ALWAYS the married guy that comes off as the bad guy. So go ahead -- have at me. I know I'll hear the inevitable "man up" remarks -- it comes with the territory. As time passes, I'll probably come clean with more details, but for now I've kind of been in shutdown mode. It's taken me almost a week now just to author this post since I only thought it fair that people should know what's become of us.

So bottom line, we short-circuited the one year "Plan" at the nine month mark, just as it had been short-circuited at the 6 month mark. Somehow we survived that one -- will we survive this? Only time will tell.

Hard to say if this blog maintains it's interest to any of you anymore, but if I sense there's still visitors and commenters, I'll be more than happy to continue writing. Like Jen, penning my thoughts is somewhat therapeutic for me, and perhaps it'll help me make sense of it all.

And perhaps at some point in the not so very distant future, we'll both be in this together again....

HNT.... another view

2010-10-07T03:46:00.000-07:00

Last week I let Mark pick his favorite shot of the few I took... this week, I am posting mine.

Not much different, but... here goes.

...........HAPPY H N T ....................

Stop by Osbasso's place to see who else is playing today.

HNT - Good Morning

2010-09-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

Probably by the time you've read this post this morning, I'll already have snuggled up next to my love and done away with that sexy nightie .. On second thought, maybe we'll leave it on..

HAPPY HNT.... And go visit Osbasso and see who else we're waking up with this morning...

I think I'm "fall"ing for you......

2010-09-22T17:13:00.001-07:00

Happy Fall !

I love fall. I am a huge fan of the colors we get to see here in the northeast as the leaves change and the sky takes on hues of purple and shades of pink and orange. The cool nights. The chance to stoke up my fireplace. Wearing my warm comfy sweaters. The smell of the air after the leaves have begun to fall. More time with Mark alone at the house as my kid's schedules take on a more structured time frame. Our mornings in my bed before we head off to work.

Today, was one of those days where Mark came over very early... comes quietly into the house and slips under the covers with me. Every time I see my bedroom door open and him walk through, my heart starts beating faster. Especially when he comes dressed for work in his shirt and tie... so very sexy. He says he loves how warm my body is from being under the covers. Within moments of saying hello, we were kissing like teens in heat. We hadn't had this kind of time since our sleepover.. and making love to him was a longing I can't even put into words. I knew I was soaked just from kissing and when he slipped his finger into my panties.. he got evidence of how turned on I was.

Before long it was my turn to play. My fingers closed around his already hard cock and the moan I heard from him told me he was missing my touch. I can never resist the chance to move my mouth to his balls and suck and lick. Then move up to swallow his cock deep.. we were both on our sides and that offered Mark the opportunity to move his hips take control of the speed and depth. I love when he does this.. sometimes forcing it deep until I gag.. other times just fast short strokes as my lips stay closed tight around him. Wasn't long before I was asking him to fill me.

I was on my hands and knees waiting for him to enter.. and that moment when I finally feel him is always one of my favorites.. whether we are outright fucking or making love slow and tender. Today, was a bit of both.. definitely a perfect mix. I came first... biting the pillow so not to make too much noise as the house wasn't empty yet. Not long after Mark followed with his earth shattering orgasm. Stiffling his screams as much as possible.. which makes it all the more entertaining because, you truly never know what sounds Mark will make in the throes of the moment. Usually as he's coming down.. he will sing or yodel or make some crazy sound.. always making me laugh.

Our time was short but, we still had some special cuddle time which we both love. We relax, we talk, we laugh, we run our fingers over each other, look out the window at the beginnings of the day... just look at each other and smile and slip into one of Marks amazing hugs where I forget about all my troubles and the rest of the world.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. The end of the year is coming up fast and Fall will turn to winter. Winter will force us to look at the holiday seasons and revisit what happens next and make some hard decisions.

*sigh*
I wish Fall could last forever.

HNT success!!

2010-09-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

Mark and I had our "sleepover"... and it was an amazing day/night.(We have a video to prove it !!)

Details to follow... but rest assured, Mark spent a lot of time unclothed... like this:

and we spent a lot of time doing fun stuff like THIS ... in various positions of course.

I'd say the sleepover was a success. What do you think?

HAPPY HNT.... Go visit Osbasso and see who else is playing !

Let the countdown begin....

2010-09-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

In about 71 hours... I will be in a place I often dream about.

No, not the Carribean, not Capri, not even Las Vegas.

I will be right here... in my own home.. in my own room, in my own bed. This time though, I won't be alone. I will lie in bed next to the man who makes my heart flutter, brings that huge smile to my face and truly makes my day better.

As the 'girlfriend/mistress' I almost never get to sleep next to the man I love. As a matter of fact, in the 14 months we have been together... we have slept in the same bed only 3 times.

I envy those of you who have the luxury of that every night. Feeling his warm body next to yours, his breath on your neck, his arms wrapped around you especially during those dreadful storms. Waking up to hear his lips whisper "I love you" as he kisses you good morning to start the day. Ohhhh, how lucky you are.

On Tuesday night, I get to have Mark all to myself... in my house, in my room and in my bed.. until the morning light.. and you know what ?

There is nowhere else in this world I would rather be.

It's centrifugal motion .. it's perpetual bliss...

2010-09-07T04:59:00.000-07:00

Back before I met Jen, the one thing I really missed most from an intimate relationship was the kissing. I always thought kissing was very underrated ... but little did I realize how underrated it REALLY was until I found my perfect partner in Jen. I mean .. when I say our kissing is hot - I mean it's SMOKING HOT. Instant hard-on hot. Panty-soaking hot (speaking for Jen). Since Jen's kids are still home much of the time (especially during the summer), full-on naked wall-pounding primate sex is not always in the cards, so we'll steal away to her bedroom for a while and have one of our intense make-out sessions. And I'll tell you what -- it's intoxicating. Fourteen months into this, and I still can't get enough of our tongue-tangling sessions. Just yesterday afternoon I had about a half-hour window of time where I could sneak away to catch a couple innings of the Yankees game with her, and of course it wasn't too long before we were rolling around on the bed playing tonsil hockey.

And today's another day!!!!!

Another milestone... and the big 300 !

2010-09-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

We hit another milestone today. It was one year ago that Mark and I had sex for the first time.

If you recall.. we celebrated our first anniversary of meeting back in July. We knew almost from that first cup of coffee on that picnic bench a year ago that... we had something special. We talked for 3 hours that first day in what seemed like minutes. We even spent another 10 minutes saying good bye at our cars. No kissing, almost no touching... just that special communication that comes with your eyes, your laugh and the sound of your voice.

Although we met on Ashley Madison with the intention of finding someone to satisfy our physical needs... something told us that day that we had found so much more. So instead of running to the nearest motel after we met … we spent the next month and a half getting to know each other. Lunches in the park where we shared that first kiss, our first lunch out in public at a restaurant, our first time at my house meeting my kids. So many firsts and each day we realized how special what we had was. The reality of falling in love with a married man didn't hit until much later.

Then, we finally decided we were ready to take that step. We set a date and worked out our stories so we could meet and consummate this relationship. I checked into the hotel the day before. I went up to the room and lay on the bed.. thinking about what would happen there the next morning. I put candles in the room, whipped cream in the fridge, and texted Mark to tell him how nervous and excited I was. Then went home to try to sleep in anticipation of the long awaited moment when I could lay naked with him, feel him get hard as my lips covered him, then that amazing feeling of his hard cock pressing into me and spreading me open as pushes in deeper. The day turned out even better than I had imagined. With only a few hours we managed to make the most of it, the final orgasm count for that morning was 4 for me and 3 for Mark. He joked about starting a counter to keep track of them and before I knew it.. the Orgas-o-meter was born.

Mark has kept track of each and every time we have been together and where and how many of the BIG O's each of us have had. It even keeps track of the things we managed to cross off the bucket list. Today.. as we celebrated our one year of lovemaking... we did it by hitting our 300th and 301st .

I still love the feel and taste of his cock... the way he makes me squirm when his tongue plays with my clit... the feeling as the head of his big cock begins to push into me and my pussy grips around him. After one year and over 300 amazing climaxes... it's still incredible and never enough.

Happy Anniversary Darling...I love you ...

you make all right with my world.

HNT - A Pirate's Life for Me

2010-09-02T02:08:00.001-07:00

Let's see. Just knocked off Fantasy #56 on our Bucket List -- Outdoor Sex. Anything else we can check off while we're still here? Hmmmmm.. How 'bout #60 -- Boat Sex? Still got time. Still have the hot sun. Still have two willing lovers anxious to get naked. All we need is the boat.

Gee.... I wonder if anyone left the keys in one of them there vessels .....

Not exactly Half-Nekkid .. But I am sportin' those shortie britches....

Fantasy #56 - Mission Accomplished

2010-08-23T03:14:00.001-07:00

While on our recent Day Trip to the Finger Lakes, Jen and I were determined to fulfill Item #56 on our Fantasy Bucket List - Outdoor Sex. So we strolled along the lake looking for an opportune spot, and found an open meadow with a clump of trees behind which we went to work.

Because we had been having heavy makeout sessions throughout the morning -- Jen giving me periodic cock massages through my shorts and in turn, my fingers finding my way up her capri pants to her ever-moist pussy -- there was no foreplay required when we threw our blanket down. Jen quickly pulled her capri's and panties off one leg whilst I pulled down my shorts, exposing my already rigid cock through my boxers. And we went right to work.

It lasted about 30 seconds. As I began to thrust deep inside her, I knew I wasn't going to last. I started to slow down and was terrified I was going to finish too soon when I heard those words that are music to my ears "I'm gonna cum baby ... Don't stop .. just like that ... yeah .. that's it..." And we both exploded in unison. It was a pure, pent-up, lustful fuck. We did hear some giggling coming from a boat parked not too far offshore, but did they see us? Probably not -- but if they did, who cares? It gave 'em something to talk about back at the office.

Before we picked up and made our getaway, I shot this photo at the Scene of the Crime...

HNT - Sittin' By the Dock of the Bay

2010-08-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lounging around one of the local Finger Lakes last week when I just had to sneak a peak at these buoys....

Happy HNT, Matey's!

and so... it goes.

2010-08-11T04:37:00.000-07:00

Just checking in here. We have noticed that in the summer months (in this hemisphere), fewer people are blogging and probably fewer yet are reading. Still, I wanted to sneak in and give you some updates here.

Since we last filled you in, we managed to go out to dinner to celebrate our one year (always a perk when you can sit out in a public place and pretend to be normal), we had some wonderful days together in the pool just relaxing and drinking (some snoring, but wasn't me), incredible sex and lovemaking (different if you ask me) with details to follow on at least one of those sessions, and a "date" set for tomorrow.. out of town, away from the locals, just Mark and me enjoying the day and each other.

I think I appreciate what we have so much more after the time without him. Lots of questions still swirling about though.
Is it all perfect? Of course not.
Do I still have my moments? most definitely.
Is there still that lingering anxiety... always.
Do I love him? more than any man ever (with the exception of my Dad)
Do I ever feel guilty? Strangely, not so much about "the wife" but, about the kids.. oh yes.
Now that we are back together .. do I still go through batteries? Not as many but, every chance I get!

So.....for now, we forge ahead one day at a time. Enjoying how we bring out the best in each other whenever we are together.

Live, Love, Laugh!

That we do.

How does this happen?

2010-08-09T03:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to an email from our friend Leah over at Diary of a Late Starter:

Folks, Google have deleted my blog for reasons of SPAM. As I've done nothing to warrant this I can only imagine someone's hacked into the account and has been sending stuff out in my name.

If you've received anything, please will you tell me?

I'll try and set up the blog again but it will take a bit of time. Jeez, I'm so mad about it - all that stuff from the past year has now gone including a host of followers.

Virtual hugs most welcome

L xxxxxx

Poor thing is devastated. How does this happen? Google randomly deletes your blog? She certainly wasn't writing or posting anything to warrant this.

Anyway... stay aware and just letting you know if you click her link and she's not there..

It wasn't her doing... it was someone or something...that deleted her with a click of a button..

Scary if you ask me!

Summer days.. drifting away.... HNT

2010-08-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

It's summer here... pool is open, sun is shining, drink in hand...
Mark and I spend a lot of our time here in my pool but tonight,
I am alone so..
a solo HNT celebrating this wonderful season.

Next time Mark is here.. we promise to make it a 2-fer.

Click here for a different view

Following up on your comments

2010-08-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone that has taken the time to comment and email us over the past many weeks, offering your sympathies for the passing of my Mom and to share your thoughts to Jen and I as we endured a very volatile period in our relationship during the past month or so. As you might expect, it has been a very difficult time for me and only now have I been able to pick myself up and address some of the points made by our loyal following during our breakup.

So yesterday's Recharging the Batteries post by Jen triggered a comment from Florida Dom, and I felt compelled to respond. FD: Your comment is a fair one and believe me when I tell you that thoughts of how fair I'm being with Jen, the Wife and the kids are all-consuming. Not to mention being fair to myself. I think about this almost non-stop.

But one point I feel obliged to counter -- a point made by almost everyone who has provided insight into my situation -- is that my kids are unhappy. They simply are not. And yes, I know the response will be that I'm just being blind to their unhappiness, but if there's one thing I DO know through all this is that my kids are some of the most balanced, well-adjusted kids I've ever known. Yes, my oldest is a teenager and has those issues to deal with, but there's no denying he's happy and content with his life. With my girls, it's unquestionable. Like I've told Jen so many times, I wish everyone could view a Web-cam into my world, and I think it wouldn't be long before you agree.

And that's what makes this all so difficult. If there was any hint whatsoever that any one of them was unhappy with their situation at home, I would make the break in a heartbeat. In fact, I would have done this months ago, probably before Jen and I even met. But at this particular moment - August 4, 2010 - my kids are the happiest kids in the world, and a sure-fire way of screwing that up would be for me to throw THIS hand-grenade in the room.

So please understand -- I know on the surface it appears that I'm being unfair to everyone, but its just not as simple as that. I never planned on getting myself into this situation, nor did Jen. It just ........ happened. And now we're both trying to work through it because the only thing we DO know is how much we love each other .. And in the end, that's what makes all the angst, all the heartache, and all the complications worth fighting for. I guarantee everyone -- this WILL work out - I've never been more confident of anything in my life.

Recharging the Batteries

2010-08-03T03:21:00.000-07:00

So, we all know sex is amazing but, there is nothing like 'make up' sex. That urgency to feel each other again after that time apart.. it's like an itch that needs to be scratched.

After deciding to hang in there for the year, giving Mark time to get his ducks in a row...knowing we were emotionally back together, we looked forward to the opportunity to 'reconnect' physically as well. We had a running joke about how many batteries I had been through during the course of the break up and although funny... it was absolutely true. We were going to take pics of the empty Duracell packages in my nightstand to prove it. I am a girl who loves to pleasure and be pleasured, even if it comes in the form of a plastic toy with varying speeds of vibrating power that make things quiver in very happy places. But, nothing compares to having Mark there, using all of his body parts to make me moan, scream, sigh and tremble. I was looking forward to being with him again almost as much as the first time we ever made love.

As we lay on my bed, we kissed as if we were savoring every second. Our tongues love to play, lick and our hands moved slowly over each other. I enjoy that light fingertip touch as they run over his arms, his back, along the insides of his thighs.. barely touching. Running softly over his cock bringing that moan from his lips and that twitch of his manhood making it harden for me. Mark whispers how much he has missed sucking my tits and he quickly moves over me... sliding his tongue between my cleavage. God, how I've missed him. Slowly clothes begin to hit the floor and we lay naked together. I feel the juices flowing when he closes his lips over my nipple and does that suck and nibble thing that drives me insane.

Moving down to taste me, he slides a finger inside and services my clit with his mouth and makes sure that I cum so hard he can't even touch me for a time as every nerve in my body seems to be standing on end. It's so hot how he moves up to kiss me so I can taste myself on his lips and he slips his finger between us so we can both lick it clean. I of course, have to return the favor because for me there is nothing as sexy as sucking and licking him to a frenzy. When my mouth hovers over him.. I love to blow across the head before my tongue slips in for the attack. His hips pushing up towards my mouth as he eagerly wants to be deep in my throat.

Mark asked if we could fuck on the floor... one of those things on our bucket list... and that we did. This is when the lovemaking turned to sex. That need to be satisfied overtakes all sense of being proper. When we collapsed in a heap on the floor, we were spent and sated.. We also left quite the mess on the carpet for me to clean up the next day.

Our time together is like none I have had before. It's not just sexual, it's emotional, loving and the best part of any day is the time we are together. We loved our reunion so much.. we did it again the next day...

and the next.

Why Let it Go?

2010-07-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

We apologize for taking so long to bring you up to date regarding our relationship, but things kind of took on a life of their own and unforeseen complications made us put the blog on a back burner for a bit. Let me bring you up to speed.

Early in our relationship Mark's Mom had been complaining of back pain. On Dec.23rd Mark got the call from his sister that it was cancer. So despite having to deal with all the other issues at hand, he was also doing the Dr./chemo thing with his Mom. Early test results after the first round of chemo seemed promising, so we had great hope.

As so often happens with this dreadful disease, it made it's comeback with a vengeance and Mark's poor Mom began to falter. Not eating, long bouts of just sleeping, constant pain and his poor Dad who appears in the early stages of some sort of dementia, unable to remember from day to day that his poor wife was dying. This all came to a head right after our break up as she became so weak she entered the Hospice facility. Mark was with her every free moment, along with his family. We have often stated that over this last year, we have not just become lovers, but each others best friend. Mark has lost contact with most of his good friends over the years because the wife felt his time with them was “ruining the marriage”. We still needed and wanted to share our good and bad moments, especially this turn of events.. so, we stayed in touch as he kept me updated.

The days following the break up were brutal for both of us. I cried most of the weekend.. wavering between how much I missed him and how I felt I was doing the best thing for him and for me. How could this be right if it felt so bad? The big picture of giving him his family back was getting harder to see. Days went on... we kept in touch via IM or text as his Mom became less responsive, Mark began to realize that she may not survive this much longer, all of this just days after our break up.

Now...add to that .. I started having 'female' problems. At 50 I was hoping I was done with this stuff, but.. not me. . I thought these problems were just due to the stress of all that was going on but finally after chatting with Mark I gave in and made an appointment with my Gyn. I came to find some heartbreaking and disturbing news and I had no one I wanted to talk to more than my best friend. We finally decided to see each other and made a date for lunch the next day..

I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw him, but I knew my heart was pounding in my chest in anticipation. We were going through so many different emotional loops between the break up, his mother and my issues. I was outside as his car pulled up.. and the minute he walked out of the car and toward me.. I couldn't keep myself from wrapping my arms around him for one of my favorite Mark hugs. No fear, no doubts, no cares or concerns … all I knew was, this is the best place in the world to be and nothing felt more right. As we sat and talked, it wasn't long before we talked about the promises we made... the year long plan and our future to be together. My therapist said I had lost that sparkle in my eyes.. but, being with Mark for that first time in awhile made everything all right. .

Mark's Mom passed away a few days ago.. and I know he is grieving and needs his family around him.. I know that my being there for him then and now helped to make this a tiny bit easier.. but, now we get back to life. We are back to “US” for we both realized that when we are together...

All is right with the world.

Can You Stop the Rain?

2010-07-21T03:19:00.000-07:00

Now where did we leave off? Ahhhh yes ... that Monday night when I had "the talk" with The Wife. Well, the attempted talk, that is. And still no resolution on the status of our so-called marriage.

So as Jen described in her post, I kept her abreast of what was going on through a series of texts that night. And while I could tell she truly felt my pain - as she had lived through nights like these so many times with her ex -- I still knew in my heart that this would likely be the straw that broke the camels back ... That finally pushed her over the edge and to the point where she would say "I just can't take it any more". And of course -- as is well-documented in my posts here -- with her appointment with her therapist looming only 3 days away, I just knew it would get worse long before it would have any chance to get better.

So a couple days - Tuesday and Wednesday -- were spent on pins and needles. There really was no sense in wallowing in small talk and relationship building, since Therapy Thursday would render all that meaningless anyway. So we bode our time until her appointment that mid-Thursday afternoon.

And I waited ... and waited ... the appointment came and went and I monitored my Yahoo IM account at work waiting for her to come online, not really being able to focus on anything work-related. And eventually, there she appeared. We chatted briefly online, then she called me.. And for awhile we talked about anything BUT what was said in her session, making mostly small talk about some problems she was having with her swimming pool.

But as the conversation waned, I knew there was no point in delaying the inevitable. I asked "So I understand if you don't want to talk about this now or on the phone, but we're going to have to eventually. How did your appointment go?"

And then I could her her sniffling, the tears, and the pain in her crackling voice when she finally said "I think I'm going to have to take a break from all this .. I just can't take this anymore..."

And from there the conversation continued for awhile, but we knew as we spoke that this would probably be the last time we talked ... So we hung on -- for quite awhile .. But finally, our goodbye's were said ...

And the phone clicked.... And the IM account went dark. And the cell phone didn't vibrate anymore ..

I made my way through the rest of that Thursday late-afternoon better than I expected, having a million other things to distract me that early evening, but finally I found myself alone in my car driving home from a youth baseball meeting. And to keep my mind off everything, I was listening to the NBA Draft on my SiriusXM satellite radio. But then - like a fool - I pushed the preset for the Love Channel .. And when Peabo Bryson's "Can You Stop the Rain" started to play, it finally hit me all at once ...

Baby, can you stop the rain from falling?
Won't you chase my clouds away?
I'd give anything to see the sun again,
Only you can stop these tears from falling

Only then did I realize ... she's gone .... And I sobbed uncontrollably the rest of the drive home.

Thursday turned to Friday .. which turned to Saturday ... and then?

Funny thing, those clouds started breaking up....

One year ago today...

2010-07-19T02:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, July 19th, 2009 .... I threw caution to the wind, opened my wallet, and spent 5 credits on this AM message to a certain Wide Eyed Wonder .... The rest of course, is history.

Subject: The only words that you can hear, is when I whisper in your ear...

I was just reading your profile, and those words popped into my head from Herman's Hermit's "Kind of Hush".. But it's probably a little early in our relationship to finish the lyric to that line, don't you think? HAH!!!!

So anyway, how is your search going here on Ashley? I've had limited success, and by success I mean a handful of email exchanges. Nothing more than that... Hopefully, I have better luck this time.

Anyway, I'm married of course and looking to stay that way, but there is a heck of a lot missing at home, both physically and emotionally. But you've probably heard that story before, haven't you? But no matter what, every situation is unique, so I'd love to tell you my story someday. And more than that, I'd like to hear yours. Hopefully you'll respond to my message and we can be on our merry way. I'm very responsive to emails as I'm near a computer almost 24 hours a day, so I'd enjoy hearing more from you. And I'd be more than happy to provide you a pic after an email or two, just till I can convince myself you're not a) my neighbor, b) my wife -- UGH!!! or c) the woman that works in the office next to me. Yeah, maybe I'm a little paranoid, but you never know with these things!!!

Hope you're having a good day, and I hope to hear more from you.

"Just don't give up, I'm working it out...Please don't give in, I won't let you down"

2010-07-15T03:56:00.000-07:00

These words really hit home... especially now...

Hey, slow it down whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah I'm afraid whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn
But now, here we are so whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see (plain to see)
that baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
(nothing wrong with you)
It's me, I'm a freak (yeah)
but thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly
(it perfectly)

There might have been a time
When I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep comin around
Hey, whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)

Just don't give up on me
(uuuuuuh) I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

(So hey) just don't give up
I'm workin it out
Please don't give in,
I won't let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in, i won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me (whataya want from me)
whataya want from me

Monday mornin' couldn't guarantee.....

2010-07-11T05:04:00.000-07:00

That Monday evening, you would still be here with me...

- Mama's and the Papa's (showing my age)

First off.. many thanks to our "friends" who have offered advice and words of support either via email or comment. It really does mean a whole lot to both of us. We have come to see how lucky we are to have so many folks who truly care about what becomes of us. We will continue to keep you updated but we still have that week to tell you about...

That Monday...( from my end.)

We both already told you about Mark's terrible Father's Day. I received texts from him all day saying how miserable he was, how upset his youngest was, and how it was still only midafternoon by that point. I of course felt so bad for him.. and yet, so helpless. I just reminded him how much I loved him and if he needed me.. I was a phone call away.

Our Monday lunch was in our favorite park, in our favorite spot.. on our blanket. We have spent many an hour there this past year... getting to know each other, kissing, talking, laughing and yes, even eating. The feel of this day was so very different. He wasn't his usual happy self. The day before had def sent some wheels in motion and I didn't know what to think. I certainly didn't sit down on that blanket that day thinking, this may be the last time I see him.

But, as the conversation began.. and he told me of the sobbing of his daughter as the wife and he fought.. and how he realized what a different person he had become. At that point, my heart sank. He used to tell me he was a different person with me than at home.. but, that I saw the good side of Mark.. At home, he was quiet and careful not to say or do anything to set things off. He and 'the wife' seldom talked about anything he said.. but, he and I talked about everything. Suddenly, I felt the hammer drop. He wasn't happy. He hurt seeing his child in pain.. and he didn't like fighting back and making that happen. Mark is much like I was in my marriage.. the peacekeeper. Don't make waves.. just make sure everyone thinks everything is ok, and maybe it will be.

What do I say? From the tone of the conversation, this was going to end poorly for me. I could feel the “I can't leave my kids” coming from his mouth.. although he couldn't form the words to say it. I kept saying, 'you won't lose your kids.. they will always be your kids'.. but, when he said.. “Allison (middle child) still comes to kiss me goodnight every night” with tears in his eyes... I knew, I was foolish to keep fighting. I cried as I told him that, I needed to stop this then. I couldn't continue to hurt him, his kids and even his wife or myself. I felt like it was what he wanted to hear. No more feeling guilty about me or them. I was freeing him... for what I felt was a life of misery.. or a pretend life of happiness... BUT, I was sure it was what he wanted.

Then again, maybe I was wrong. He begged me to give him time to talk to her. He promised that he was finally ready to ask her what she wanted of him .. of them. He was hoping I am sure that she would say.. “I want you to move out”.. but, we all knew that wasn't coming. She stands to lose too much. So, yes... she deflected the whole conversation to what HE was doing to make them miserable.

The sad thing is... he bought in to it. Blamed himself for their terrible marriage because he has emotionally checked out after years of unhappiness. His last text came to me at about 1am... my heart broke for him as I read it.. it was so apparent how drained he was. I heard the beep of my phone and opened my eyes to see:

“I wish I were dead”

I cried myself back to sleep.

It's so funny, how we don't talk anymore...

2010-07-09T08:26:00.001-07:00

Cliff Richard.... Wow .. that's really reaching back .. Into the 70s, I think.

As you may recall from my last post, Jen suggested it was time for me to sit down with The Wife and have "the talk" -- the "what do you want from me and where is this marriage going?" talk. Now Jen has been urging me to do this for a while now -- not just for her own peace of mind, but for mine as well. So the Monday after the Father's Day Debacle, I decided that time had come and I would talk to her that evening after the kids went to bed.

And one thing leads to another that afternoon and evening, one distraction after another, and the next thing you know I'm snoring away on my bed by 9pm. The talk still hasn't happened. But around 11:30 I awake to find her yelling at me over some non-nonsensical minutiae, and despite being exhausted beyond words, I knew I had to initiate "The Talk".

It's at this point I'd like to harken back on a comment that our good friend nitebyrd made to my previous post: "I hope that your wife will not just hear your words to her but will also listen to you". Well, THAT turned out to be a complete fantasy. I started the conversation with a "We've got to talk .. We have some REAL problems here..." and was hoping that she'd have one ounce of sympathy in her to say "Yeah, you're right -- what's the end game here?" or something to that effect, but no .. she immediately adopted a confrontational position. Ain't no "listening" going on here. I tried to be calm .. I tried to be rationale .. I tried to discuss things like an adult ... but she would have none of THAT. Everything was thrown back in my face -- how miserable I've been lately, how emotionally removed I had been from the family for quite some time -- all the things I KNOW I had admittedly become were just being rehashed and regurgitated back at me without one concern whatsoever as to WHY I had been acting that way. And when I tried to explain .. when I made remarks like "You know, you are the one and only person in this whole world that I simply can not talk to .. not even have a conversation with .. its been that way for years", she would have none of that. She could have cared less about the root cause of the problem -- all she knew was that I was the one that was going to have to change. And this confrontation went on for well over an hour. By 1am I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and had to get to sleep.

And STILL .. no resolution. Nothing had changed... And now my focus was how was I going to explain this to Jen? I didn't have the answer I was looking for .. Jen certainly wasn't going to have the answer SHE was looking for .... AND ....

...the appointment with her therapist was looming just two days away. I was wound tighter than a drum. I was beaten down physically and emotionally over a 48 hour period and I knew .. I just KNEW .. that the week was going to get worse.

And my instincts were spot on.

So many tears I've cried, so much pain inside

2010-07-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

...but baby it ain't over 'till it's over. Lenny Kravitz.

Well, by now you've all heard what's transpired over the past couple of weeks between Jen and I. And I want to take the time to thank everyone for their heartfelt thoughts, kind words and yes -- even the "I told you so's" Some of the emails Jen received have been incredible, not only in their length but in how much thought and emotion was put into them . .. Jen passed many of them along to me, as so many of the comments were about my family situation and how many of you have gone through similar trials and tribulations at home with the spouse and kids.

But here's an attempt to tell my side of the story over what happened a couple of weeks ago ... As Jen explained, it all started when The Wife made my Father's Day absolutely miserable when she started a fight over an incredibly minor event in the car on the way home from my daughter's soccer game. She was screaming at me, I returned the favor, and my daughter got terribly upset over the whole thing. I never saw her react like this .. she was just sobbing uncontrollably over seeing her parents carry on like that and her crying continued on long after we arrived home.

That shook me ... I slumped in a chair in the garage and texted Jen, telling her World War III had just erupted. Jen was upset that my Father's Day was ruined and I was livid that the wife had let such a minor transgression (answering the cell phone while driving) ruin the entire day. And then it got me thinking. Yes, the wife is brutally overbearing, controlling and downright intolerable. And screaming at me or the kids at the top of her lungs is status quo -- just another day at the office.. But the difference this time was how I reacted, screaming right back at her. Despite the fact it was well deserved and a long time coming, still and all it was out of character for me .. And it started me thinking about how outside of my time spent with Jen, how irritable and downright miserable I've become over the past month or so.

Like I've said before -- I've put myself in a position where I'm not making anyone happy. I try to move heaven and earth to see Jen each and every day, and while successful 90% of the time it still isn't enough. Not for her and not for me as well. You see, I WANT to spend more time with her and each and every time I'm with the family doing this and that I find my mind wandering, thinking about how much I want to be with her. And because I want to be elsewhere, in the here-and-now I've become incredibly irritable, snapping back at the wife (never the kids) whether she deserves it or not. (Editors Note: she usually does). So the wife's sure not happy with me, and neither is Jen.. The wife certainly notices my mood changes, as I've become quite a different person at home since I met Jen. So now on this Father's Day, it's all coming to a head ... I have no idea the person I've become, and it's all crashing down around me..

So I meet Jen for lunch the next day, and sure enough she can tell I'm not myself. My mind is still on the Father's Day Debacle, and she can sense I'm troubled by everything -- not only with my home life, but my relationship with her. So we both agree -- I've got to sit down and talk with the wife that night and find out where this marriage is going. What does she want from me? What do I want from her? All the questions that have burning inside me .. .burning inside Jen .. it was time to bring that all out on the table....

And what happened that night set off a whole series of events that ultimately culminated in that fateful, post-therapy phone call from Jen when she tearfully told me "I think I need to take a break from all this..."

And thus, the "breakup". Quotes intentional.

More to come ...

Within you, without you....

2010-07-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

"and life flows on within you and without you" George Harrison

It's been rather quiet you may have noticed.

Things took a rather sharp right turn in the "saga of Mark and Jen"... notably.. a break down and break up.

I have been on this tumultuous ride.. emotionally. As Mark always says.. 'our high are high but, our lows are low.' It's been stated before how lonely I get and despite Marks efforts to make some time for me everyday.. the alone time, especially when the weather starts to get nice, gets harder.

You want to be out in the park with your guy, at the outdoor concerts, strolling along the river, hanging out with your friends in the backyard around a fire with a beer. This time of year is very exhausting for Mark.. he is involved in so many of his kids activities (and his children are very active) meaning, he is running morning til night. Add to that the fact that his job is stressful and his Mom is very ill and the man is carrying a heavy load. Now, also in the plus column.. put a girlfriend who wants more of your time and this whole equation gets almost impossible to solve... way too many variables.

The decision for us to take a break came after he had a rough Father's Day. I won't get into specifics but "the wife" made the day miserable for him... He texted me several times saying what a terrible day it was. My heart sank.. but, helpless all I could do was offer kind words and an ear. I thought he had reached a breaking point.

We spent the next day on our blanket having lunch and chatting about the past week and the events of the previous day. My emotional state has been on a sense of high alert for awhile... and an upcoming therapy appointment always adds to my anxiety. She knows of my affair and after having seen me through my terrible marriage and helping me be strong enough to get out of that.. she certainly feels I am sabotaging my life and setting myself up for major heartbreak. Therefore, I get very wound up for days before I know I am seeing her.

Let's fast forward and save you ALL the torrid details...
Monday.. the blanket session ended with tears and me accusing Mark of never being able to leave if after that Fathers Day fiasco.. he could still walk back into the house everyday like nothing happened. He asked for a day to talk to her.. and see if she wanted out as much as he did. I agreed to that. The "talk" turned into a battle and she just ran him over.. but, pretty much summed it up as.. let's just get along for the kids.
Tuesday ... nothing.. Mark is still reeling and trying to sort this all out.
Wednesday... I take the day off to work on some house stuff.. which also turns out to be impossible and expensive. In frustration and tears... I leave the house for hours to sit in a park and watch people, couples and families... enjoy life.
Thursday... we have an incredible morning together.. making love for hours before we have to head off to work. My afternoon appointment looming.

It ends badly. My therapist makes so many points I can't counter or defend. Am I crazy? Affairs are so much easier when they are about the sex.. but.. when the heart takes over.. they don't work. Marks LIFE is at home.. with his "wife" and 3 kids.. and I don't fit in anywhere there. I look terrible.. I feel terrible. Emotionally and physically.. I am drained and so is he. I need to give him back to them.. and move on.

SO, Thursday.. that was the decision I made.
Never did I imagine how hard that would be.

Seventh Inning Stretch

2010-06-23T19:01:00.000-07:00

Took a little break from America's Favorite Pastime (ahem) to take this shot ...

Go Yanks!

Yes indeed, we're Yankee fans. Heck -- it sure beats being a Pirates' fan!

Don't forget to check out Osbasso and see who else is at bat.

Happy Father's Day !

2010-06-20T03:40:00.000-07:00

HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all you Dads out there.

If you don't think your job as Dad makes a difference... you couldn't be more wrong. I tell Mark all the time that .. My Dad is the greatest man I know. I am fortunate that he is still alive and kicking at 88.. although moving a bit slower and having had a few setbacks, his mind is still sharp as a tack.

My Dad was the kind of Dad that took me everywhere. We went fishing, to ball games, he taught me to throw and catch a baseball, how to golf, how to fix things, how to keep score as he coached my big brothers ball teams. He was patient and caring. I have the best memories of growing up with my Dad and I am so very grateful for all that he taught me and for still having him around. I was truly a Daddy's girl.
Maybe not every girl's dream is to find someone like her Dad but mine was.
After turning 50 I just didn't believe there was another guy out there like that...

until I met Mark.

Happy Fathers Day Sweetheart. <3

Woman vs. POOL

2010-06-15T04:06:00.000-07:00

When I fought to keep my house in the divorce.. I knew it would be a LOT of work..

Among a large front lawn and upkeep.. we have a big inground pool in the back.

Last year, it began losing water, quickly. (imagine that! )I surmised after several experiments.. that the problem must be in the bottom drain. That led to the idea of draining the entire pool (9 ft deep in the deep end) to check out the possibility of a leak at the bottom.
Not an easy task.. the slope into the deep end is pretty steep and trying to get the dirty leaf infested water out so I could check the drain was a fight I was determined to win.

so.. in the battle of Woman vs. Pool.. looking at one of my bruises...

I have to say... POOL wins.

HNT - When I close my eyes...

2010-06-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling...

with anyone other than you.

~ Courtney Kuchta -

Yes, I admit it...

2010-06-05T05:40:00.000-07:00

I am a chicken when it comes to certain things.

I may have mentioned in another post of things I hate, that I hate thunderstorms.

I know that most people languish in the beauty of lightning and the power of thunder, but for me... they just scare the bejeezus out of me. Even my kids enjoy sitting out on the porch watching the storm roll in while I try to find a way to distract myself from the flashes of light and the loud jolts of noise.

Last night I had one of those wake me from my sleep. As I lay there in bed, seeing the tiny sparks of light under my shade, anticipating the next crack of thunder.. I thought about how times like these.. it would be nice to have Mark near me, holding me, making love to me, comforting and protecting me from this crazy childish fear. I instead, turned on the television and watched homeowners looking to purchase their first home to keep my mind off the turmoil outside my walls.

How I wish I could enjoy storms like others do instead of dreading them. I wonder why people find them so fun when I just crumble at the first flash of lightning.

Looking at our weather report... could be a LONGGGG weekend for this gal!

HNT -- The gift... unwrapped

2010-06-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

You all know that Mark celebrated a birthday a few weeks ago..

Part of his present was a couple pics from me...
you had the chance to see one had you clicked his birthday balloons.. and this is another..

Of course, the real treat was mine when Mark finally got to unwrap his present..

click away !!

I definitely think I got the better end of this deal

Happy HNT .. make sure you stop by and
pay homage to Osbasso !

With a Little Help From My Friends

2010-06-01T02:49:00.000-07:00

Jen and I just wanted to take the opportunity to thank everyone for the overwhelming response to our "State of The Relationship" posts at the end of last week. We were stunned by the quantity and quality of the heartfelt comments and the emails that many of you took the time to pen. Many of you telling similar stories, many of you simply offering words of encouragement. Some very familiar faces that we've chatted with so many times before, and some of you who have been quietly following our story, and chose these tandem of posts to voice your emotions. I won't list the names here, but you know who you are. We are trying hard to get back to each and every one of you, and are thoroughly enjoying the dialogue and the friendships we are establishing.

And as an update, Jen and I are stronger than ever. We spent a considerable amount of time together on Friday, and while these long holiday weekends without seeing each other would typically be very difficult for both of us to endure, we came out of it relatively unscathed and are looking forward to our time together today. And there's no doubt in my mind that all your comments and emails were a major factor in us getting through the weekend still very much in love. I often wonder, and I posted this question to Jen over the weekend, how different our relationship would be had we not started this blog. I can't say for sure if it would be any better or worse -- our relationship is stronger than that --- but it would definitely be .... different. But one thing is for sure, we would have missed out on a whole host of friendships. Just knowing that we're not on island here .. that there are couples out there going through similar circumstances.. learning how you dealt with it ...or didn't deal with it .. has made all the difference in the world.

Thanks again to everyone, and keep those comments and emails coming.. It means everything to us.

Mark & Jen

Help me if you can I'm feeling down .... (Mark's side)

2010-05-27T03:45:00.000-07:00

So its been awhile since I wrote about anything with substance. After a few months of HNT's, toy reviews, sexcapade recaps, etc. Jen and I thought it was a good time to document the state of our relationship, i.e., where are we relative to "The Plan" we had discussed right after the holidays. We both wrote our posts in parallel, without consulting each other as to what we planned to write. Aside from the Beatles lyrics as post titles (I did see her "Ticket to Ride" title before I posted my story), any commonalities between our stories is purely coincidental. You can read them in any order .. Click here for Jen's side of the story.

What always drives these little re-evaluations we have is Jen's visit to her therapist. They are quite a traumatic event for her because frankly, the therapist isn't exactly president of the Mark "Fooled Around and Fell In Love" fan club. Personally, I just think she needs a Cyberglass G. So the appointment came and went and as always, Jen was very emotional afterward. So we got together the next day at her house, and while we didn't intend to discuss things, we just couldn't help ourselves and end up having a good cry over things.

So here's the latest... Somehow despite the fact that I'm married and rarely miss any of my kids sports activities and events at school (which include school softball, town softball, high school baseball, town baseball (coach), travel baseball (coach), girls basketball, high school fall basketball, high school summer basketball, ski club (chaperone), travel soccer, track, cross country (coach) and high school football - Oh my, this is starting to feel like a Barefoot Dreamer post!!! ), Jen and I still manage to get together almost every single weekday. Either for lunch, a late afternoon visit, mornings, or even sometimes in the evening -- somehow we pull it off almost every Monday through Friday. Now I'm sure any of you reading this that are in a similar situation are green with envy and saying to yourself "Wow! We only WISH we could spend that much time together... And you're complaining?" Well, the fact of the matter - yes - its just not enough. Weekends apart are brutal, and now heading into the summer months here in the Northeast where every church lawn fete, outdoor concert, art festival, backyard barbecue, 5K run and golf scramble is crammed into about 8 weekends of summer -- things that Jen and I can't do together -- its going to get worse before it gets better.

So all this has been weighing on her mind. And its weighing on my mind. Even though my weekends are incredibly busy, I find myself agonizing over wondering how SHE'S getting through it without me. Her kids are pretty much on their own, and it bothers me terribly knowing that she's spending a Saturday night or a Sunday afternoon alone. I keep replaying it over and over in my head -- "She deserves better than this.. She deserves to be out to dinner on a Saturday night. She deserves to be made love to on a Sunday morning. She deserves to be at the beach on a Sunday afternoon. We could be laying in bed together right now watching the Yankees game". I get so mad at myself for putting her in this situation, that it makes me cranky, irritable and basically unpleasant to be around on weekends. While I'm surrounded by so many people at all the activities I participate in, I feel so terribly alone.

And now what I've essentially done is put myself in a position where I can't make anyone happy. Jen's not happy when we're apart and the wife certainly isn't happy since I'm detached, cantankerous and ornery when I'm not with Jen. And what bothers me the most is I've invested so much of myself with Jen and with my family and what do I have to show for it? A bunch of unhappy people, is all.

And Jen's response to all this? "Then why Mark are we doing this to ourselves. Why CAN'T we both be happy, the only way we know how, which is together?" And my answer is still the same .. The same as it was in July of 2009 when we got into this, the same as it was during the Christmas holidays, the same as it is today heading into the summer.

My kids.

While my teenage son won't give me the time of day, my young girls still adore me. They were helping me in the yard this past weekend, giving me a hand in the garage -- things we have done together every spring since they were old enough to walk. Things they plan on doing with me next year and the year after that and the year after that. And I break down when I tell Jen this, but next spring when its time to do all these things again and I'm not there ..... Well ...... I can't even finish typing the sentence ...

And Jen will tearfully say to me "I can't ever see you leaving ..."

But that's where I disagree. You see, I can see myself leaving as that's why I got into this position in the first place. That's WHY I created the profile on Ashley Madison. I knew my marriage was essentially over and I wanted to position myself with someone that I could be with forever when the hammer finally came down on it. Now of course I had envisioned that would be 3, 4, heck .. 5 years down the road when the girls were off to college. But then Jen came along. And after 3 months I knew that I wanted to be with this woman forever ... starting NOW....

How long can I keep doing this to her? How many more lonely weekends can I make her endure? How many more sessions where the therapist asks her "So .... any update on THE PLAN? What has he done to change his situation?" And the answer is "nothing"? I know and understand I can't drag her along forever.

But then again -- I can't give her up. I can't even comprehend the thought of her not being in my life. It frightens me.. No ... it TERRIFIES me. Not only would I lose a lover .. the woman I have waited for all of my life .. I would lose my best friend. We have become such an integral part of each others lives .. to throw that all away and not have that to me is unthinkable.

And that's what drives me. I know in my heart-of-hearts that this fairy tale is all going to play out. Our dreams WILL come true. I've never been more confident of anything in my life.. But when prompted for some tangible evidence that I'm ready to move in that direction? Well, so far I haven't been able to produce anything. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

But I'm not giving it up. Ever.

She's got a ticket to ride.............. (Jen's side)

2010-05-26T17:02:00.001-07:00

We apologize for not posting much of late, but our roller coaster ride (that we so often call this relationship) has been on a bumpy track these days. There have been so many day to day issues that become problems.. mostly for me of course. Mark has the glass half full outlook almost always. It is I who struggles with the emotional break downs. This past weekend as well as the one before have led to what has come close to our final goodbye. We decided to both post our separate feelings over the last couple weeks and the strain it has been for us in our different ways. So please read them both.

I struggle through weekends. I think I have mentioned that before. Not only because I don't get to see Mark, but the thoughts of the “family” time breaks my heart and my mood. Just a reminder of our situation... I am single, Mark is the married father of 3 kids all under the age of 14. Two of my young adult children still live with me, but they aren't hanging out with Mom these days. So visions of Mark with the family... visiting friends, or celebrating birthdays or graduations as I work in the yard or on the house alone oft times leads to dark days for this half of the equation. Consequently, my mood affects Mark and we are both end up feeling crappy due to my doldrums.

A couple weekends ago, as most weekends.. we weren't going to see each other. Mark was busy with kid/family/sport stuff.. Our usual Monday get together was hindered due to our work schedules.. I had the weekend blues. Mark tries hard to keep in contact with me via phone, text or IM. I seldom go more than a couple hours without some sort of update but, I was just feeling sorry for myself. While everyone else is having fun time.. I am alone and questioning everything. How can I be so loved by someone and still feel so alone? Didn’t I get out of an unhappy 25 year marriage so the last part of my life would be happy and peaceful? I keep hearing the words of my therapist saying..” He holds all the cards.. you do nothing but wait. How long are you going to let this tear you apart? What has he done to make you believe he will ever leave?” So many questions.. and I have no answers.

We finally got to have some time together Tuesday and I could barely look at him without welling up with tears. I truly feel that I am in a situation where I can't win. He loves his children more than life itself.. and who in their right mind could find fault with that?. I could tell by our conversation of that day if I asked him to choose, I would lose. I fear the outcome of this crazy ride.

After my second tough weekend, my morning email told of my frustration and how my strength and resolve were slipping. We met on our blanket.. in our spot for lunch. I pretty much offered to walk away. I told him how lonely I am.. My sadness at being a “non person” in his life. My jealousy that he had a whole other life without me. He confessed to lying to me about what he had done over the weekend in hopes of not ruining my day...his loneliness in his own home in a loveless marriage... how he struggles to make time with/for me and how it is never enough for me. So many confessions.. so many tears..I told him I knew he couldn't leave... and I knew how heartbroken he would be if he did. He cried as he told me a silly story about the girls and their excitement over the cleaning of the garage affirming my belief that they are his world and his happiness.

I know he is in a horrible place. He can't win. No matter what he chooses, someone gets hurt. It's either me or his girls. I am much too old and too wise (?) to think I could replace the hurt he would endure in not seeing them every morning.. or when he came home from work as they converge on him with their recaps of the day. I love him too much to ask him to leave. But, when he looked at me and asked me to just hang in there... I realized, I love him too much to say no. How long can I? Who knows.

*sigh* I never did like roller coasters.

Happy Anniversary HNT !!

2010-05-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

As requested by our fearless leader Osbasso.. this week we celebrate the anniversary of HNT with our first HNT AND a recent recreation of that photo.... so..

here we go:

This was our first post for HNT:

and this... is the one I took this week: ( Click )
and another angle if you click the pic

Same nightie.. but, the bedspread is new!

Happy 5th anniversary HNT

Don't forget to check out Osbasso and see who else is playing.

Toy Review 2 - Kickin' Some Glass!

2010-05-18T17:15:00.000-07:00

Jen and I have found that one of the major benefits of the adult blogging world is the periodic opportunity to be offered a chance to try out new toys ... And our good friends at The Adult Toy Shoppe have been our exclusive source of our pleasure toy play. After trying out the Men's Pleasure Wand back in February and our subsequent review here, once again our trusty vendor offered us another opportunity to review one of their products of passion. And who are we to say no?

So for months now, we have been discussing the potential of introducing a dildo of the glass variety into our reindeer games. Not sure what drove us in that direction, although I do remember some postings by our fellow bloggers giving a shout-out to the benefits of the phallic flute. So we excitedly ordered up the Cyberglass G. Advertised as "seemless and solid" (just like Mark!!), "it's covered with an array of bumps, curves and swirls to make your erotic experience that much better" . And not only that, but it's essentially two toys in one as you can use either end. And who are we to say no to a 2-for-1 deal? So we emailed the Toy Shoppe and eagerly awaited our delivery.

We mentioned it in the first review, but it still bears repeating -- shipping from The Adult Toy Shoppe is extremely quick and very discrete. We ordered it the Friday before Mark left on his business trip and as luck would have it, it arrived in time for our reunion the following Thursday.

When the package arrived I couldn't wait to run into my bedroom to break it open. I called Mark with the news and could tell he was as excited as I. After slicing open the box I saw my new glass toy enclosed in its plastic wrap. I must say, it is the most attractive I have ever seen. When they say “it looks like a piece of art” they are right on target. Heck, it's damn-near coffee table worthy. I could just picture my Mom dropping in some day and hear her as she's holding it up "What the hell is this thing? Just more shit to dust as far as I'm concerned..." We selected the blue colored variant and while very attractive to look at, the proof of course would be in the performance of our stunning, seductive friend.

The day it arrived was Mark's first day back from his business trip. After a round of rousing lovemaking and a bit of recovery time, Mark grabbed the toy from the end table and began to run it over my already soaked and sensitive pussy. The cold glass as it touched me sent shivers up my spine. I loved the feel of it, and he hadn't even slid it in yet. When the moment had arrived I was pleasantly surprised at how different it felt from my other toys. I loved the slickness of it, and the slight curve certainly hit the spot as my lover slid it in and out, a bit deeper each time, and all the while with his tongue working my ultra-sensitive clit. (I swear he was a juggler in a prior life!) And those bumps and curves were true to their word in enhancing the experience.

But the signature feature of all glass dildos, including the Cyber G, is its ability to adapt to the temperature of its surrounding environment. Much like a cold-blooded Gecko Lizard!! And after spending some quality time in my wanton pussy, it was sizzling to the touch when we brought it up to our lips to lick that smooth surface clean of all our juices. But watch out -- you could break a tooth if you're not careful!

Downsides? Can't think of many. I have since used it without Mark's help and tried both sides, each with its own sensations. I did find that I still needed clit stimulation in order to climax, but I think that may be just me. We did get a good laugh out of the red pouch it came with to store it. Mark commented that it looked like a penis warmer, which it did! But it does serve to keep my friend warm when he's not in use.

Final verdict? Two thumbs up for the Cyberglass G and many thanks to The Adult Toy Shoppe for giving us the opportunity to introduce yet another weapon to our lovemaking arsenal.

HNT and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK !!!

2010-05-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

Today is Mark's birthday. I know that we can't celebrate by going to dinner or having cake and ice cream with the family. We will hopefully get to steal a couple hours together as he opens his gifts from me and reads my card.

If you get a minute.. leave him a Happy Birthday message.. I'm sure you can all tell that he is a great guy with a wonderful sense of humor and a kindness beyond measure.

My HNT is a click through reminding him.. how I'd like to celebrate...

For you .. (and of course the 3 other people that read our blog)

click :)

Love you babe...

Home Again

2010-05-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

Just some quick notes... I am sure we will fill in the details at another time.

Mark joined me at my house early Thursday morning. I waited for him under the covers, my heart racing and the butterflies fluttering in my tummy anticipating his arrival. After having been apart for almost a week, to say I was excited was an understatement. I was a bit unsettled on Wednesday, as I knew he was home but.. the wife was the one who got to pick him up from the airport and be the first face he would see.

I always have that fantasy movie image of waiting for him as he comes through the gate.. that smile crosses our faces as we move toward each other and wrap our arms around each other as our lips meet for that 'so happy to see you' kiss. It wasn't to be this time.. I sat home and watched the clock knowing he was finally home, but, I wouldn't get to see him.

So despite the mood of the day before, the minute he opened the bedroom door and said.. "there's my girl".. all was right with the world. Our kisses and caresses were loving, sensual and our love making as passionate as it had ever been. No rushing, this was a moment we wanted to last forever. His lips on my aching breasts, fingers slipped into my already moist panties.. my fingers wrapped around his hard cock. We enjoyed each other and the chance to prolong the inevitable. The moment before he presses into me, he teased me further with rubbing the head against my hard sensitive clit. When he found me, I eagerly lowered myself onto him and rode him until we finished together.

After our time of laying under the covers, catching up.. we experimented with our new toy that the Adult Shoppe sent us to review ( that review is forthcoming). Mark first used the toy on me.. then I turned the tables and got the chance to show this toy's versatility but making him cum a second time that morning.

Other highlights of our time..
I am teaching Mark to read music and play the piano (he is a very quick learner) and I got him out to play tennis(a passion of mine) for the first time in years.

He was kind and patient enough to take me to the driving range to help me learn golf... a game I tried briefly as a youngster but found much too frustrating to continue. I know all you men are shaking your head at his unsound decision to take me up on this and Mark warned me that many a relationship has been destroyed over the silly game. He kept his cool and made several suggestions as we got through a bucket of balls without any crying or screaming from either of us, and ended up having a wonderful time.

These are the moments that we love the most. Spending our time doing the simple fun things that remind us, how good life is when we are together.

The toy review and more details on our reunion are soon to come. But, I haven't stopped smiling since Thursday.

HNT -- Reunited and it feels so good

2010-05-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

We've been in different hemispheres since Sunday ... And today is -- you guessed it -- Thursday. What do YOU think we're doing this morning ? Just making more HNT memories....

Is it Thursday yet??

2010-05-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

I am feeling lost...

Mark is away. Not just out of town... but, out of the country for work.

Different time zones and cheap cell phones.. make communication limited.

I have been spoiled by the opportunity to see him almost everyday and chat with him anytime of day or night. I empathize even more now for those of you who seldom have the chance for physical contact. Makes me realize how lucky I truly I am... and how hard maintaining these relationships are when you don't get to put your arms around them almost daily.

You all are very strong and dedicated to each other.

But, for now.. I miss him. Only 88 hours until he's home, but.. who's counting? =]

HNT.. ohhhh my

2010-04-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

Just a snippet of our home made video...............

Ohhhh, I remember what he was doing down there very well.

Happy HNT all !

Don't Make Me Do it Without the Fez On

2010-04-28T02:58:00.000-07:00

The past week or so, a few of our blogger friends have posted their condom stories, specifically Frances and Daniel at 29 Pearls and Chloe at the Unfaithful Soccer Mom. Well alas, we have a story of our own to tell.

Jen and I were IM'ing one night a week or two into our soon-to-be-torrid relationship. And she said to me "You know, if we take this to the next level, we're going to have to discuss birth control. I can still get pregnant." Well, I almost fell out of bed when I read that. First of all, I had COMPLETELY forgotten that this sex thing was originally designed for procreation. Shocked is too mild a word. And second of all, The Wife being an ultra right-wing Catholic, birth control was strictly taboo and a mortal sin just to consider it! Never, EVER broach the birth control topic with a right-of-the-Pope Catholic, folks!! So I laughed and replied to Jen that if The Wife were ever to find out about our affair, she'd be more furious that I used birth control than of the affair itself!

So anyway, I volunteered to take on the responsibility and told Jen I'd buy some condoms. But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES was I walking into the local drug store or supermarket and plunking those bad boys down on the counter. Heck, one of The Wife's church cronies could be standing in line behind me! No, I took to Google Shopping and found a vendor that would take Paypal, and ship them to me at my work address in a discrete, unmarked package. But, oh -- the decisions I had to make. Lubricated? Non-lubricated? Ribbed? Nahhhh... But wait -- better super-size it!!! (wink, wink). But after much stress and Google searches of the pro's and con's of each feature, the order was in and we awaited shipment.

Now keep in mind, we held off our sexual activity awaiting condom procurement. Like a good, responsible adulterer should. So we patiently waited and after a week or two, the much anticipated shipment had arrived!!! Book the hotel, babe -- the time has come!! So we arranged for our Friday morning get-together at a local hotel (for full details read here). And we reminded each other 15 times in the days leading up to that morning "Whatever we do, DON'T FORGET THE CONDOMS!" So I packed a few in my computer case (a half dozen oughtta cover it for the morning, I thought -- tee-hee), and before you know it were we rolling naked on the bed, Jen had delivered her first blow job, penetration was imminent .... AND ..........

...we never took 'em outta the computer case. Poor condoms - they were pissed.

Nope, we never used a one. Yes, we've dabbled with them since, specifically for our backyard partying or just because they were there, but I think I still have 90% of them left. All that anxiety leading up to their purchase and delivery -- WEEKS worth, I tell you ... and now those poor fellas just lie there in Jen's nightstand waiting for their chance to perform...

Make us an offer ... we'll ship them to you discretely....

The beauty of normal....

2010-04-24T05:45:00.001-07:00

With most of Marks family out of town, we took the day yesterday to do something we don't often get to do. Spend a "day" together as couple.. out in public. Of course we drove an hour out of town to be able to do that.. but, it was a great day in so many ways. The weather was perfect, the locale (a state park.. see pics below)was gorgeous, the freedom to just "be" was the best part of all.

Days like this leave me with mixed emotions. It feels so amazing to be "out" and able to feel like a normal couple.. but then you return home and the reality of how NOT normal you are creeps in. We hiked for hours (reminding me what terrible shape I have gotten in over the winter months).. then settled in on a blanket for a picnic lunch.. reminiscent of our first few months of time together when we would meet for lunch in a local park a couple times a week. We laugh about how comfortable we are together (after Mark pulls his cock out in the middle of the park with people not far away to 'show me this "little mark" on his dick' ) how we can just talk about anything or feel free to sing together in the car.

I love this man more than I have ever loved any. We make these sacrifices to spend time together and days like yesterday.. remind me how it isn't all about the sex (although I did manage an open air blow job after we moved our blanket to a less busy locale). I long for the days when we can do these things whenever we want, without endless plotting, lying or guilt. I treasure the memories and the pics of the day... but tears flow as I look at them or as I type about it.

Mark is the "glass half full" kind of guy, as you can see.. I am the worrier, the scared one. Being in a somewhat abusive marriage for 20 something years, I have learned to turn off any emotion when it gets too painful. It's how we survive. I am struggling to not shut down and keep my eye on the future. Life has much to offer. The beauty that is out there and the happiness I long for are within reach.

Yesterday... was a small glimpse into what life can be like...

... if I can just hang on.

HNT - "Behind" the scenes !

2010-04-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Well Mark has certainly been willing to experiment and let me have some fun with my tongue, fingers and toys. He's been a good sport and actually has come to enjoy my undying attention to his oh so adorable butt. I love to squeeze it every chance I get. I admit to the occasional slap as I play back there.. or grabbing him as I try to pull him in even deeper as we fuck. It is true, his posterior gets a lot of my time. I just love it. So, I am going to share it with you.. here is a pic of Mark in the silk robe I bought him for Christmas.. laying ready and giving me free reign to do as I want.. OH WHAT FUN !!!!!

Happy HNT... don't forget to visit Obasso and see who else is playing !

Daydreams about night things in the middle of the afternoon..

2010-04-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

We promised to keep you updated on how our week of "alone time" was progressing... Well, I awoke to this in my Inbox from Jen this morning .... I'll let YOU be the judge...

Morning darling,

I not long ago got off the phone with you and then I lay back down in bed and started thinking about our night together. You would think that after cumming 4 times last night I would be sated enough.. but, just laying there thinking about how hot the whole night was... i reached down to rub a bit and already found myself wet, just from thinking about it. I of course couldn't stop there.. once i felt how wet I was, I had to keep playing.. so with my eyes closed, I let my fingers get to work. I just thought about how hot it was on my knees as you fucked my mouth... laying at the end of the bed with my legs up over my head as your cock plowed so deep inside me making me cum... moving up and just fucking until you made me cum again and again.. my clit so sensitive at that point that, just the slightest touch got me going.. As I lay here reliving that and rubbing my fingers against my clit I felt myself ready to cum.. and cum I did with the image of us deep in love making,,,

mmmmmmmmm I love waking with you, even in my thoughts.

NOW we're talking turnabout ....

2010-04-16T05:49:00.000-07:00

Back in March, Jen celebrated her 100th orgasm since we've been together. You can read about that one here. Almost one month later, it was my turn last evening.

We got the chance for a little alone time at Jen's house last night, and before you know it she had my cock just bulging and longing to escape from my Dockers. It doesn't take much folks - a few of her tender strokes along the length of my manhood, even with a couple layers of cotton separating me from her fingers and I'm ready for action. I closed my eyes, leaned my head back and just enjoyed her teasing, but there's no better sound than that familiar zzzzppppppppp as she slowly tugged at my zipper. Music to my ears!

But here's where it got interesting ... Once my cock was free from its cage, she licked her fingers and circled them around the tip, getting it all nice and shiny moist. Stroking the shaft to spread out the wetness .. I was going bonkers with delight. And then it happened... Tell me if this ever happened to you, fellas... I had only what I can describe as a mini-orgasm. A few drops of cum started oozing from the tip ... and it was more than just precum. The creamy stuff -- not of the clear precum variety. But the more she squeezed, the more drops that would spill out. And the more she stroked, the more lathered my cock became. And the hottest moment of all was when she put a nice thick layer of it on her fingertip and brought it up to BOTH our mouths. Both of us hungrily lapping up the tasty goo off her index finger...

You have no idea how turned on I was by all this.. "Don't you want this hard cock inside you, baby?" I offered. "Well, I'm actually enjoying myself quite nicely, but thank you..." she replied. Can you believe it???? Where did I find this woman??? A woman who so desires to please her man that she will sacrifice her own orgasm just for my pleasure.. So needless to say I took her up on her offer and in no time her head was eagerly bobbing up and down on my shaft. 30 seconds later, I had the most amazing oral-gasm ever, shooting round after round of tasty juice down her throat. I thought it would never stop.....

So let's hear it for 100 orgasms! And for those of you keeping score at home, Jen's at 114. I'm lagging at just about the right pace, don't ya think girls?

HNT - Lights, camera ....

2010-04-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

Action!

Experimenting with our electronic toys ...
Camcorder, Laptop, Photoshop
Need more practice!

Happy HNT everyone!

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY OS!! stop by and wish him one.

Mornings are for lovemaking

2010-04-14T02:57:00.000-07:00

After business had kept us separated for nearly a week, Jen and I had some catching up to do over the past few days. Upon her return from the airport Friday afternoon, we had that type of frantic, no words were spoken, I-need-to-have-my-hands-and-tongue-all-over-you-right-now kind of sex. Deliciously hot, incredibly passionate .... Have you noticed lately how there's been a thread of discussion on the fine art of blowjobs and swallowing amongst our circle of blog friends over the past week or so? Well, maybe it was the excitement over all that juicy talk, but Jen delivered two of the finest blowjobs this cock has ever had the pleasure of experiencing - one Friday afternoon as a Round 2 bonus, and then again Saturday morning. Keep those naughty thoughts coming bloggers! It's certainly paying dividends on this end!

But yesterday we had a chance to spend the early morning hours together. My love for morning sex is well documented, and I managed to sneak over to Jen's house for a 7am rendezvous. We spent the first hour lustily ravishing each other's fully-clothed bodies, as we waited for her eldest offspring to prepare and leave for his workday. So needless to say, we were worked up beyond comprehension. The minute the car door slammed and the boy was out the door, the clothes were off and we embarked on a solid hour of steamy sex ... But this one wasn't about the orgas-o-meter .... this was about licking, tasting, tonguing, feeling, exploring every inch of each others naked bodies. Getting ourselves so worked up that when the orgasm inevitably came, it would be explosively mind-blowing. It had been well over a week since I had tasted her pussy, and when I went down there I had never felt it so wet before. And this time her juices were different .. thicker .. creamier ... I buried my face in there like never before, but I was so amazed by this new-found wetness, I had to share it with Jen. "Taste this baby ... this is incredible.." I whispered as I crawled up to her lips to give her a deep passionate kiss of her creamy wetness. But I wasn't finished -- after teasing her by slipping the tip of my cock into her cunt as I crawled up to kiss her, I pulled out to go back down to finish eating her until she rocked me with a thigh-clenching orgasm.

After that, she sucked my cock like she hadn't sucked a cock for years. Hungrily licking, stroking, circling her tongue around my tip to lap up any precum that might be left. My hardness was striking .. So many times I wanted to explode right then and there, but no -- we weren't stopping until I buried my cock deep inside her. And that I did .. I rolled her over missionary style and slowly started pumping away ... Very slowly .. I was right on the edge and I had to pull back a time or two to get me by the point of no return. But I ultimately picked up the pace .. the moans .. the groans .. staring into each others eyes as we celebrated our love ... yes .. making love .... long, hard strokes .. short, sweet strokes ... fucking .. kissing ... tongues tangled together ...

Then Jen took control.... she flipped me over, groaning "it's my turn to ride your fucking cock, baby .." And ride she did .. skillfully maneuvering herself into a position where my cock was grinding perfectly against her clit until first she exploded into orgasm, soon followed by my release of what seemed like pints of pent-up cum....

Needless to say, we're back in the groove again ... And looking forward to next week when The Wife and two of my kids take off on vacation ... leaving Jen and I plenty of "us" time.....

Turn about is fair play...

2010-04-11T05:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I made it home.. safe and sound and within hours of arriving, got to feel Marks arms around me, his lips on mine and that sparkle that is in each of our eyes as we stare at each other makes me smile larger than I ever thought possible. We even had the chance to make love despite the fact that one of the kids was home. Trust me though, we are not good with 'quiet' and it took all we had to keep our voices down. We do love to talk dirty and it was actually pretty sensual doing it in soft toned down whispers. But, the feeling of him slipping into my soaked, aching pussy felt so wonderful after our time apart, if the house were empty I think a few of the neighbors may have heard that moan.

Mark told me after I finally got online while I was away that he had shared my email with you all, our friends and supporters.. and I have no problem with that. I think that we all have a crazy bond we have formed and I love that we can share our bad days and good days with those who seem to care.

Today being a Sunday, is usually our day apart. I often spend the morning rereading some of our past emails and since he shared some of my emails I thought I would give you snippets of what made me fall for this amazing guy:

This is from about 2 months in and the day before our first time having sex. You can see Mark's sense of humor here in this small piece of his email:

So anyway, we're down to 24 hours. I can't ever remember looking forward to something so much as I am this.. And I typically don't like to do that, i.e., "over anticipate", because generally when you do that, there tends to be a letdown. But I just can't see that happening this time ... I really think this is going to turn out even better than we could ever dream. That's the way everything has gone so far with us -- why would THIS change? I'm so confident it won't.

So, OK -- I confess -- I did a little youporn surfing this morning ... It's been so long since I've had sex I needed a little refresher course. You know, what exactly are we supposed to do again? Why don't these people have any clothes on? Oh, so THAT's what that thing between my legs is for! However, after a couple of 4 minute videos, I think I've got it down pat.

..and then this one that literally made me laugh out loud as I was reading. Needless to say, this man's libido is always running on high:

Thankfully, as I crawled into bed last night, the wife turned on her side and went to sleep.. So I figure, here's my opportunity to relieve myself of this all-day hard-on, thinking of my incredibly sexy girlfriend and the things she has done and wants to do for me.. But first .. hold on a second .. there's this Sports Illustrated article I want to read .. It's nice and quiet, everyone's asleep, the TV is off -- all you could hear is the chirping of the crickets. I figured I'd read the article, then start jimmy'n my jimmy and descend into a deep sleep of orgasmic bliss...

Bad mistake.. I don't think I got through one paragraph and I was dead to the world. But I did sleep better than I ever have .. Sound sleep right through until the alarm went off.. I don't even remember getting up to go to the bathroom ... which is highly unusual.. But here it is morning now, and my balls are making noise -- they're going to be nagging at me all day - "Hey asshole .. you had your chance last night!!! You blew it!!! Waddya doin' to us, man!! You're killin' us!!! "

But finally, a small part of an email that speaks to me from his heart. The parts that everyday I get to read in some form or another that remind me how special what we have is, how lucky I am to love and be loved by this man.

So as you can probably tell, I'm in an extraordinary mood this morning, and most of all because we are only a short day away from finally breaking our intimacy drought. Being with you last night my love -- I just can't describe it -- the feeling that I have when I'm with you .. when I'm anticipating being with you .. when I just finished being with you... It's beyond words ...And for me, there is only one happiness in life -- to love, and to be loved. And you, dear Jen, are the love of my life.

There you have it. What more could I want or need? He has it all.. he is intelligent, handsome, a great sense of humor, and a sexual appetite that meets mine. He knows when to make love and when to just fuck, he knows how to make me feel like I am the most important person in his world... and he promises me a life that I only dreamed I could have. One of trust, passion and endless peace.

I am so glad to be home, for home is where my "heart" is. Love you babe.

Kiss me and smile for me ...

2010-04-05T09:27:00.001-07:00

Well, this morning my dear Jen left town on a 4-day business trip, which means we're about to endure a stretch of 5 days apart - the longest gap of time since we started seeing each other regularly last fall. She departed quite early for the airport this morning, and when I returned from my morning jog, there was an email waiting for me in my Inbox. Like I've said countless times, Jen has such a way with the written word ... and needless to say after reading this, my heart just melted.

Hi honey...

I didn't want to leave without sending you an email.. just in case I don't get online while I am away. As if being away from you physically isn't tough enough to bear.. not being able to chat with you as we do everyday is going to make it harder.

I spent this day (it is Easter Sunday as I write) .. thinking a lot about us as a couple. So many wonderful times together.. how much we smile, laugh, love and make love.. and how wonderful this has all been. Our Pastor talked in his homily today about C.S. Lewis and what a great writer he was and how much he loved his wife .. and after she passed how he summed up their lives in just 9 words... "I never knew loving someone could hurt so much."

We know the thought of losing each other is the worse feeling in the world. Since I have found you, not much else has been the same. I am truly at my best when I am with you.. and can only imagine that will always be the case. I have looked over my cards from you again and again, and as we both say in our Easter cards.. you are the part of me that was always missing... you complete me. I can't imagine life again without you in it.. and I pray I never will have to.

So, as we embark on this break from seeing each other... I think it will reaffirm how much we need each other and how important our time together is. I am sure it will only prove that not being together for a lifetime isn't even an option. You know you will be on my mind and in my heart every minute of the day.. and I will be counting the hours until I am home again, feeling your arms around me, seeing your face pressed up against mine, as our eyes meet and everything again become right with our world.

I love you darling... some love lasts a lifetime.. true love lasts forever.

I will miss you more than you know.

Have a great trip darling ... Friday can't come soon enough...

~Mark

HNT - Satin and Lace

2010-03-31T19:59:00.000-07:00

So soft ... so supple ....

And the lingerie ain't bad either... :)

Happy Springtime HNT!

Numbers Whores

2010-03-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

A number of you have commented on my Hitting the Century Mark post of last week, as it highlighted the fact that I actually record and document our orgasms as they've occurred since we consummated our relationship back in the fall of 2009. No derogatory comments, mind you. Au contraire - most have been quite complimentary.

So yes -- I admit. The two of us are indeed numbers whores. While Jen does have a Math background, I will admit it was I that instigated the Orgas-O-Meter. Every since I was a kid playing Strat-O-Matic baseball, I've always loved tracking statistics. Heck, I'm still one of those geeks that keeps score at a baseball game, be it a 12U girls softball game or a Yankees-Red Sox game on ESPN Classic. I've just always been fascinated with numbers. And then you give a stat freak Google Analytics? Oh my God, its like giving an adulterous blogger free sex toys to review!! Oh wait a minute -- been there, done that.

So here's just a random sampling of stats that I've collected over the life of this blog since its inception in December of last year. Some are Google Analytics-based, some are sex based. Feel free to do what most people do with this kind of minutiae -- ignore it!!!

As of this writing, Jen is now up to 106 orgasms. Mark is at 91, leaving us 3 short of a combined 200. And remember, the rule is the orgasm has to be stimulated by our partner. No sitting home flogging the bishop watching YouPorn.

We’ve had 2,329 visits by 1,025 absolute unique visitors to our blog since we started tracking with Google Analytics back in late February. Our readers have originated from 47 different countries.

The only states not to visit us are Nevada, Wyoming, North and South Dakota and Hawaii. Nevada – home to “Sin City?” And they’re not interested in our tales of fornication? Are you kidding me?

Jen and I have had 49 unique sexual encounters, most of which have been at her house, in her bedroom. But we have fucked in her family room, as well as at a local hotel and a Southern California Hilton Garden Inn. For you savvy stats-masters out there, if you divide 197 orgasms by 49 encounters, that gives you a 4.02 orgasm-per-rendezvous ratio.

We had 16 orgasms between us during that Hilton Garden Inn getaway in December ’09, and followed that up two weeks later with a 15 climax extravaganza at a local hotel right before Christmas. December ’09 was our best fucking month ever (pun intended) with 38 orgasms between us.

Outside the United States and Canada, Australia has our most loyal readership. Thank you Loverboy and Alabaster Legs!

Discarding our home state which skewed our statistics before I figured out how to ignore hits from our own computers, New Jersey is home to the most visitors to our blog.

Throwing out our multi-day California and Christmas hotel fuck-fests, Jen’s best output has been 6 orgasms in one of our standard 2-to-3 hour sessions. My best is 3, and I’ve achieved that 9 times. Before Jen, my best ever was 2, and that was probably less than 5 times lifetime.

Because this is a family blog, I will forego the computational analysis of 91 Mark orgasms x one teaspoon of ejaculate per orgasm = …Oh never mind …. Don’t worry – we haven’t wasted a single drop. Jen and I are great cleaner-uppers!

And which blogger friend of ours has directed the most traffic our way? Why of course, none other than the Kingpin himself -- the Big Kahuna – the Grand Poobah – and dare I say it the Top Dog? Yes, our friend Riff Dog over at Ashley and Me is our greatest source of referring traffic. And by an order of magnitude. But that’s not to diminish the visitors directed our way by our good friends Frances and Daniel over at 29 Pearls, Scorpio at I’m Not a Sex Addict I Don't Go To Meetings, and Chloe, the Unfaithful Soccer Mom and inspiration for our blog. And here’s a shout-out to the Eternal List, the Happily Married Wife, Nitebyrd and The Cheat for putting us on their blog roll and sending visitors our way.

Ordinary? people

2010-03-27T03:55:00.000-07:00

Mark and I had our first “sleepover” at my house. It was a big moment for me. I live on stolen hours with him. Mostly it’s just a couple of lunchtime hours. Sometimes we get together after work and occasionally evening time, but only for a few hours. This was the first time when he pulled in the drive, it was for the night.

We often wonder how some couples manage these ‘getaways’ together fairly often. In our 8 months we have had one 2 night mini vacation and this recent sleepover. Mark tries to make as much time for me as he can, but all of us in this situation realize how hard it can be to just disappear for a few days, especially when you still have fairly young children at home.

When your AM ‘fling’ spirals into falling in love with the other person, you want so much more than just borrowed time. You want them with you always. You imagine so many things you want to do with and for each other. You lay in bed imagining them there beside you as you clutch your pillow for companionship. You want to be a ‘normal’ couple.

Such a contradiction isn’t it? We join Ashley because we are tired of the normalcy of home. The routine that is the day to day. We long for that attention and excitement of another body other than the one that has become comfortable and familiar, We want to feel needed as we crave someone else’s touch.. yearn to taste a different pair of lips .. have that urge to explore a new body and experience a whole new set of sounds and smells that accompany the journey. I think most of all, we like to feel desired again and that so often falls away when you settle into ‘normal’.

And that dear readers is the object of this post .. (I know you are all saying to yourself “FINALLY, she starting to ramble in circles like Riff”)

The best part of our 2 day west coast getaway.. and our Wednesday night sleepover(despite the unlimited sex) .. was the chance to feel so very normal. Before our trip all I could think about was being out of our hometown limits so we could walk around holding hands, go OUT to dinner, sit next to each other in public and kiss. I couldn’t wait to get on that plane and transform into an ordinary couple. The same holds true for our first night at my place. He came “home” to spend the night. We went and shopped, picked up dinner which we had together.. watched TV on the couch.. and then headed back to bed. All this without the urgency of watching a clock and managing our time. We made love when he first got to the house.. then again when we went to bed.. and finally as the two of us awoke.

I have fallen in love with a wonderful, married guy. It comes with some tough times emotionally but I wasn’t blind to the pitfalls of any of this when I signed up for AM. You take a chance, a gamble… and never know what will come.

So, now… all we look forward to….. is the chance to fall back into “normal”.

Hitting the Century Mark

2010-03-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

We hit a milestone of sorts Friday morning, as Jen celebrated her 100th orgasm since we've been together last fall. And a memorable one it was....

We really weren't planning on much more than a morning get-together and a brisk spring walk, as typically Jen's offspring are home on Friday morn. But we happened to find ourselves entangled in her sheets and embarked on a heavy makeout session, and decided to risk a little love making despite the fact that one of the kids was sound asleep (hopefully) in the room down the hall. As Jen is want to do, she eagerly attacked my cock giving me a hard-on that I couldn't help but want to put to good use. But before that, we engaged in a little side-by-side 69 action, as I was deliciously in the mood to worship her pussy. I was nibbling on those fleshy outer lips of hers, all the while engaging my middle finger in a little butt play. Then I proceeded to play with her clit with my thumb on my right hand, while thrusting my tongue in and out of her wetness.. Love to get all the appendages involved!!!

But knowing this was #100 approaching, I wanted it to be special for her.. More than just an oral climax, although I'm quite sure Jen wouldn't have turned me down. So after this blissful 69 session, I flipped myself around, gazed in her eyes, and ever-so-slowly began to enter her. I love just feeling every millimeter of her dripping cunt as my cock penetrates her. After a time of some nice, slow fucking I picked up the pace ... But wait!! FUCK!! I was so damned excited, I could feel myself wanting to explode .. And God knows, I didn't want to beat her to the punch - not with #100 imminent. So I pulled out ever so briefly and gave her a deep, passionate kiss while I ground my aching cock onto her clit, letting myself recuperate for about 20 seconds. And then it was time kick it into high gear. I pushed myself back inside her and started some furious thrusting until we both exploded in an incredible, simultaneous orgasm -- Jen's 100th and my 86th.

Here's to a million more, baby ...

Tagged - Mark's Likes and Dislikes

2010-03-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the invite, Alabaster .... Made me sit down and think for a bit ....

Mark's Likes....

1. Baseball - far and away, the best pure game ever invented. There's nothing like sitting out by the pool on a hot summer day listening to a game on the radio. Preferably with Vin Scully doing play-by-play. Which is a good segue into Like #2....

2. Satellite Radio - Because I like all kinds of music -- 60s, 70s, 80s, etc. Classical, modern country, classic country, folk, rock, Broadway show tunes, .. and yes, I'll even listen to that damn rap crap. And satellite radio quenches my thirst for all that and more, including broadcasting of every Major League Baseball game throughout the regular season and playoffs. I can't fathom ever going back to over-the-air radio.

3. Summer weather - the hotter and more humid, the better. Here in the northeast U.S. the summers are so short, those sultry days are here and gone in a blink of the eye. I can never get enough. Sunday evenings in the hot summer are for sitting on the front porch listening to Classic Country. Merle Haggard, George Jones, Don Williams ....

4. A certain NFL football team that will remain nameless lest it give away our hometown. But I've been going to their home games for 37 seasons, having missed only a handful of games since I bought my first season ticket at the age of 14 (I'm now 50). There's nothing like the raw excitement of an NFL football game.

5. My life since I've met Jen. Never have I been so happy .. so content .. so in love with anyone in my entire life. Despite the fact we can't be together as much as we'd like (which is 24/7), she brings joy to every minute of my day. She's worth every second of the 50 years it took me to find her.

Mark's Dislikes ...

1. Bette Midler's "The Wind Beneath my Wings". The song just goes right through me .. I like Bette Midler; I actually don't mind the song itself. But put the two together and it's like fingernails on the blackboard. Besides, everyone knows JEN is the wind beneath my wings.

2. Corned beef. 'Tis the season!!! My apologies to the Emerald Isle, but I'd rather eat the TV Guide.

3. Howard Stern. Can somebody tell me how this untalented, homely, cynical moron ever got a job in show business? Some people love this guy, but I can't change the station fast enough when he's on. I do not see the attraction.

4. The long, Northeastern U.S. winters. Yes, I love a fresh snowfall as much as the next guy .. and nothing beats a White Christmas ... but my goodness, when you're watching the cold rain turn to snowflakes on Mother's Day .. well, enough's enough.

5. Motorcycles. OK, I can sense your shock. What red-blooded American male deeply entrenched in a mid-life crisis, who's out having wild sex with a woman other than his wife, doesn't love the freedom of the open road offered up by a Harley-Davidson? That would be me. They're loud, dangerous and frankly, they scare the shit out of me. The last and only time I rode one was as a passenger when I was 19 years old.

And Jen will feel a lot better during those thunderstorms when I'm buried with her underneath the sheets with my tongue planted firmly in her ..... ahem...

And now ... my TAG will be .... none other than Daniel of 29 Pearls in Your Kiss. Good luck, my friend ... Hope you can keep the momentum going ...

Tagged... Jen's Likes and Dislikes

2010-03-20T04:24:00.000-07:00

Having been tagged by our beautiful Aussie friend Alabaster ..
Mark and I will post our individual likes and dislikes. Ladies first…

Jens Likes…

1.Playing tennis, riding my bike , playing my piano or watching the Yankees in my free time.. When I am stressed it’s the piano time.. when I just need to move it’s tennis or a ride on my 10 speed.. to just pure lose myself .. it’s the Yanks !

2.Italian food … I love Italian food.. comfort food for me.. thus, that weight battle day to day

3.Being with my oh so sexy guy Mark.. whether it’s just hanging out on a blanket or the couch, a walk in the park, or making love to him.. every moment is the best. Even after 8 months and getting to see him almost everyday.. I still get excited when I see his car pull up.

4.Chatting with my kids.. and seeing their successes as they become very impressive adults. They have great senses of humor and make me laugh. They are great kids and I am blessed and proud to have them.

5.Sitting in front of my fireplace with a good book. One of life’s simple pleasures that I love.

Jen’s Dislikes…

1. Football and Basketball (I know .. blasphemy!)

2. Heights

3. Thinking about Mark doing things without me.
Family things, friend things with the wife.

4. spicy foods (my stomach is too old to tolerate that stuff)

5.Thunderstorms at night . While most people love to watch a good
thunderstorm I can be found waiting for it to end under the covers.

So there you have it! I guess now it’s my turn to TAG someone.. so…
GENEVIEVE … of Neptune Blue… you’re it!

This was fun actually… so.. keep it going folks.

HNT - They're playin' bas-ket-ball, we love that bas-ket-ball

2010-03-18T04:40:00.000-07:00

I must have March Madness on the brain today, as when I glanced at this pic it looked like Jen is lacing up the sneakers getting ready to go in during the next stoppage of play. And let me tell you folks, the girl's got game!

Hope you're gettin' some head in the game on Half-Nekkid Thursday!

Give me just ONE MORE NIGHT ....

2010-03-17T16:06:00.000-07:00

Jan 2010

As I have documented before, Mark and I don’t get a whole lot of evening time to spend together. I am sure “the wife” would frown if he told her he was heading out to fuck his girlfriend because, frankly.. ‘she’s tired of afternoon sex and is looking to have some fun in the evening’. Or, maybe she would just be pissed off that he said the word FUCK in front of her instead of spelling it out. Another scenario is, her responding with “Have a good time and can you pick me up some milk on the way home?” OK.. so, now I am getting a little delirious.. but, you get the gist. It just doesn’t happen too often.

But one night in mid January, an opportunity arose. He had to be somewhere and so did I, but the plan was for us both to cut out early and meet at my house, where we knew there would be nobody home but.. my dog. She’s too old to care what I am doing on the couch or behind my bedroom door.. and she’s too smart to tell what she knows. Because frankly, she knows who feeds her.

At 10pm he is rolling up my porch stairs and I am ready and waiting. We hit the bed and don’t even bother to remove clothes. Our lips and tongues find each other and I can feel his already hard cock grinding against me. I don’t know about most women.. but I swear I could cum from just that.. the feel of a his hard cock fully clothed rubbing against my also fully clothed wet and oh so sensitive clit. I have many times during some of our sessions been very close while I lay on top of him and place that straining cock in just the right spot as I move my hips and stimulate myself just the way I like it.

BUT, I am also a lover of that feeling of having a hard cock deep up inside me.. so I listen to that yearning of my pussy as it screams “NOT FAIR… I want to play too!”
I am not sure when I made that the boss of me.. but.. so far, it wins every time, and I have yet to come that way fully clothed. (not counting Marks fingers bringing it on). but, it’s one of those things going on the bucket list.

Sparing you the intimate details, because we all know.. you guys don’t come here for the talk of pounding, fingering, sucking and toy play... The night was incredible.. we made each other moan and groan.. as we came multiple times.. The talk was filthy and sexy as hell… both of us covered with each others juices, hot, sweaty, erotic and so very satisfying. Mark loves the morning sex.. but I am a huge fan of the evening sex.

I am going to suggest Mark join a bowling team in September…. Each week he can tell the Mrs. he is going out tonight and will hopefully score BIG ! She doesn’t need to know he’s really coming to my house to F-U-C-K his girlfriend.

Under-the-weather Update

2010-03-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

Jen thanks all of you for your well wishes as she battled through that nasty cold this week. And I just want to give everyone a heads-up (pun intended) that she's well on the road to recovery. We managed to spend a few hours together yesterday while I was supposed to be at work (wink, wink), and much to our delight, bodily fluids were exchanged!! While I certainly was tempting fate by me getting sick as well, let me tell you our super-hot Saturday session was well worth the risk. Took a little chill out of the air on this cold, rainy weekend here in the Northeast.

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend....

HNT - Naptime,,

2010-03-11T01:46:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't nap in stockings and heels?
Happy HNT everyone.. I'm still recouping from this nasty cold with lots of TLC
from my sweet guy.

You know it's love....

2010-03-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

when you are sick...

lying in bed looking and feeling like you were dragged down the street for a mile and a half by a big blue chevy pickup.. and he comes on his lunch hour to lay by your side..

and hold you..

rub your back...

kiss your head...

share stories to make you laugh..

whisper how much he loves you and how beautiful you are (despite how you know you look)

then tells you.. it was the best part of his day.

How lucky a girl am I?

Thank you babe.. for making the worst days seem better. <3

Lunch ... and then some ....

2010-03-05T18:56:00.000-08:00

Because Jen gave all our readers a tease in her HNT post, I figured we owed it to our faithful followers to provide a follow-up to our Thursday lunch plans. And yes, Thursday we indeed had lunch .... Well, for about 5 minutes anyway before we got down to business. Now I'm not the world's greatest erotica writer -- especially compared to some of our friends here in the blog-o-sphere -- so I'm just going to focus on the highlights. (And as a woman who always has something to say... I will throw in my 2 cents when I feel it's needed.)

I got the ball rolling early that morning by texting Jen and letting her know this was going to be an "All about you day ..." I just get in those moods sometimes where her pleasure becomes my sole focal point. And that was on my mind the minute I sprung out of bed Thursday morning. (Ah yes, and my whole morning was consumed with the thought .. even though I was at work I wasn't thinking about work.)

It's tough concentrating at work knowing we're going to be meeting later that day, especially on those days when we know we'll have her big 'ol house all to ourselves. Lucky for me it was a busy morning at work, and before I could say "My balls are barkin'!, 12:30 had arrived and I was making the short, 15-minute drive to her house. I like to get myself in the mood by listening to music filled with a little "innuendo" on the drive in -- one of my current favorite's is "Carry Out", by Justin Timberlake and Timbaland.

So after we quickly wolfed down our sandwiches, we proceeded to the bedroom where it wasn't long before I had her sweater up over her shoulders, and her bra stretched up exposing those firm nipples that I so love to suck.(ooooh how the girls love the attention) Alternating between them and giving each equal time, with one between my lips and the other twisting roughly between my thumb and forefinger. My desire was starting to build as Jen's heavy moans and her encouraging words were driving me wild. Not holding back any longer, I just HAD to have her pussy in my mouth and I quickly removed her bottoms ....

Her first orgasm came in no time, as I had two fingers probed deep inside her while my tongue worked her clit. It was only a matter of minutes before she was arching her back and having those spasms I so love to feel from her -- her sweet pussy juice cumming in waves all over my face. (yep, that about sums that up... I was so ready it didn't take long)

Precisely at the moment she had that last convulsion, the phone rings ... It was a call she was waiting for, so she had to take it. No problem, I told myself. I bided my time, but soon started to tease a little, looking to get a head start on her next climax. So I crawled up next to her, nibbled on her fingertips, and seductively sucked them into my mouth, just looking to tease a little all the while she was on the phone. I was just moving down and getting started on her toes when the conversation ended, she hung up, and we were able to pick up where we left off ... (good thing I got to hang up because when his tongue hit my toes.. I am sure I was moaning loudly )

I was ready to thrust my throbbing hardness into her, but Jen turns to me and says "but I haven't even sucked your cock yet!" And I replied "No baby .. remember - this is an all about YOU day". To which she responded "Well, if its all about ME then I want to suck that fucking cock of yours!" So fellas -- how much of a fight do you think I put up with THAT one? Ahhhh... I thought so -- one thing I know about our readers -- they're smart! Her head was bobbing up and down on my thick shaft in no time...(ok I am just smirking as I read this.. feeling my mouth and tongue teasing him is the best thing since sliced bread for me)

After that staggering cocksucking session, I decided it was time to fuck. I needed to feel her wetness surrounding that cock of mine. But first I turned her on her side and moved in for the next round of oral sensations ... tongueing her ass with my tongue (AHHHH) .. giving her the rim action I had been fantasizing about all morning. I loved it as I slipped my forefinger into her cunt and worked her ass with my thumb .. never keeping my tongue out of the loop.

Not to lose the momentum, I rolled her over on her back and began fucking her missionary - loving it as she grabbed my butt from behind to encourage me to fuck her harder .. deeper .. With one leg pinned to her ear, I did just that and soon picked up the pace ... fucking her harder, deeper ... thrusting faster.... Orgasm #2 in the books. ... (bows)

I let her relax for a couple of minutes, but still - I wanted to give her more. I continued to fuck her missionary, but this time reached down with my hand to finger her clit while I kept working my now-soaked cock deep inside her.. This was an all new sensation for me, as I loved the feeling of my balls slapping her ass, while my cock was slick from her pussy juices and my fingers kept busy on her clit.(Ok men, here is a tip if you didn't already know.. having my already sensitive clit played with while he was fucking me... flood gates opened quickly ) Orgasm #3- history. But this time I didn't stop, as it was my turn and finally I released my pent-up load, much to the relief of my swollen jewels. (Jewels? lol )

We spent the next half hour or enjoying those moments we love best -- lying naked in each others arms, alternating between laughing, serious conversation, soft kisses, passionate kisses - and just gazing into each others eyes. These are the moments where we wish time stood still.

A glance at the clock, and I'm regrettably thinking its time to start making my way back to work. Jen had other plans ... She moved down to my embarrassingly tiny flaccid cock, and I'm thinking to myself "Good luck with that girl -- I think he's had it!!" But I should have known better - don't EVER underestimate Jen nor her ability to work my manhood back to life.(yea, I am smirking again ) She started sucking me -- her pussy juices and my cum still coating my cock - and I could start to feel the tingling .. Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, my guy was up, at-em, and ready for business!! I'm thinking Jen's got her sights set on Orgasm #4 -- but no!!! She shifts her cocksucking skills into overdrive and I'm telling you -- it isn't 30 seconds later and I'm shooting my second load deep down her throat.(Surprised even me to be honest.. it was filling my mouth before I knew what happened)

I love listening to her swish my cum around in my mouth before she swallows, and I can't wait to kiss her passionately as I always do after one of her mind-boggling blowjobs. Can there be anything more intimate?

I'm torn -- do I shower before I head back to work? I so love to carry Jen's cum taste on my lips all day.. And especially today after working her ass with my tongue. And later in the day, I do love to reach down down into my pants and still feel a little of that slickness left on my cock and bring some of it up to my tongue for a taste... But damn .. that shower feels SO good after one of these sessions. So I opt for cleanup. And I always regret it later in the day.

Final score on the Orgas-O-Meter -- Jen 3, Mark 2. I must say, even "All about Jen" days have their way of working out OK for me, don't they? and I am still smirking.. ; )

HNT - How can I show my excitement?

2010-03-04T03:48:00.000-08:00

After a look at the girls.....

Looks like I am very happy my lover is coming over for lunch today ..<3

Happy HNT friends !!

You make me smile

2010-03-02T03:12:00.000-08:00

As I've explained so many times before, very often Jen has that way of touching me with the words she put's together in our morning email exchange . And Monday morning's email was one of those days...

"And yesterday.. i laugh when I think about how you say how great I looked.. with my paint covered tshirt and jeans.. no makeup and hair a mess... I know you love me when you can get past all that and still think I look good. But I was so very happy to get the chance to see you on a Sunday.. a day we just figured we would not see each other at all. Maybe you don't realize how much those sacrifices you make for me mean to me, but, it means a whole lot. We have put ourselves in a tough spot.. this was obviously not the ultimate time to fall in love with each other... and the great thing about being in love is.. feeling special (number one) to someone .. and them to you. I always hear you say how important I am to your life...but, we both know.. words are just words.. anyone can say them.. but, the action is the proof to me. You have gone out of your way to make me feel special of late.. and if I don't thank you in person.. I am doing so now. I need to feel like, despite the poor choice I may have made in falling for a married man, this isn't a mistake. What we have is real and special... to both of us."

Yes, we tell each other we love each other 100 times a day .. But seeing those words yesterday just gave me a sense of serenity that carried with me the rest of the day, throughout the night, and even into this morning...

I love you Jen .. Every heartbeat belongs to you...

Our First Toy Review - Livin' the Dream!

2010-03-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

OK, I can already hear you mumbling under your breath .. "What's going on here Mark? You've only been blogging a couple of months, and already you've sold out to BIG Pleasure Toy?" Well, put yourself in my shoes -- Jen and I get an email offering us a FREE ITEM .. And the only requirement is I have to have sex, introduce said item into our play, and post a review within 3 weeks of delivery. Are you kidding me???? Do you know how long it took for me to reply to THAT inquiry? Less than 10 seconds, my friends. Yes, after years of an S-E-X less marriage, Markie-Mark is livin' the dream....

So anyway, the company with the offer I couldn't refuse was The Adult Toy Shoppe. And let me start out by saying our dealings with them were nothing but top-notch. Correspondence was quick and very responsive, instructions were clear, and shipping was discrete and extremely fast. A week hadn't elapsed between the initial offer email and the time that UPS dropped the item at Jen's front door. And needless to say, we were anxious to get to work.

Jen already has a few weapons in her arsenal, so she deferred the selection to me -- something I would enjoy. So I picked the Men's Pleasure Wand, pictured here to the right.

Although a novice anal enthusiast, I was ready for the challenge. We've used a couple of Jen's vibrators for my anal pleasuring in the past, but I must say, the thinner profile of the Pleasure Wand made for easier, deeper penetration. While recommended for solo play or for a "sexy foreplay encounter", Jen and I chose the foreplay method for this review. Well, not exactly foreplay -- "between play" is more like it. We already had knocked off a spectacular 3 orgasm session before we embarked on our Pleasure Wand adventure. And Jen had nothing but good things to say about the strategic location of the ring handle, as it made her work quite enjoyable and facilitated the penetration process. Click here as she works her magic. As for pleasuring the prostate? Well, with all due respect to Dr. Chevron, my trusty urologist, nothing can top the Pleasure Wand!!! My prostate has never been so gratified!

Any negatives? Well, I did find the lowest speed almost unnoticeable. But heck, maybe that's a factor of my age. You know how the older you get the less you can hear those high-pitched tones that dogs can hear? Well, perhaps its the same deal with anal vibes ... And that hook on the end? The scrotum massager? It really didn't do too much for me ... Although keep in mind I had the world's greatest scrotum satisfier working her craft with her lips and tongue. Sure toys are great, but nothing beats the real thing!! So yes -- I will admit, I wasn't using the scrotum massager in its best configuration -- solo mode.

But all-in-all, Jen and I loved the toy and we'll definitely be using it again. I'm giving it 3.5 out of 5 stars, losing one star for the indifference to the scrotum massage and a half point for no feel on the lowest vibe setting. And 5 out of 5 stars for The Adult Toy Shoppe --- stop by and browse when you get a chance. It's well worth the trip!

HNT - Nipple Nuzzling

2010-02-25T17:42:00.000-08:00

Keeping warm here in the "nipply" Northeast.

The Orgas-O-Meter

2010-02-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

For our loyal readers out there (OK -- maybe readers shouldn't be plural), you've heard me reference the Orgas-O-Meter in some of my posts documenting our sexcapades. Well, my friends ... it REALLY does exist!! See above...

OK -- call me a nerd, call me a geek... I confess. I mean, only some four-eyed, horned-rimmed, coke bottle glasses pencil-necked geek would DO such a thing, right? Well, I do wear contacts.

But seriously -- it must be the engineer in me. Or the Sabremetric-loving baseball fan. You know, pouring over stats such as OPS (isn't that Orgasms Per Second?) and ERA (Erections Requiring Arousal??). But there it is -- all documented in living color in an Excel Column Chart. Let me explain.

The chart documents Jen and my orgasms running from the month of our first sexual encounter (Sep - 2009) until this month, Feb 2010. The blue bars (with the color signifying the color of my balls prior to Sep-09) represent my orgasms, with the pink bars naturally associated with Jen's mind-blowing, mind-bending, earth moving, eye-opening (Hate to brag!!!!) climaxes. As you can see, Jen has earned MVP (Most Valuable Penis-pleaser) status for 6 consecutive months now.

Now we do have rules for what constitutes an orgasm. Well, one rule - we must be engaged in some sexual activity together (no, those times alone in my basement watching YouPorn don't count!) . And I'm sure right now our savvy, dedicated readers are saying "Now wait just one second there, Markie-Mark... It's well documented that Jen enjoys watching you stroke yourself to orgasm - does THAT count?" And I scoff at you skeptics!!!!!! Why of course it does!!! If you indeed were a savvy reader, you would know that Jen usually has her well-lubed finger up my butt or is working our favorite toy up my forbidden passage, and/or has her lips on my scrotum during those self-pleasuring moments -- so heck -- a girl only has so many hands to work with!!!!

Now some of you may look at these numbers and consider them a pittance. A paltry sum. And I admit -- if Jen and I had unfettered access to each other, we would put these numbers to shame. But the fact is, we DON'T have unlimited time together, so I'm sure my adulterous friends can sympathize with me. Back when we started this relationship, because of my limited availability I considered seeing each other once a week and actually getting it on once per month would be a success. Well, much to my delight it has turned into SO much more than that...

157 total orgasms between Sep 4, 2009 and today, our seven month anniversary of when we first exchanged Ashley Madison messages ... Not bad for a guy that was averaging about 2 per month during his 15 years of matrimony...

And today's not over yet. Wink-wink. Happy Anniversary, baby!!!

HNT - Olympic Spectator Edition

2010-02-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

That's some Triple Toe Loop!

Happy HNT !!

Just feel like making love......

2010-02-17T06:18:00.000-08:00

This is just a spur of the moment post. I haven’t talked about it beforehand with Mark nor did I really give much thought to what I was going to say, but, I felt compelled to write in lieu of our last few weeks together. Actually, I was going to talk to Mark about documenting our FIRST sexual encounter, but.. I am going to leave that for another time.

I am moving instead, to our last sexual encounter, which coincidentally, was last night. While it is still fresh in my mind I just wanted to tell you about the “love making” more than the “sex”. (Or if you are Marks wife.. you must spell it out .. S-E-X)

Mark managed to maneuver some one on one evening time for us. That doesn’t happen often due to his life as a husband and father. I am sure any of you in this position understand that completely. Stolen moments for us.. are usually his work times when he can slip away without notice of taking time from his family. So, because I had some time to prepare, I wanted the evening to be special. We were both looking forward to this night especially since we had had several very hot make out sessions days before, where poor Mark left with a very noticeable hard on and precum stains on his nice dress pants.

The night was going to be alone time for US. I got my hair cut, bought new silky thigh highs, put on my silky short robe and high heels, lit the candles, poured the wine and watched the clock. When he arrived, he walked into the bedroom where I stood waiting. His face said everything I had hoped it would. His first words were, “My God, you look gorgeous” as he stepped forward to kiss me. In my heels we were close to the same height and as we kissed, I could feel him getting hard and pressing against me in all the right spots.

Needless to say… we made love. It wasn’t frantic, hurried sex (oops sorry.. S-E-X) but, slow, deliberate love making. From the prolonged time his tongue and finger spent probing and sucking… to the oh so fluid moment when he moved up to slide ever slowly into me. I felt his eyes never leave mine, his mouth whispering how much he loved me, his lips move down to silence my gasps as he took me to that place that only he can. When loving me becomes making love to me.

I am celebrating my love with this man with all of you. For, true love brings so many rewards… and while we love to just fuck sometimes… these moments of true connection of mind and body, will be the things that get me through these tough times. I am grateful for having all of you to share it with.

Mark, I love you babe.. thank you for making last night one of those nights.. when “everything is right with the world”

Happy Valentine's Day (Mark)

2010-02-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

As the days approached to Valentine's Day, needless to say I was apprehensive. You see, I have been out of the "relationship game" for a good 15 years now. i.e., the entire time I've been married to The Wife. Even while we were dating, Feb. 14 never took on any other meaning than just another day on the calendar, as The Wife doesn't tend to recognize these publicly acclaimed holidays and instead tends to weigh their religious overtones. So she'd rather go to Mass, read a verse on the life of St. Valentine, and say a family rosary then blow $100 on candy and a dinner.

So I was trying to gauge Jen as Valentine's Day approached. And as with most all the major holidays, Jen holds them very close to her heart. No, she doesn't need to spend a king's ransom for gifts or a night out on the town. But more importantly, she wants to spend them with the people she loves. And on Valentine's Day, the man she loves. Can't say I blame her .... :) When you hear the term "down to earth", that describes Jen to a tea. It's one of the many things that attracted me to her, and it's one of the many things that overwhelmed me with the desire to spend the rest of my days with her. Yes, she places a high priority on holidays like these, but her heart is in precisely the right place -- with her family and the ones she loves most. And words can't describe how lucky I am to have earned a place in that loving heart of hers.

So we broached the topic the other day after a morning of passionate love-making. And I was quite relieved at her suggestion, something that I hadn't thought of. Yes, let's not acknowledge this day until we can spend it the right way -- in each others arms and belonging to no one else but each other. Yes, we exchanged heart-felt cards, but nothing more than that. While of course we'll greet each other with a "Happy Valentine's Day!!" when we sign onto our Instant Messenger sessions in the morning, but there will be no clandestine meetings down at the marina where we exchange gifts or anything like that. I thought about suggesting that, but to be completely honest, it just didn't feel right.

So when we do this, we're going to do it right ... And that day can't come soon enough.

Happy Valentines Day, Jen ... I love you, and here's to Feb. 14th, 2011.....

Happy Valentines Day .. (Jen)

2010-02-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

We are approaching a tough place in a relationship such as ours...

VALENTINES DAY !!

My oldest child (the oh so wise one) used to call this "Happy Singles Awareness Day".. due to the fact that she almost never had a boyfriend during this time of year. I always felt bad for her but, she never seemed to feel bad for herself. She was always OK with being single. This year I am ‘technically’ single.. but, most of my friends think I am in a relationship. Very confusing isn’t it?

Mark asked the other day .. ‘What do we do about Valentines Day?’ It falls on a weekend and we seldom see each other on weekends. I had that moment of sadness/anger when I thought.. Happy Single Awareness Day Jen ! Being in love with a married man warrants you a day alone on a day when couples are celebrating their love.

After a moment or two of thought.. I decided.. let’s do nothing. No flowers, no gifts, no candy. No disappointment. I outright said to him ..”I don’t want our first Valentine memory to be while you are married to someone else”. It’s true. How would that be down the road.?. “Oh yes honey… remember our first Valentines Day together, when we met in the parking lot for 14 minutes and exchanged cards and candy (sigh) “

Better to forego this one.. enjoy my single status and make it a day like any other. Right now I am OK with being single and have learned from my eldest child, that a day like Valentines Day is certainly a great day for those in love to celebrate that and make special effort to reaffirm that love on that day. But, for those of us who can’t do that or don’t have someone to do that with right now.. It is just a day to be happy with where you are and who you are.

Maybe I will send my oh so wise daughter a card.. reminding her how much I love and miss her.

PS.. I Love you Mark.. and I don't need a special day to tell you that! <3

HNT - Olympic Edition- Pregame

2010-02-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

Gettin' ready for a little Free-Stylin' ...

Butterfly Kisses......

2010-02-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

I feel terrible.

I just got a text from Mark who is on a date (father/daughter dance) with his 2 girls.

The text read.. "Just danced with the girls to Butterfly Kisses. A real tear-jerker"

UGH. What am I doing?

This is an amazing man who adores his girls more than life itself. His younger daughter Sara, the one who "cracks him up" with her quick wit and silly girlish chatter. She is sure she will grow up to be a rock star... and won't even consider it not to be an option.
Then there is Allison.. who is Daddy's girl. She and Mark have that wonderful relationship.. she makes him lunch, goes with him on errands.. wants to be with Dad and just cherishes him, and Mark feels exactly the same about her. So, what do I think I'm doing?

What selfish bone in my body thinks its fair to take him from these 2 little beings who probably couldn't imagine waking up not to see Daddy sitting at the table with his coffee and paper. These sweet children he brought into this world with the expectation of watching them grow from innocent, lovable young girls to arrogant but still lovable teens? What would happen to them if one day, Daddy wasn't there to kiss them goodnight. Will their whole life come unraveled?

I at the moment, wish I could turn back time.. or move it ahead.. or just make it stand still. Apparently I don't know what I want... but, I know I don't want to hurt two beautiful young souls who expect their lives to be this happy and simple forever. How could I ask him to leave that for me?

I can't... can I?

HNT - What's Jen up to?

2010-02-04T00:01:00.000-08:00

Click here to find out ...

One hint -- she's not looking for her contact lens... ;)

Happy HNT !!

You walked out of my dreams and into my arms

2010-02-01T17:20:00.001-08:00

Now you're my angel divine ....

July 30 2009

Time to take a trip back in time. That day when Jen and I met for the first time, in person.

For those of you who haven't read the whole story, and to serve as a quick recap, Jen and I met on Ashley Madison. We exchanged several emails and texts, spent countless hours Instant Messaging, and after about 7 or 8 days of this, we decided it was time for the meet-n-greet. So we agreed to meet at a coffee shop on Jen's side of town on a Thursday in the mid-afternoon. When she told me she'd be in a black Ford Escape, I kind of snickered -- whenever I had advanced to this stage in any one of these AM, Craigslist, or any other "illicit encounter" relationship, two out of the three women ultimately drove Ford Escape's. The "Cheater Mobile", I liked to call it.

Looking back at the time leading up to our first meeting, I didn't have that typical sense of nervousness or hesitation usually associated with these sometimes terrifying events. With Jen, it was different. I had this subtle confidence that we were going to hit it off -- that the chemistry would be there. As I mentioned in previous posts, I was totally enamored with her writing, with the way she communicated in emails and in chats. With others, I had dared to jump into the sexual conversations right away, but other than establishing up front that we were both devoted connoisseurs of the oral passions, we didn't venture too much down that path in our electronic conversations.

So I drove into the lot at the coffee shop and there was the black Ford Escape. I pulled into the spot next to her, glanced over and sure enough -- that was Jen! Just like the photos we had exchanged. I had that sense of relief. We both got out of our vehicles, smiled and began our conversations that would continue on for the next three hours. As luck would have it, there was a park within walking distance of the coffee shop, so we grabbed a couple beverages and headed over to pick out a shelter where we could sit down and get to know each other.

As we were walking over to the park, we had to cross a narrow bridge where I skillfully maneuvered Jen into leading the way so I could check her out from behind. You see, Jen had worried that I would not be satisfied with her back side, but much to my delight I leered at it and thought to myself "Yes sir Markie, I can see spending a LOT of time back there..."

So by now dear readers, if you haven't left already, I'm sure you're saying to yourself "OK Mark -- cut the crap.. Get to the part where you take her behind the shelter, you whip out that stiff cock of yours and Jen gleefully sucks it until your sticky goo is dripping down her chin". Hate to disappoint you folks, but it ain't happenin'. There's no "there" there in this story. If you're looking for one of those stories, click over to the Hornycouple - my good friends there never disappoint in that regard.

But I digress.. No my friends, nothing more happened than just hours of good-natured conversation. We sat at that picnic table and our chats ran the gamut from my kids to her kids, to our mutual passion for a certain soon-to-be-crowned World Champion Major League Baseball team. We swapped war stories on our Ashley Madison experiences, our history of marital problems, and the dramas of our current relationships. We even discussed religion, as no topic was off limits. And I even learned something in the process -- Jen showed me how to use the auto complete texting feature on my cell phone. And I thought I was the engineer!

After about 3 hours of non-stop talking, laughing and giggling (she has the most infectious little giggle I've ever heard), we reluctantly made our way back to the coffee shop. As we were walking back over the bridge, I got a little bold and said "You know, I find it hard to believe you were worried about that butt of yours. You're in great shape!" And true to form, she giggled and made some wise-crack remark that right now I can't recall. When we finally arrived at her vehicle, we stood just outside her driver-side door and continued our chat for another 10 minutes or so. And as the conversation was drawing to its inevitable close, I now had to ask the Million Dollar question -- "Soooooo............ Would you like to pursue this any further?"

And time stood still as I anxiously awaited her response. There might have been non-stop rush-hour traffic whizzing by us at that very moment, but you could hear a pin drop in those milliseconds of time it took for her reply ....

"I'd love to.... You're adorable!"

And I've been walking on sunshine ever since.

HNT - And Now Say Hello to.....

2010-01-27T11:36:00.000-08:00

The Girls!!!!

Our New Year Celebration - Riding the Storm Out

2010-01-23T06:13:00.001-08:00

Jan 5, 2010

We had a rough New Years, no doubt. But.. we got through and looked forward to our first chance at being alone after the long hiatus since Christmas Eve day. Here's a little recap, with Mark's thoughts interspersed in italics.

I usually work late on Tuesday nights but it's the only night we know my house will be empty as both my kids have commitments that night. So, Mark thought he could swing "a meeting" story that Tuesday night.

Yes .. the phantom "Football Board Meeting".... I had to drive my son home from school that night, and there was quite a snowstorm going on. If I drive him all the way home, I risk being late for our rendezvous. So I call The Wife -- "Can you meet me halfway and pick up Alex so I can get to my Board Meeting on time?" "Why of course" she replies, not realizing she probably just earned her errant husband some more time to score an extra orgasm. Not to mention Jen!

Mark was on a mission this particular eve.. he was focused on one goal and that was seeing me squirm and making sure the first explosion that eve was mine. After some very sensual passionate kissing at the door we made our way to the bedroom. Shoes off.. Mark presses me back on the bed and sets about the task at hand. He slides my shirt and bra up.. not wasting time to remove them and heads straight to my ooooh so sensitive nipples. How 'the girls' love the attention and I can feel the wet spot forming on my panties with each tug of my hard nipple with his mouth and teeth.

Jen has opened my eyes to my long-dormant sexuality. While I used to be more on the passive side, she has brought out the aggressiveness in me. After one of our first encounters, she told me she enjoys the rough sucking and playful biting of her nipples. I've been more than happy every since to oblige.

Mark quickly sheds most of his clothes except for his boxers and slides back up to kiss me and do one of the most sexually erotic things I have ever experienced... he grinds that hard cock against my fully clothed, ever sensitive clit. After the work-up on my tits, this just sends me to places my body can't comprehend and all I can think about is how bad I want to cum. I don't remember but I am sure I vocalized that.. and Mark kindly obliged by removing my pants and undies and sending me into full freedom with his fingers and mouth. Heart pounding, body draining ecstasy at that moment.

Affirmative, my love -- you vocalized that in no uncertain terms!! With nearly two weeks elapsed since our last encounter, I had an incredibly intense, burning desire to taste Jen's pussy. Her juices were flowing like never before. I love inserting my middle finger inside her, giving the "come hither" motion, and all the while alternating between playful flicks and hard sucking of her clit with my tongue and mouth. It wasn't long before she was writhing in orgasmic ecstasy. There's nothing that sates me more than bringing her to climax that way.

He's clearly not done with me.. he truly is on a mission tonight. Back up he slides as he rests that boxer covered hardon against my now so sensitive clit.. and grinds against me. My wetness soaking his boxers, his cock finds that lovely little slit and sneaks out now skin against skin as we lock eyes and he continues his assault. I push off his boxers and his cock finds it entry into my warm, wet opening. As always, that moment when he first presses into me, as my pussy clenches tight around him .. makes me moan. He lifts my leg onto his shoulder and with a finger touches my hardened clit while he fucks me... that does it to me everytime.. I cum all over his cock as he holds it deep inside me.

One of our favorite positions is missionary with her leg raised up and over my shoulder. It just seems like I can penetrate her so deeply ... balls slapping wildly against her ass... This is the way I entered Jen the very first time we fucked -- we haven't looked back since.

Clearly it's my turn to take some control and take care of him.. as I lay him on his back and climb over him.. I love the tease of pressing his hard cock against his stomach as I slide my wetness over him.. and just move up and down covering him with my juices.. then teasing my clit with the head as I flick him back and forth against it... certainly does things for me and Mark never complains.. but then all I wanted was to hear him say.. "I'm cumming baby" so I slipped him in and rode him until those words were rising between the moans. I love the feeling as he begins to pulse and I feel him emptying into me. Between that and the sounds of our bodies and our voices.. I am so turned on I can't help but join him as we finish almost together.

I shoot my load hard and deep into her fiery cunt. Her pussy cum already smothering my cock, my cum now mixes in ... I continue to thrust, pumping in and out and making that squishy sound we so enjoy. And our satisfaction is never complete until both our juices come gushing out of her, dribbling down my cock and ultimately making its way between my thighs, soaking the comforter.

We rest for awhile as we laugh and chat and relax tangled up together. This, dear reader, is almost as fulfilling as the previous sexual encounter.. because the comfortable togetherness fills those empty spaces in my heart. But.. I haven't been sated, I need to feel that cock between my lips and before you know it.. I am there, bringing him back to life, tasting our juices all over as I work my tongue and lips from top to bottom. Moving below under his balls, then sucking his balls as I stroke... watching him harden and taking the opportunity to slide him between my tits for a brief time as I love to watch that dick sliding between them. My thoughts though, are on having a bit of assplay as he strokes. I think it is as sexy as hell watching a man stroke his cock .. and as I wet my finger and slide it into that nub .. my tongue finds his rock hard balls and his hand is running up and down the length of his shaft.. as I hear my favorite words.. I rise up to cover him with my mouth and take in every drop.

Our "down" time is indeed our most precious of moments. But there is no rest for the wicked. Jen sucks my cock squeaky clean, bringing me back to an erection that matches our first round. She then rubs oil on my cock, and then inserts her finger in my ass, that by now is begging for her touch. I grab my cock and stroke it vigorously knowing that when I give the signal -- "I'm going to explode again, baby" -- her mouth will be there to take in every delicious drop of my seed.

Happy New Year Baby...

I love you baby. I could never love you enough to satisfy me.

HNT - All that glitters...

2010-01-20T14:09:00.001-08:00

We've all heard of that "shiny drop of precum", right? Well THIS takes that to a new level! Jen was in a picture taking mood the other day during one of our intense lunchtime makeout sessions, and snapped this "special effect". And as luck would have it, she just couldn't keep from helping herself to a little taste, turning that single drop into a full-fledged gusher in record time!

Life is what happens while you're making plans

2010-01-18T02:43:00.000-08:00

All that you need is right here in your hands.

From Sheryl Crow's "Diamond Road".

So yes... we had "The Talk". And as Jen has shared her reflections on it, I'd like to do the same myself.

Believe it or not, I never wanted to avoid the subject of "Where do we go from here and what's the plan for it?" It's just that until recently, there was no reason to do that. As we've said on numerous occasions, this relationship began as a quest for sex - never once did the possibility ever enter my mind that I was going to leave my family to begin a new life with whomever filled that need. So no seed was in place from the start, i.e. no plan. Now admittedly we both fell hard for each other real fast. But still -- it's only been a month, right? Which became, "well it's only been two months, right?" Which became three, etc. But no one could ever blame me for not having a plan in place after only a couple of months, right? Of course not -- everyone knows the excitement and the freshness of a new relationship, especially when there's wild animal sex going on, often clouds the big picture.

But our well-documented miserable holiday season came and went, and now tomorrow dawns our 6-month anniversary. Yes, 6 months since Jen's reply to my first Ashley Madison message, when she essentially gave the green light to pursue things further. And for some reason, I consider this a big milestone. Half a year. And the excitement and the freshness hasn't worn off. Not even close. We see each other now more than ever (5 out of 7 days last week, with 3 separate opportunities for sex and 12 orgasms between us to add to the Orgas-O-Meter). And we look forward to our time together now more than ever, even if there isn't a chance for sex. Plain and simple we have a Perfect chemistry, a Perfect love -- we make the Perfect couple. PERFECT .. we seem to use that word a lot with each other.

So last week I paid a lunchtime visit to Jen at her office. While I didn't intend to bring up "The Plan" that day, we found a little quiet time to be alone and instead of launching into our usual makeout session, I decided it was time to have some much-needed discussion. And we both laid our hearts out on the table .. Talked about our joys, our love for each other, our fears and where we go from here in OUR relationship. And frankly, it was quite easy to put boundaries on it. Based on our brutal holiday experience, those intense feelings of loneliness on both our parts, we agreed that never again do we want to spend another Christmas holiday season in that state. And that means I have to resolve my current situation by then and leave Jen no doubt in her mind whatsoever that our lives together will soon begin, if not having done so already. And along the way -- between now and the end of 2010 - I have to give Jen hard evidence that the wheels are indeed in motion.

So now my astute readers, you might be saying to yourself "Gee Mark, you're giving up a lot there .. I thought relationships were all about give-and-take. I see you giving a lot, but where's the take?" And of course I considered that as well. You see during our discussion, I told Jen my greatest fear was starting to put the plan in place -- essentially breaking up the family -- and then having her say to me midstream "Mark, I love you but I can't take another weekend alone" and have her find someone to keep her company on those lonely weekends. So in exchange for "The Plan", I just asked for a firm commitment from Jen .. That not only will she be there for me in the end, but each and every step of the way. You see I've had two relationships in the past, my first marriage and the fiance-that-never was, that ended in infidelity on their part. And despite some 20+ removed from those heart-wrenching events, I still will never forget that pain.

So that essentially became the plan - together forever by the New Year. Which of course puts boundaries on this Blog. If the plan doesn't come to fruition, Mark & Jen are no more. Yet if the plan plays out -- together forever -- we're just another old couple posting shrimp scampi recipes. But still incrementing that Orgas-O-Meter, albeit at a three sigma pace!

Sit down son, we have to talk

2010-01-15T15:31:00.000-08:00

So.. the New Year has begun.. and Mark and I finally had “the talk”.
noooo...Not the "let me tell you about the facts of life" talk ..… the “what’s the plan” talk.

When we met, neither of us were worried about a plan or a future. We just wanted to find someone we could have crazy, wild, uninhibited sex with. My guy and I were on some kind of hiatus apparently, and Marks wife took the hard religious stand of.. “if we aren’t trying to procreate, sex is immoral” (see Marks post below) . Barren.. both of us. Horny.. yep, both of us. Frustrated?.. oh yea. Ashley Madison… yea, that was us too. But, you know all of that if you read the previous posts.

Here we are 6 months later.. suddenly in love with each other. Having that wild, uninhibited sex every chance we get. Hanging out as much as possible even if just for lunch or a couple hours after work. Still having that incomplete feeling without each other. We call them “hole in our heart” days… when you just ache to be with your love. He was everything I could have hoped for, and more.
Realizing, this isn’t just the blush of a new romance, but truly, LOVE.. in the simplest and purest form.

What happens next? Here's the sticky part.

Mark has told me more times than I can count that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We both are awed by this connection we have found at the age 50. And being 50... we both know that rest of our lives could be only a few years to 20 or 30 more.But, it's hard to talk about a future when I know people will be hurt, especially kids. So, most of the time we just don't talk about it.. we allude to it.

This isn’t an actual conversation we’ve had.. but you get the gist of how they go from my imaginary convo.

(curtain open,, enter SL)

Him: I love you so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Me: I know babe .. I feel that way too. Hmmmm, but… you still have a wife and kids

Him: Oh yea, that’s a problem right?

Me: Yea, sorta. Too many people in this relationship.

Him: We need a plan.

Me: We do need a plan. (silence)
Sooo.. how about them Yankees?

Him: Great season.

The end (bows, exit stage right)

Avoidance.. we were good at it. But the holidays made everything more important. I couldn’t bear to go through another set of those.

Thus… “the talk” of “a plan”

HNT...

2010-01-14T04:13:00.001-08:00

Just love my "fuck me" shoes.....................

Right here, right now, there is no other place I want to be

2010-01-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

As Jen weaves her tale of our first intimate time together, I think it's important for me to describe my sexual past (if you want to call it that), as it helps a great deal in understanding how I arrived at where I am today. And while I'm trying to strike a balance in my postings between the bawdy sex tales and the intense love and passion we have for each other (although in a perfect world, the two would go hand-in-hand. And guess what? Jen and I HAVE formed this perfect world!!). But I do understand dear readers that the sex is what brings you here ... Let's not kid ourselves!

So anyhow, I'm just going to ramble a little here, giving you nuggets of my sexual history as they pop into my head. And one note to my dear Jen -- in no way should you consider this a challenge to document your past and put it out there for public consumption.That's NOT what's prompting me to do this .. I am driven solely by the fact that I enjoy doing this, and it's a somewhat comical reflection on my 30 year sexual history, or lack thereof. (I didn't start until I was 20 years of age).

I never had a date through high school.
I first had sex at a Texas Massage Parlor in 1980, at age 20. For $20 she sucked my cock, and then rode me cowgirl. I still remember her name -- an Asian girl, named Kimmy. As she bounced up and down she asked me if I came yet. I'm thinking to myself "Huh? What the fuck is she talking about?".. And I don't think I ever did.. Don't recall -- if I did it certainly wasn't very memorable.
Since I was a lad, I was obsessed with eating pussy. Even though I never got the chance until .. Kimmy!!! First thing I did was dive into that hairy twat. Didn't give a rats ass if she was a two-bit whore or how many cocks had been there before.
I married the first girl I ever dated. I was 26 at the time. She was .... how do I put this nicely? She was a fat chick. I had very low self-esteem and thought she was the only woman I'd ever be able to get.
When I dated the first wife, she liked to suck cock a lot. But I never finished. Ever. I remember after a surprise party she threw for my college graduation, she tried to get me to cum in her mouth. It seemed like she was down there for days, but I couldn't do it. I remember she cried after that.
We dated for 4 years and were divorced after 1. Never did anything but missionary, except she got drunk one night and wanted me to do her doggy. Little did I know it would be some 25 years before I would do doggy again.
Never did 69 with Wife #1.
I never had more than one orgasm in a single day with Wife #1. We probably averaged about once per week.
I ate the first wife's pussy, albeit infrequently. It tasted and smelled real bad.
We divorced after 1 year when she started screwing around on me with some guy from the steel plant.
I started dating after the divorce, but nothing juicy to report.. What a waste -- this should have been my prime season!
I started dating my future ex-fiance Christine within a year after the divorce. She enjoyed sex, and reluctantly sucked my cock. But not to completion. Ever. She would go down on me, but told me it "didn't do anything" for her. That didn't keep me from eating her pussy though. Much better tasting than Wife #1. And she enjoyed it, but never had an orgasm from it.
Christine would do me exclusively cowgirl. Any attempt at missionary was quickly rebuffed. She told me it "didn't do anything" for her.
Never did 69 with Christine.
Never did doggie with Christine.
Christine and I always had simultaneous orgasms, but the most we ever did it in a single day was twice. And that was with many hours between sessions.
The marriage never came off, as Christine started fucking Richard about a month before the wedding.
I started dating Sharon, my future Wife #2 (and still is to this day, in fact) about a month after the breakup with Christine. Sharon will heretofore be referred to as "The Wife".
On the eve of my doomed Wedding Day to the future ex-fiance, Christine broke up with Richard. Informed me we still had the Honeymoon Suite reserved at the local Marriot and wondered if I'd like to join her. "Fuck you", I replied. Looking back, maybe I should have.
Dated The Wife for 2 years before we married. She enjoyed sucking cock, but never to completion. Ever. Although we did do 69.
The Wife would fuck exclusively cowgirl, but only at night.. And only with the lights off . And only with the shades drawn. And only with three or four layers of blankets over us. But at least we fucked ...
Never did doggie with The Wife. She claimed it was unnatural for a penis to enter a vagina from that angle. OK, you're the boss....
The Wife and I had sex an average of less than once per week, until we decided to have kids. Then we did it a lot, but only during the right times of the cycle. It was so mechanical and non-fulfilling, I can't tell you. But we did end up reproducing.
When I speak in the past tense of sex with The Wife despite her being my current wife, it's because sex with The Wife is indeed in the past tense. We haven't done it since January '09, and we only did it about 6 times in 2008. Why?
Ahhhhhh....Even though The Wife was always religious, she took a hard right turn after we had kids. Sex became a dirty word. In fact, this is no lie -- she spells it out when she begrudgingly has to reference the topic. S-E-X. She can't even say the word anymore.
Oral S-E-X with The Wife was terminated almost immediately after the kids were born. The Vatican says that S-E-X acts that don't directly lead to conception are immoral. Arrivederci 69.
But at least we still had S-E-X after the kids were born. For a few years, anyhow. Then came "The Change", which meant The Wife could no longer bear children. So ... if you can't conceive anymore, that means ...according to The Wife anyway ... that all S-E-X acts are immoral acts. See previous bullet.
After 14 years of marriage, I decided to have an affair.. Found a woman on Craigslist from out of state, who made monthly 2-day trips to my hometown. I'll call her "Missouri".
Sex with "Missouri" was much better than I was getting at home. Finally, after 50 long years, I got the opportunity to cum in a woman's mouth. And you know what? I liked it!!!! Found it was quite easy to do actually.
Did missionary, cowgirl and doggie (YES!!! - Imagine that!!!! That unnatural angle apparently never bother HER) with Missouri...
The Missouri affair carried on for about a year, but with her being in town only once per month, and some months there were conflicts with my travel or my vacations, you do the math -- we weren't together that often. Perhaps only 6 or 7 times.
Oh yeah -- I enjoyed eating Missouri ...and she enjoyed it as well. But I never did bring her to orgasm that way. It was my first exposure ever to a shaved pussy. I'm not sure I could ever go back.

And then..... And then came Jen .... It took me 50 long years to find her, but the wait was worth every minute....

Our first moments... as I remember them (Jen)

2010-01-09T06:45:00.000-08:00

We take you back in time .. to Sept. 4^th… (told you I was a twilight zone geek)

More than a month after our first email exchange and our first face to face meeting (July 30^th, a story for another time) and many lunch time meetings on a blanket in a nearby park…

The day had arrived when we were finally going to have a chance to be alone and enjoy each other fully, completely.. play out those carnal desires that we had been talking and writing each other about for weeks. All those things we wanted to do to and for each other .. in hopes that the chemistry we felt outside the bedroom would still be there when we finally had the opportunity to carry them out.

We met in a busy parking lot, where I climbed into his car. Why was I so nervous? I have had sex before.. one or two times at least … OK.. I’ve lost track of how many times but, I knew the basics… No need to be so scared.

He leaned over to kiss me as I settled into the passenger seat, I realized that although this was wrong on so many levels, that one kiss reminded me how when I was with him, everything felt so right.

We got to our room… I had candles, so I lit them and then walked to him. Once our lips found each other there wasn’t a bit of apprehension left. Little by little, clothes found the floor. We moved to the bed where my main thought was to get my mouth on that cock of his, taste him.. encourage him… make him feel like no one could ever pleasure him again after I had been there.

He was already hard and the gasp that I heard as my tongue reached his shaft gave me all the encouragement I needed. I started by kissing him through his boxers. I know the warmth of my breath as I kissed it from top to bottom certainly got the reaction I was hoping for.. the moans and words coming from him just made me wetter

I slid those boxers to the floor and admired his manhood for the first time. The anticipation of finally being able to have him to myself forced me to look up at him and smile before I began my “attack”. I love to start at the top, light ‘ barely there’ flicks of my tongue and warm breath circling the head… my fingertips lightly running along the insides of his thighs. My tongue becoming more aggressive as it makes its way down the length of his shaft then back up again… over and over. Still not ready to take him into my mouth. I look up at him as I worship his cock, the agony and ecstasy on his face, the devious grin on mine as enjoy the control I have for the moment.

Slipping under to pay homage to his balls, licking and softly suckling one, then the other. The noises coming from my lover encourage this even more as my fingers close around his wet cock and begin to stroke as I play more with “the boys”.. I am ready… I move up to the top of his cock and with a soft gentle blow to the head I move my lips over him. Taking him into my warm mouth.. moving deeper on him with each thrust of his hips.. taking him all the way to the back of my throat.. causing my gag reflex to kick in.

Ohhhh so wonderful that moan coming from the top of the bed as I hold him there. After minutes of my mouth and tongue driving him crazy.. I hear him beg me to let him fuck me.

Who am I to say no?

So much more to come… (hehe)

The Fantasy Bucket List

2010-01-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

Even before Jen and I first "consummated the relationship" back in September, we worked out our Fantasy Bucket List, a list of things we wanted to accomplish sexually with each other. As we accomplish a goal, we cross it off the list and as we think of a new activity, we add it. So essentially, it evolves over time. These items run the gamut -- many we accomplished in our past, some were low hanging fruit that we knew we could knock off in no time, but the point was these are things we wanted to accomplish together. Seven of them are "days of the week" sex, i.e., sex on Monday, sex on Tuesday, etc. While these seem like no-brainers, it ain't so easy when one of us (that would be ME) is married with young kids still at home. But as you can see, the only day we haven't conquered is Saturday, arguably the toughest day of the affair sex week.

Peruse the list and feel free to provide inputs. I'm sure there are many we haven't thought of -- there's almost nothing we won't try!! Heck, give us something to try and we'll give you a shout-out when we knock it off!

The Fantasy Bucket List

~~Make out on a blanket~~

~~Make love for the first time~~

In the shower

In the hot tub

On a hotel balcony

In front of the fireplace

Watching porn

~~With whipped cream~~

Sit in a nice restaurant and just whisper dirty things to each other.

Road head

~~Wake up together (which leads to wake up sex)~~

~~Have an orgasm standing up (oral)~~

Mile High Club

A Day at The Beach

~~No condoms~~

All day " in bed day"

full body/back massage w oil

~~Missionary~~

~~Cowgirl~~

~~Reverse Cowgirl~~

~~Doggie~~

~~Simultaneous orgasm~~

~~End of the bed sex~~

~~Have an orgasm standing up (fucking)~~

~~Titty fuck~~

~~Hand job orgasm~~

Make our own porn flick

~~Stroke myself to climax in your mouth~~

Use 69 for clean up

~~Snowball~~

~~Toy play... (Jen)~~

~~The Forbidden Pleasure ... Anal play .. (Doggie)~~

~~Anal Play (Cowgirl)~~

~~After Sunset Sex~~

~~Lap sex on the couch~~

~~mouth fuck laying flat~~

~~Blowjob in Jen's office~~

Titty Fuck to orgasm

Blindfold (Mark)

Blindfold (Jen)

~~Orgasm with oil (Mark)~~

~~Monday Sex~~

~~Tuesday Sex~~

~~Wednesday Sex~~

~~Thursday Sex~~

~~Friday Sex~~

Saturday Sex

~~Sunday Sex~~

~~Toy play .. (Mark)~~

~~Middle Of The Night Sex~~

Fuck in Jen's office

Four-on-the-floor

Fully clothed sex (minimum 45 minutes before going naked)

Outdoor sex

Oral sex with wine

Fuck-and-run

HNT.... ok...Let's do this at least once...

2010-01-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

. It's really terrifying throwing a pic up ..
So vulnerable.
HNT... here goes.

Happy New Year? -- I don't THINK so!

2010-01-05T03:34:00.001-08:00

So to continue on my posting from yesterday.. I talked to Jen around 6pm on New Years Eve before I headed down to meet the wife and kids at a neighbor's house for dinner. Like I said, she sounded in good spirits but Jen ALWAYS sounds that way on the phone. I get a better feel for her mood through an IM chat or even a text message than I do in a phone conversation because as always, when we are "connecting" with each other via good, old-fashioned human interface, as Jen likes to say -- "All is right with the world". So before we hung up, she mentioned she would have a glass of wine or two to get her through the night while I'm out "partying" with the family and she spends New Years Eve alone.

So around 8:30pm I send her a quick text -- "Hammered yet? :)". And a good sign -- she responds almost immediately -- "First one went down easy .. the second is going a little slower". OK, she's still with me. Around 9pm I follow up with "Already into my 2nd cup of coffee .. I'm ready for bed!" And again a quick reply -- "I'm headed for there too". Not too verbose, but it's good that she's still communicative. Perhaps this WON'T be so bad. But little did I know that would be the last time we "spoke" until New Years morn.

So now the party moves over to another school family's house and there's a lot of people, most of whom I'm very good friends with. I'm having an OK time, but as ALWAYS is the case since I met my lover, I just can NOT have a good time without her. And it shows. People ask "Are you feeling OK? You look tired". "I'm fine .. Yeah, it's been a long day. I'm too old for this". I mean, how else am I to respond? "I miss my girlfriend terribly!! I'd like nothing more than to be making passionate lover to her, having a simultaneous orgasm as the clock strikes midnight!!" Yeah, that would go over well at school.

So midnight comes and goes and I fall further into a depression. I'm sitting with the kids (I'd tired of the adult talk by this time) and they're watching one of those New Years Eve Dick Clark specials and on comes Colbie Callait singing "Falling for You". This was one of the first songs that Jen and I listened to together after we had realized we were falling in love. Well, I almost lost it at that moment. But I have to continue to play the role of Happy Hubby and Dad, despite the fact that I'm no damn good at all at it. In the meantime I text Jen a "Happy New Year" message around 12:05 and as expected -- no reply. I really didn't expect one, but I figured perhaps she might wake during the night at which time she'd leave me a text to wake up to in the morning. We arrived home around 1:15, and again I texted Jen a "We're home now .. I thought about you so much tonight. Good night, darling. I love you!" and before I went to bed I went searching for the Twilight Zone marathon that Jen mentioned. I just needed to have SOME connection with her before I went to bed, and that was the best I could do. My mind was racing with thoughts of how badly I missed her.

So New Years morning arrives and I'm up at my usual 7:30am on the weekends. I set my status to "Available" on IM, but -- no Jen. And 7:30 turns to 8, which turns to 8:30 which turns to 9am and still -- no Jen. Very unusual. We've been IM'ing since July and Jen never failed to be up at that time on the weekend. In fact, she's typically up around 6am. So now I'm worried, and more than that, I'm missing her desperately. So I text her "Good morning, darling - you avoiding me?". And some time goes by with no response, but after about 20 minutes she sends me an IM "I'm not avoiding you and I'm not giving you the silent treatment as the wife is want to do, but I just need my space today.. I can't cry anymore.."

And I got that giant lump in my throat. So I responded that I'd respect her wish to give her space, leave her alone for awhile, but we still continued to chat for almost an hour. Getting it all out on the table .. her emotions .. my emotions .. our plans for 2010 and beyond ... Many tears were shed during that session on my end. But when we ended the chat, I told her I would continue to give her her space that New Years day, let her recover ..and hopefully pick up the next day.

But as the hours went by, it proved to be the most difficult morning / early afternoon of my life. All this silence only made me imagine a life without her, and frankly I wasn't ready for that. It killed me not to talk with her .. to hear her voice, her laugh, her giggle, her "LOL's" in a text or IM chat. I couldn't believe how much I missed her, and I spent a good portion of the day in tears. Try to explain THAT ONE to the wife and kids... I was a literal mess.

Then it was off to another family party around mid-afternoon, and we stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things. I went in alone, and it gave me the opportunity to fire off a "This is the worst day of my life" text to Jen. I just couldn't hold back any longer. And then I held my breath waiting for a response. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. **VIBRATE***. Yes!!!! Within a minute she replied "I was going to text you as soon as I left the supermarket. I miss you so much!" Coincidentally, Jen was out grocery shopping as well.

So I gave Jen her needed space, but thankfully she only needed it until around 3pm. After that we exchanged texts the rest of the day, had a pleasant IM chat that night, and have basically picked up where we left off -- Hopelessly in Love....

And it wasn't long before Monday came, and we were wrapped in a longing embrace once again. Orgas-O-Meter = Orgas-O-Meter + 1.

Holiday Post-Mortem

2010-01-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

The holidays are over.. thank goodness!!

I’m truly not a Scrooge. I love all the excitement and good feelings that go with the holidays.. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. All filled with plenty of food, family, laughter and celebration. Oh yes, throw in alcohol as well… we do find that a big part of celebrating even though after my token 2 drinks..this party animal is ready for a nap.

So, the holidays began and I had that sense of dread as I imagined Mark enjoying these times without me, and I without him. We are going to break down the holidays from our different perspectives. Of course, things are never as we imagine them to be, so.. my conceptions of his holidays compared to the reality .. well, you will see.

(Jen)Thanksgiving wasn’t so bad, it is only one day and we eat lots of turkey (which makes us very sleepy) and I spent it with my folks and kids. OK.. check that one off.. not so bad.

(Mark) Yes, Thanksgiving went off without a hitch. We had a lot of time together at Jen’s house leading up to the holiday -- which helped of course -- and the day … the weekend … came and went without event. Another thing that helped immensely was I told the family I was working the Friday morning after Thanksgiving .. which I did .. but only for a couple of hours. A detour on the way home found me at Jen’s house once again. This served to breakup the long weekend considerably, and gave us a chance to recap our holiday together. Not to mention the opportunity for some good makeout time. I do want to emphasize that most of our time together is spent out of the bedroom and fully clothed. Many hours are wiled away laying on the couch together chatting, laughing and yes .. making out. While our sex life is well documented, it’s these moments I cherish the most – moments that as we grow old together, we’ll reflect on whimsically.

(Jen)Christmas was a little tougher.. although we had our 2 day rendezvous just prior, all the parties and gatherings that we would be at without each other seemed to be a reminder of what our hearts truly wanted this holiday. I asked him to stop telling me of all his plans with “the Wilsons” or “the Malones” as the ‘friend’ parties were hardest for me to bear. That was a reminder of HIS life for me. I was just his “dirty little secret” that no one knew existed in his world. It’s much different in my world, he’s been to my house, met my kids and some of my friends, been to where I work and met some co-workers. I, am but a figment in his life. But, I still had my 3 kids all together for the first time in a year, and that was very comforting. Christmas done… check.. 2 down, 1 to go.

(Mark) Yes, it’s a little tough walking the tightrope that is my position in this relationship. While my immediate reaction at all times is to keep Jen “in the loop” as to my day-to-day activities, sometimes I need to take a step back and consider her feelings – her reaction – before I send off that text telling her we were invited to dinner at the Wilsons – or whatever. Since we met back in July, we are in almost constant contact – be it email, IM, phone or texting. And it would just feel strange NOT telling her where I was, or worse yet, lying to her about what I’m doing. Heck, I do enough lying to my family and coworkers – it’s hard to keep ‘em all straight all the time – let alone start lying to Jen. So I opt for the truth with her .. and sometimes when I least expect it, the truth hurts. I need to pay more attention to that.

(Jen)Then came New Years. I knew this was going to be tough. Kids all gone. The house was quiet… Mark was “partying” with the wife and kids at another “friends” home. Compound that with a bit of bad news I had gotten earlier in the day and by 7pm I was pouring my first glass of wine.. 7:04 my second… trying to dull the ache of the empty new year. The images don’t stop… Mark laughing and having a good time with the wife and friends. The New Years kiss at the stroke of midnight. The laughter and smiles as they wish each other Happy NEW Year. I tried to get lost in the Twilight Zone marathon (for who doesn’t just love those episodes) but, couldn’t keep the other thoughts from crossing over. After being sad for what felt like an eternity.. I decided to sleep would be the best escape.. so shortly after 8:30 I took my sleep aid. Mark texted me a few times during the night but, instead of making me feel better, they just frustrated me. I finally told him I was off to bed at 9. That was all I remember as I awoke to a New Year and a bunch of texts and missed calls on my cell.

(Mark) Yes, New Years was indeed a miserable time .. for both of us. This was totally unexpected for me, as I was so focused on us getting through Christmas that I didn’t see that Jan 1 brick wall staring us in the face. You see, New Years has never been an eventful holiday for me nor my family, and I just tend to brush it off as just another day. Yes, we do a New Years Eve party with many of the families at my kids school, but it really is focused on the kids. Since my kids are still young, they get a big kick out of staying up late at night together, doing the countdown, and ringing in the New Year. I spend a lot of time looking at my watch, and wishing I was in bed.

But new relationships bring new emotions and little did I realize how big a holiday New Years had been in her past. And I started to become aware of this in the days leading up to Jan 1. It was a slow week at work, so once again we were able to manage plenty of time together early in the week (see Coitus Interruptus), and it was during this time together that I began to realize that Thursday and Friday weren’t going to come and go easily. I really began to worry about Jen and how she was going to handle all this … alone. And as much as I worried about it and as much preparation as we did for it – it turned out much worse than I ever anticipated.

As New Years Eve day wore on, I would check to see if Jen was online on IM .. and nothing. Very unusual. I texted her a couple times in the morning and early afternoon, and she was responsive, but it’s a bit difficult trying to determine someone’s emotional state in a 160 character text message. I then had the opportunity to call her once in the afternoon, and she did sound in good spirits. But as the sun started to set in the early evening, I just got a sense things weren’t right. My family and I were getting ready to head over to a neighbor’s house for dinner around 6pm, but I intentionally procrastinated so they would leave without me, so I could shower and give Jen one last call before I walked over to join them. And again .. the phone call went without incident. We talked, we laughed, wished each other Happy New Year, and I hung up feeling that perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad.

But that couldn't have been further from the truth. And that story is worthy of a standalone post ... Coming soon

Coitus Interruptus

2009-12-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon I stopped at Jen's house for a little couch cuddling. With her kids being home on break from school, we anticipated just a leisurely day of chatting and channel surfing for Cash Cab, with perhaps an opportunity or two to steal a few sloppy, passionate kisses when the kids were out of the room.

Turns out there was PLENTY of makeout time, and we both found ourselves overly aroused, as we always do during our couch sessions. But this time the kisses were sloppier, the hard-on harder, and the pussy wetter then either of us ever remember. Damn ... what a waste not being able to take advantage of all this pent-up lust!

But all of a sudden our luck began to change ... The eldest daughter announced "I'm bored -- I'm going out shopping...", and within minutes the youngest stopped by to declare "Gotta babysit, Mom. See you later!!" Two down, one to go... Some considerable time elapsed, and we resigned ourselves to the fact that the middle child was home for the duration, and that we would have to settle for a no-release encounter. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you - there's no such thing as a wasted hard-on, in my book. And believe me when I tell you that I'm getting it up and keeping it up longer and more often than when I was in my 20's since Jen came along.

But hold on one second -- we start to hear the rattling of car keys in the kitchen - could it be? "Mom, I gotta run out to get my oil changed!" YES!!!!!!! Within minutes, the boy-child is out the door .... and hold on .... do you hear that? Can it be? Yes, I think it is -- SILENCE!!!

So now we start turning up the passion -- we're wildy kissing on the couch, and in no time my hands were on her zipper. I could feel the heat penetrating from between her legs through two layers of clothes, including her jeans, and I just HAD to feel that wetness. Zipper successfully disengaged, I began to finger fuck her but not before I dipped my fingers into her sweet juices and brought them up for us both to taste. Jen and I LOVE kissing each others fingers -- we'll put them in each others mouth and kiss and suck them together -- but add her pussy juices to the mix? Damn .. I'm hard again just writing about it.

After we lick them clean, my fingers dive back under her panties and I finger-fuck her to a bonus orgasm -- an unplanned orgasm we had never expected. I was so thrilled to do this for her, since she's done it for me so many times when her Auntie Flo was in town (Oh yes ... still having "that time of the month" even at age 50+). But Jen may have been sated, but she wasn't done -- she leans over and whispers into my ear "let's go to my room"... And believe me when I tell you, I would have outran Usain Bolt to that bedroom at that point.

No time for total nakedness, as we had no idea when any of the kids would return. So off comes my pants .. my boxers, while Jen madly rips off those jeans. Both of us still have our tops on, but who gives a rats ass? My cock needed that pussy and it needed it NOW!!! "You gonna ride me?" I ask, even though I knew the reply would be "I'd love to baby .. you know that's my favorite". And before you can say FUCK, Jen mounts up and we're fucking like primates ... "Listen to that, baby .. Hear that?" as those wonderfully delicious squishy sounds seem louder than ever as her cunt engulfs and releases my engorged manhood. We start fucking harder .. thrusting faster .. and I'm feeling my load starting to make its way from the nether regions of my balls .. hoping, wanting, to be released it into that hot, sticky pussy when all of a sudden......

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We hear the unwelcome slam of a car door -- Jen lifts the shade to peak out the window ... And sure enough, much to our chagrin, not to mention my blue balls -- the shopper-child is home ....

FUCK!!!!!! So close, but yet so far ..

Not always a bed of Roses....

2009-12-30T02:54:00.000-08:00

It’s wonderful being in love.. and even more so when that person loves you back. Duh. No brainer right? But, in this world of “sunshine and lollipops” is the reality of.. what if those 2 people aren’t married to .. each other? (Gasp !)

In that case, love is still an amazing thing but, comes with some hard truths. This time of year is especially difficult. Holidays/family time are all very incompatible with the mistress/affair genre. Mark and I are finding that out as we try to survive this first time experiencing it.. I know we aren’t the only ones suffering through this… but, it sure is the loneliest feeling I have ever had.

The difference for me (us) I suppose is… I am single now, my kids are older (21 and up) and I am free to have a normal, loving relationship. Mark on the other hand, is still married, has younger kids (15 and under) and certainly not capable of sharing the holidays with me. SO the words “normal, loving relationship” are just fantasy when you fall in love with a married man.

Soon I face my toughest of challenges… New Years Eve. On that morning, my oldest child will be flying off back to her normal life on the west coast.. my other children will be spending the night celebrating with their special ‘someones’.. Mark will be with his family and friends, ringing in the New Year.. and I.. will probably be sitting at home in front of a fire with a drink, a book and that empty feeling this kind of choice brings at times. My friends will assume I am with spending the evening with Mark because of course, none of them know that he has a wife already.. nor would I admit to them I will be alone. So… this my dear friends and readers… is the not so bright side of being in love.

Why do this to yourself? Good question, so glad you asked. Honestly, sometimes I am not sure I am doing the right thing, for many reasons which we can’t discuss here now. But, I can tell you this, the moment I see him walking towards me…………..

All is right with the world.

Happy New Year to you all… May 2010 bring you good health, happiness and the realization of every dream … Jen

“There may be a few unknowns here, but one thing I DO know - I could do without many things in life with no hardship-- you are not one of them.” ~Mark