All that you need is right here in your hands.
From Sheryl Crow's "Diamond Road".
So yes... we had "The Talk". And as Jen has shared her reflections on it, I'd like to do the same myself.
Believe it or not, I never wanted to avoid the subject of "Where do we go from here and what's the plan for it?" It's just that until recently, there was no reason to do that. As we've said on numerous occasions, this relationship began as a quest for sex - never once did the possibility ever enter my mind that I was going to leave my family to begin a new life with whomever filled that need. So no seed was in place from the start, i.e. no plan. Now admittedly we both fell hard for each other real fast. But still -- it's only been a month, right? Which became, "well it's only been two months, right?" Which became three, etc. But no one could ever blame me for not having a plan in place after only a couple of months, right? Of course not -- everyone knows the excitement and the freshness of a new relationship, especially when there's wild animal sex going on, often clouds the big picture.
But our well-documented miserable holiday season came and went, and now tomorrow dawns our 6-month anniversary. Yes, 6 months since Jen's reply to my first Ashley Madison message, when she essentially gave the green light to pursue things further. And for some reason, I consider this a big milestone. Half a year. And the excitement and the freshness hasn't worn off. Not even close. We see each other now more than ever (5 out of 7 days last week, with 3 separate opportunities for sex and 12 orgasms between us to add to the Orgas-O-Meter). And we look forward to our time together now more than ever, even if there isn't a chance for sex. Plain and simple we have a Perfect chemistry, a Perfect love -- we make the Perfect couple. PERFECT .. we seem to use that word a lot with each other.
So last week I paid a lunchtime visit to Jen at her office. While I didn't intend to bring up "The Plan" that day, we found a little quiet time to be alone and instead of launching into our usual makeout session, I decided it was time to have some much-needed discussion. And we both laid our hearts out on the table .. Talked about our joys, our love for each other, our fears and where we go from here in OUR relationship. And frankly, it was quite easy to put boundaries on it. Based on our brutal holiday experience, those intense feelings of loneliness on both our parts, we agreed that never again do we want to spend another Christmas holiday season in that state. And that means I have to resolve my current situation by then and leave Jen no doubt in her mind whatsoever that our lives together will soon begin, if not having done so already. And along the way -- between now and the end of 2010 - I have to give Jen hard evidence that the wheels are indeed in motion.
So now my astute readers, you might be saying to yourself "Gee Mark, you're giving up a lot there .. I thought relationships were all about give-and-take. I see you giving a lot, but where's the take?" And of course I considered that as well. You see during our discussion, I told Jen my greatest fear was starting to put the plan in place -- essentially breaking up the family -- and then having her say to me midstream "Mark, I love you but I can't take another weekend alone" and have her find someone to keep her company on those lonely weekends. So in exchange for "The Plan", I just asked for a firm commitment from Jen .. That not only will she be there for me in the end, but each and every step of the way. You see I've had two relationships in the past, my first marriage and the fiance-that-never was, that ended in infidelity on their part. And despite some 20+ removed from those heart-wrenching events, I still will never forget that pain.
So that essentially became the plan - together forever by the New Year. Which of course puts boundaries on this Blog. If the plan doesn't come to fruition, Mark & Jen are no more. Yet if the plan plays out -- together forever -- we're just another old couple posting shrimp scampi recipes. But still incrementing that Orgas-O-Meter, albeit at a three sigma pace!
3 weeks ago