Friday, October 29, 2010

Some of the best laid plans....

So as promised, I'll continue to dribble out details of our "understanding" as I get the energy and enthusiasm up to post. But as you might recall from my Life is what Happens When You're Making Plans post, on that day back in January of this year we came to the agreement that never would we spend another miserable holiday season like we endured in 2009. And to quote "The Plan" from that post, that meant I would have to "resolve my current situation by then and leave Jen no doubt in her mind whatsoever that our lives together will soon begin, if not having done so already. And along the way -- between now and the end of 2010 - I have to give Jen hard evidence that the wheels are indeed in motion".

Now looking back, this was quite a heady plan to make after having known each other for less than 6 months. But we knew then -- as we do now -- that we had both found that special someone we wanted to spend the rest of our days with ... and The Plan seemed realistic.

So we forged on .....

But then June came, and that fateful Father's Day weekend, and The Plan was in jeopardy. Jen's confidence was severely shaken and for a brief period at the end of that month we broke up. And things kind of changed after that. Jen lost all confidence that I would ever leave, and the stresses of a relationship such as ours was starting to take it's toll on me. To complicate things, June and July were the last month's of life for my Mom, and I was dealing with that almost non-stop as well. Summer 2010 will go down as the most stressful period of my 51 young years, not only because of our breakup and my Mom's passing, but also because of the standard stuff an over-involved Dad commits to during the summer for his three kids aged 11, 12 and 15.

But we survived. Well, sort of. Talk of The Plan dwindled significantly -- to the point where it was almost never mentioned. And my excuse was -- and yes, I'll call it an "excuse" -- is that my time with Jen was my oasis from reality. You see, those couple of hours I would spend with her every day, or that extra daily time I would spend on the phone with her or Instant Messaging -- that was my escape from the daily grind that had become my life. If we wrote it once on this blog, we wrote it a million times -- during those moments, all was right with our world. And from my perspective, why complicate it all with talk about forever when I was craving a respite from the here and now?

Like I said -- an excuse for not dealing with reality.

But then heat of the summer faded into autumn. Which brought us to the here and now I was avoiding.....

More on that in the next post......

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Time takes you by the hand directs you where to go..

Thanks to Beryl for playing along and picking up the next line in that Green Day song.

Anyhow, I just want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and comments to yesterdays post. Apparently the readers are still there, as to date we've had 9 comments and 100+ visitors since I posted. You've all inspired me to continue posting to this blog, but gee -- if there's no "Mark & Jen" -- then what pray-tell am I to blog about? My opinion on whom my favorite winless NFL team should select in the 2011 Draft? My thoughts on Joe Girardi's managing of his pitching rotation in that fatal series vs. Texas? Or better yet, how much I despise the growing amount of time I spend at the Can and Bottle Return center of my local supermarkets?

While those are all very important and critical topics in my mundane life, I'll start with this. Today is now exactly one week since Jen and I decided to take a little break. So obviously I'm feeling somewhat verklempt and choked with emotion. And as the days wear on, I'll continue to let details emerge of what happened, but if you're looking for "my side of the story" or a War of the Roses breakup script, I must tell you -- there's no there "there". We came to this -- I'll call it an "understanding" -- yes, with plenty of tears and heartache, but no harsh words. Not a single word was uttered in anger because frankly, we have such an integral understanding and compassion for each others situation and circumstances that simply put, has inspired no rage nor resentment on either of our parts.

So since that day one week ago, Jen and I have had daily contact. Mostly via Instant Messaging, but there were a couple of phone calls when some health issues of hers flared up. But its nowhere near what we did when we were together, seeing each other a couple hours every day 4 to 6 days a week supplemented by three or four extended daily phone conversations, not to mention the sporadic texts and IM conversations. And I'll admit -- I miss those "connections" as much as I miss her touch, her kisses, her hugs.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little empty these days....

Monday, October 25, 2010

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road...

I'm sure you've all noticed we haven't been posting much as of late, and you're probably suspecting something is amiss in Mark and Jen's world.

Well, this time you're right.

Jen and I have taken a break here ... I hate to call it a breakup, but she started a journal entitled "Diary of A Breakup", so if it quacks like a breakup .... it's probably a breakup.

I won't get into the gory details or the reasons why because I know when it comes to these kind of affairs, its ALWAYS the married guy that comes off as the bad guy. So go ahead -- have at me. I know I'll hear the inevitable "man up" remarks -- it comes with the territory. As time passes, I'll probably come clean with more details, but for now I've kind of been in shutdown mode. It's taken me almost a week now just to author this post since I only thought it fair that people should know what's become of us.

So bottom line, we short-circuited the one year "Plan" at the nine month mark, just as it had been short-circuited at the 6 month mark. Somehow we survived that one -- will we survive this? Only time will tell.

Hard to say if this blog maintains it's interest to any of you anymore, but if I sense there's still visitors and commenters, I'll be more than happy to continue writing. Like Jen, penning my thoughts is somewhat therapeutic for me, and perhaps it'll help me make sense of it all.

And perhaps at some point in the not so very distant future, we'll both be in this together again....

Thursday, October 7, 2010

HNT.... another view

Last week I let Mark pick his favorite shot of the few I took... this week,  I am posting mine.

Not much different, but... here goes. 

                                 ...........HAPPY  H N T ....................

  Stop by Osbasso's place to see who else is playing today.