Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Our New Year Celebration - Riding the Storm Out

Jan 5, 2010

We had a rough New Years, no doubt. But.. we got through and looked forward to our first chance at being alone after the long hiatus since Christmas Eve day. Here's a little recap, with Mark's thoughts interspersed in italics.

I usually work late on Tuesday nights but it's the only night we know my house will be empty as both my kids have commitments that night. So, Mark thought he could swing "a meeting" story that Tuesday night.

Yes .. the phantom "Football Board Meeting".... I had to drive my son home from school that night, and there was quite a snowstorm going on. If I drive him all the way home, I risk being late for our rendezvous. So I call The Wife -- "Can you meet me halfway and pick up Alex so I can get to my Board Meeting on time?" "Why of course" she replies, not realizing she probably just earned her errant husband some more time to score an extra orgasm. Not to mention Jen!

Mark was on a mission this particular eve.. he was focused on one goal and that was seeing me squirm and making sure the first explosion that eve was mine. After some very sensual passionate kissing at the door we made our way to the bedroom. Shoes off.. Mark presses me back on the bed and sets about the task at hand. He slides my shirt and bra up.. not wasting time to remove them and heads straight to my ooooh so sensitive nipples. How 'the girls' love the attention and I can feel the wet spot forming on my panties with each tug of my hard nipple with his mouth and teeth.

Jen has opened my eyes to my long-dormant sexuality. While I used to be more on the passive side, she has brought out the aggressiveness in me. After one of our first encounters, she told me she enjoys the rough sucking and playful biting of her nipples. I've been more than happy every since to oblige.

Mark quickly sheds most of his clothes except for his boxers and slides back up to kiss me and do one of the most sexually erotic things I have ever experienced... he grinds that hard cock against my fully clothed, ever sensitive clit. After the work-up on my tits, this just sends me to places my body can't comprehend and all I can think about is how bad I want to cum. I don't remember but I am sure I vocalized that.. and Mark kindly obliged by removing my pants and undies and sending me into full freedom with his fingers and mouth. Heart pounding, body draining ecstasy at that moment.

Affirmative, my love -- you vocalized that in no uncertain terms!! With nearly two weeks elapsed since our last encounter, I had an incredibly intense, burning desire to taste Jen's pussy. Her juices were flowing like never before. I love inserting my middle finger inside her, giving the "come hither" motion, and all the while alternating between playful flicks and hard sucking of her clit with my tongue and mouth. It wasn't long before she was writhing in orgasmic ecstasy. There's nothing that sates me more than bringing her to climax that way.

He's clearly not done with me.. he truly is on a mission tonight. Back up he slides as he rests that boxer covered hardon against my now so sensitive clit.. and grinds against me. My wetness soaking his boxers, his cock finds that lovely little slit and sneaks out now skin against skin as we lock eyes and he continues his assault. I push off his boxers and his cock finds it entry into my warm, wet opening. As always, that moment when he first presses into me, as my pussy clenches tight around him .. makes me moan. He lifts my leg onto his shoulder and with a finger touches my hardened clit while he fucks me... that does it to me everytime.. I cum all over his cock as he holds it deep inside me.

One of our favorite positions is missionary with her leg raised up and over my shoulder. It just seems like I can penetrate her so deeply ... balls slapping wildly against her ass... This is the way I entered Jen the very first time we fucked -- we haven't looked back since.

Clearly it's my turn to take some control and take care of him.. as I lay him on his back and climb over him.. I love the tease of pressing his hard cock against his stomach as I slide my wetness over him.. and just move up and down covering him with my juices.. then teasing my clit with the head as I flick him back and forth against it... certainly does things for me and Mark never complains.. but then all I wanted was to hear him say.. "I'm cumming baby" so I slipped him in and rode him until those words were rising between the moans. I love the feeling as he begins to pulse and I feel him emptying into me. Between that and the sounds of our bodies and our voices.. I am so turned on I can't help but join him as we finish almost together.

I shoot my load hard and deep into her fiery cunt. Her pussy cum already smothering my cock, my cum now mixes in ... I continue to thrust, pumping in and out and making that squishy sound we so enjoy. And our satisfaction is never complete until both our juices come gushing out of her, dribbling down my cock and ultimately making its way between my thighs, soaking the comforter.

We rest for awhile as we laugh and chat and relax tangled up together. This, dear reader, is almost as fulfilling as the previous sexual encounter.. because the comfortable togetherness fills those empty spaces in my heart. But.. I haven't been sated, I need to feel that cock between my lips and before you know it.. I am there, bringing him back to life, tasting our juices all over as I work my tongue and lips from top to bottom. Moving below under his balls, then sucking his balls as I stroke... watching him harden and taking the opportunity to slide him between my tits for a brief time as I love to watch that dick sliding between them. My thoughts though, are on having a bit of assplay as he strokes. I think it is as sexy as hell watching a man stroke his cock .. and as I wet my finger and slide it into that nub .. my tongue finds his rock hard balls and his hand is running up and down the length of his shaft.. as I hear my favorite words.. I rise up to cover him with my mouth and take in every drop.

Our "down" time is indeed our most precious of moments. But there is no rest for the wicked. Jen sucks my cock squeaky clean, bringing me back to an erection that matches our first round. She then rubs oil on my cock, and then inserts her finger in my ass, that by now is begging for her touch. I grab my cock and stroke it vigorously knowing that when I give the signal -- "I'm going to explode again, baby" -- her mouth will be there to take in every delicious drop of my seed.

Happy New Year Baby...

I love you baby. I could never love you enough to satisfy me.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

HNT - All that glitters...

We've all heard of that "shiny drop of precum", right? Well THIS takes that to a new level! Jen was in a picture taking mood the other day during one of our intense lunchtime makeout sessions, and snapped this "special effect". And as luck would have it, she just couldn't keep from helping herself to a little taste, turning that single drop into a full-fledged gusher in record time!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Life is what happens while you're making plans

All that you need is right here in your hands.

From Sheryl Crow's "Diamond Road".

So yes... we had "The Talk". And as Jen has shared her reflections on it, I'd like to do the same myself.

Believe it or not, I never wanted to avoid the subject of "Where do we go from here and what's the plan for it?" It's just that until recently, there was no reason to do that. As we've said on numerous occasions, this relationship began as a quest for sex - never once did the possibility ever enter my mind that I was going to leave my family to begin a new life with whomever filled that need. So no seed was in place from the start, i.e. no plan. Now admittedly we both fell hard for each other real fast. But still -- it's only been a month, right? Which became, "well it's only been two months, right?" Which became three, etc. But no one could ever blame me for not having a plan in place after only a couple of months, right? Of course not -- everyone knows the excitement and the freshness of a new relationship, especially when there's wild animal sex going on, often clouds the big picture.

But our well-documented miserable holiday season came and went, and now tomorrow dawns our 6-month anniversary. Yes, 6 months since Jen's reply to my first Ashley Madison message, when she essentially gave the green light to pursue things further. And for some reason, I consider this a big milestone. Half a year. And the excitement and the freshness hasn't worn off. Not even close. We see each other now more than ever (5 out of 7 days last week, with 3 separate opportunities for sex and 12 orgasms between us to add to the Orgas-O-Meter). And we look forward to our time together now more than ever, even if there isn't a chance for sex. Plain and simple we have a Perfect chemistry, a Perfect love -- we make the Perfect couple. PERFECT .. we seem to use that word a lot with each other.

So last week I paid a lunchtime visit to Jen at her office. While I didn't intend to bring up "The Plan" that day, we found a little quiet time to be alone and instead of launching into our usual makeout session, I decided it was time to have some much-needed discussion. And we both laid our hearts out on the table .. Talked about our joys, our love for each other, our fears and where we go from here in OUR relationship. And frankly, it was quite easy to put boundaries on it. Based on our brutal holiday experience, those intense feelings of loneliness on both our parts, we agreed that never again do we want to spend another Christmas holiday season in that state. And that means I have to resolve my current situation by then and leave Jen no doubt in her mind whatsoever that our lives together will soon begin, if not having done so already. And along the way -- between now and the end of 2010 - I have to give Jen hard evidence that the wheels are indeed in motion.

So now my astute readers, you might be saying to yourself "Gee Mark, you're giving up a lot there .. I thought relationships were all about give-and-take. I see you giving a lot, but where's the take?" And of course I considered that as well. You see during our discussion, I told Jen my greatest fear was starting to put the plan in place -- essentially breaking up the family -- and then having her say to me midstream "Mark, I love you but I can't take another weekend alone" and have her find someone to keep her company on those lonely weekends. So in exchange for "The Plan", I just asked for a firm commitment from Jen .. That not only will she be there for me in the end, but each and every step of the way. You see I've had two relationships in the past, my first marriage and the fiance-that-never was, that ended in infidelity on their part. And despite some 20+ removed from those heart-wrenching events, I still will never forget that pain.

So that essentially became the plan - together forever by the New Year. Which of course puts boundaries on this Blog. If the plan doesn't come to fruition, Mark & Jen are no more. Yet if the plan plays out -- together forever -- we're just another old couple posting shrimp scampi recipes. But still incrementing that Orgas-O-Meter, albeit at a three sigma pace!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Sit down son, we have to talk

So.. the New Year has begun.. and Mark and I finally had “the talk”.
noooo...Not the "let me tell you about the facts of life" talk ..… the “what’s the plan” talk.

When we met, neither of us were worried about a plan or a future. We just wanted to find someone we could have crazy, wild, uninhibited sex with. My guy and I were on some kind of hiatus apparently, and Marks wife took the hard religious stand of.. “if we aren’t trying to procreate, sex is immoral” (see Marks post below) . Barren.. both of us. Horny.. yep, both of us. Frustrated?.. oh yea. Ashley Madison… yea, that was us too. But, you know all of that if you read the previous posts.

Here we are 6 months later.. suddenly in love with each other. Having that wild, uninhibited sex every chance we get. Hanging out as much as possible even if just for lunch or a couple hours after work. Still having that incomplete feeling without each other. We call them “hole in our heart” days… when you just ache to be with your love. He was everything I could have hoped for, and more.
Realizing, this isn’t just the blush of a new romance, but truly, LOVE.. in the simplest and purest form.

What happens next? Here's the sticky part.

Mark has told me more times than I can count that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We both are awed by this connection we have found at the age 50. And being 50... we both know that rest of our lives could be only a few years to 20 or 30 more.But, it's hard to talk about a future when I know people will be hurt, especially kids. So, most of the time we just don't talk about it.. we allude to it.

This isn’t an actual conversation we’ve had.. but you get the gist of how they go from my imaginary convo.

(curtain open,, enter SL)

Him: I love you so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Me: I know babe .. I feel that way too. Hmmmm, but… you still have a wife and kids

Him: Oh yea, that’s a problem right?

Me: Yea, sorta. Too many people in this relationship.

Him: We need a plan.

Me: We do need a plan. (silence)
Sooo.. how about them Yankees?

Him: Great season.

The end (bows, exit stage right)

Avoidance.. we were good at it. But the holidays made everything more important. I couldn’t bear to go through another set of those.

Thus… “the talk” of “a plan”

Thursday, January 14, 2010


Just love my "fuck me" shoes.....................

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Right here, right now, there is no other place I want to be

As Jen weaves her tale of our first intimate time together, I think it's important for me to describe my sexual past (if you want to call it that), as it helps a great deal in understanding how I arrived at where I am today. And while I'm trying to strike a balance in my postings between the bawdy sex tales and the intense love and passion we have for each other (although in a perfect world, the two would go hand-in-hand. And guess what? Jen and I HAVE formed this perfect world!!). But I do understand dear readers that the sex is what brings you here ... Let's not kid ourselves!

So anyhow, I'm just going to ramble a little here, giving you nuggets of my sexual history as they pop into my head. And one note to my dear Jen -- in no way should you consider this a challenge to document your past and put it out there for public consumption.That's NOT what's prompting me to do this .. I am driven solely by the fact that I enjoy doing this, and it's a somewhat comical reflection on my 30 year sexual history, or lack thereof. (I didn't start until I was 20 years of age).
  • I never had a date through high school.
  • I first had sex at a Texas Massage Parlor in 1980, at age 20. For $20 she sucked my cock, and then rode me cowgirl. I still remember her name -- an Asian girl, named Kimmy. As she bounced up and down she asked me if I came yet. I'm thinking to myself "Huh? What the fuck is she talking about?".. And I don't think I ever did.. Don't recall -- if I did it certainly wasn't very memorable.
  • Since I was a lad, I was obsessed with eating pussy. Even though I never got the chance until .. Kimmy!!! First thing I did was dive into that hairy twat. Didn't give a rats ass if she was a two-bit whore or how many cocks had been there before.
  • I married the first girl I ever dated. I was 26 at the time. She was .... how do I put this nicely? She was a fat chick. I had very low self-esteem and thought she was the only woman I'd ever be able to get.
  • When I dated the first wife, she liked to suck cock a lot. But I never finished. Ever. I remember after a surprise party she threw for my college graduation, she tried to get me to cum in her mouth. It seemed like she was down there for days, but I couldn't do it. I remember she cried after that.
  • We dated for 4 years and were divorced after 1. Never did anything but missionary, except she got drunk one night and wanted me to do her doggy. Little did I know it would be some 25 years before I would do doggy again.
  • Never did 69 with Wife #1.
  • I never had more than one orgasm in a single day with Wife #1. We probably averaged about once per week.
  • I ate the first wife's pussy, albeit infrequently. It tasted and smelled real bad.
  • We divorced after 1 year when she started screwing around on me with some guy from the steel plant.
  • I started dating after the divorce, but nothing juicy to report.. What a waste -- this should have been my prime season!
  • I started dating my future ex-fiance Christine within a year after the divorce. She enjoyed sex, and reluctantly sucked my cock. But not to completion. Ever. She would go down on me, but told me it "didn't do anything" for her. That didn't keep me from eating her pussy though. Much better tasting than Wife #1. And she enjoyed it, but never had an orgasm from it.
  • Christine would do me exclusively cowgirl. Any attempt at missionary was quickly rebuffed. She told me it "didn't do anything" for her.
  • Never did 69 with Christine.
  • Never did doggie with Christine.
  • Christine and I always had simultaneous orgasms, but the most we ever did it in a single day was twice. And that was with many hours between sessions.
  • The marriage never came off, as Christine started fucking Richard about a month before the wedding.
  • I started dating Sharon, my future Wife #2 (and still is to this day, in fact) about a month after the breakup with Christine. Sharon will heretofore be referred to as "The Wife".
  • On the eve of my doomed Wedding Day to the future ex-fiance, Christine broke up with Richard. Informed me we still had the Honeymoon Suite reserved at the local Marriot and wondered if I'd like to join her. "Fuck you", I replied. Looking back, maybe I should have.
  • Dated The Wife for 2 years before we married. She enjoyed sucking cock, but never to completion. Ever. Although we did do 69.
  • The Wife would fuck exclusively cowgirl, but only at night.. And only with the lights off . And only with the shades drawn. And only with three or four layers of blankets over us. But at least we fucked ...
  • Never did doggie with The Wife. She claimed it was unnatural for a penis to enter a vagina from that angle. OK, you're the boss....
  • The Wife and I had sex an average of less than once per week, until we decided to have kids. Then we did it a lot, but only during the right times of the cycle. It was so mechanical and non-fulfilling, I can't tell you. But we did end up reproducing.
  • When I speak in the past tense of sex with The Wife despite her being my current wife, it's because sex with The Wife is indeed in the past tense. We haven't done it since January '09, and we only did it about 6 times in 2008. Why?
  • Ahhhhhh....Even though The Wife was always religious, she took a hard right turn after we had kids. Sex became a dirty word. In fact, this is no lie -- she spells it out when she begrudgingly has to reference the topic. S-E-X. She can't even say the word anymore.
  • Oral S-E-X with The Wife was terminated almost immediately after the kids were born. The Vatican says that S-E-X acts that don't directly lead to conception are immoral. Arrivederci 69.
  • But at least we still had S-E-X after the kids were born. For a few years, anyhow. Then came "The Change", which meant The Wife could no longer bear children. So ... if you can't conceive anymore, that means ...according to The Wife anyway ... that all S-E-X acts are immoral acts. See previous bullet.
  • After 14 years of marriage, I decided to have an affair.. Found a woman on Craigslist from out of state, who made monthly 2-day trips to my hometown. I'll call her "Missouri".
  • Sex with "Missouri" was much better than I was getting at home. Finally, after 50 long years, I got the opportunity to cum in a woman's mouth. And you know what? I liked it!!!! Found it was quite easy to do actually.
  • Did missionary, cowgirl and doggie (YES!!! - Imagine that!!!! That unnatural angle apparently never bother HER) with Missouri...
  • The Missouri affair carried on for about a year, but with her being in town only once per month, and some months there were conflicts with my travel or my vacations, you do the math -- we weren't together that often. Perhaps only 6 or 7 times.
  • Oh yeah -- I enjoyed eating Missouri ...and she enjoyed it as well. But I never did bring her to orgasm that way. It was my first exposure ever to a shaved pussy. I'm not sure I could ever go back.
And then..... And then came Jen .... It took me 50 long years to find her, but the wait was worth every minute....

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Our first moments... as I remember them (Jen)

We take you back in time .. to Sept. 4th… (told you I was a twilight zone geek)

More than a month after our first email exchange and our first face to face meeting (July 30th, a story for another time) and many lunch time meetings on a blanket in a nearby park…

The day had arrived when we were finally going to have a chance to be alone and enjoy each other fully, completely.. play out those carnal desires that we had been talking and writing each other about for weeks. All those things we wanted to do to and for each other .. in hopes that the chemistry we felt outside the bedroom would still be there when we finally had the opportunity to carry them out.

We met in a busy parking lot, where I climbed into his car. Why was I so nervous? I have had sex before.. one or two times at least … OK.. I’ve lost track of how many times but, I knew the basics… No need to be so scared.

He leaned over to kiss me as I settled into the passenger seat, I realized that although this was wrong on so many levels, that one kiss reminded me how when I was with him, everything felt so right.

We got to our room… I had candles, so I lit them and then walked to him. Once our lips found each other there wasn’t a bit of apprehension left. Little by little, clothes found the floor. We moved to the bed where my main thought was to get my mouth on that cock of his, taste him.. encourage him… make him feel like no one could ever pleasure him again after I had been there.

He was already hard and the gasp that I heard as my tongue reached his shaft gave me all the encouragement I needed. I started by kissing him through his boxers. I know the warmth of my breath as I kissed it from top to bottom certainly got the reaction I was hoping for.. the moans and words coming from him just made me wetter


I slid those boxers to the floor and admired his manhood for the first time. The anticipation of finally being able to have him to myself forced me to look up at him and smile before I began my “attack”. I love to start at the top, light ‘ barely there’ flicks of my tongue and warm breath circling the head… my fingertips lightly running along the insides of his thighs. My tongue becoming more aggressive as it makes its way down the length of his shaft then back up again… over and over. Still not ready to take him into my mouth. I look up at him as I worship his cock, the agony and ecstasy on his face, the devious grin on mine as enjoy the control I have for the moment.

Slipping under to pay homage to his balls, licking and softly suckling one, then the other. The noises coming from my lover encourage this even more as my fingers close around his wet cock and begin to stroke as I play more with “the boys”.. I am ready… I move up to the top of his cock and with a soft gentle blow to the head I move my lips over him. Taking him into my warm mouth.. moving deeper on him with each thrust of his hips.. taking him all the way to the back of my throat.. causing my gag reflex to kick in.

Ohhhh so wonderful that moan coming from the top of the bed as I hold him there. After minutes of my mouth and tongue driving him crazy.. I hear him beg me to let him fuck me.

Who am I to say no?

So much more to come… (hehe)

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Fantasy Bucket List

Even before Jen and I first "consummated the relationship" back in September, we worked out our Fantasy Bucket List, a list of things we wanted to accomplish sexually with each other. As we accomplish a goal, we cross it off the list and as we think of a new activity, we add it. So essentially, it evolves over time. These items run the gamut -- many we accomplished in our past, some were low hanging fruit that we knew we could knock off in no time, but the point was these are things we wanted to accomplish together. Seven of them are "days of the week" sex, i.e., sex on Monday, sex on Tuesday, etc. While these seem like no-brainers, it ain't so easy when one of us (that would be ME) is married with young kids still at home. But as you can see, the only day we haven't conquered is Saturday, arguably the toughest day of the affair sex week.

Peruse the list and feel free to provide inputs. I'm sure there are many we haven't thought of -- there's almost nothing we won't try!! Heck, give us something to try and we'll give you a shout-out when we knock it off!

The Fantasy Bucket List

  1. Make out on a blanket

  2. Make love for the first time

  3. In the shower

  4. In the hot tub

  5. On a hotel balcony

  6. In front of the fireplace

  7. Watching porn

  8. With whipped cream

  9. Sit in a nice restaurant and just whisper dirty things to each other.

  10. Road head

  11. Wake up together (which leads to wake up sex)

  12. Have an orgasm standing up (oral)

  13. 69

  14. Mile High Club

  15. A Day at The Beach

  16. No condoms

  17. All day " in bed day"

  18. full body/back massage w oil

  19. Missionary

  20. Cowgirl

  21. Reverse Cowgirl

  22. Doggie

  23. Simultaneous orgasm

  24. End of the bed sex

  25. Have an orgasm standing up (fucking)

  26. Titty fuck

  27. Hand job orgasm

  28. Make our own porn flick

  29. Stroke myself to climax in your mouth

  30. Use 69 for clean up

  31. Snowball

  32. Toy play... (Jen)

  33. The Forbidden Pleasure ... Anal play .. (Doggie)

  34. Anal Play (Cowgirl)

  35. After Sunset Sex

  36. Lap sex on the couch

  37. mouth fuck laying flat

  38. Blowjob in Jen's office

  39. Titty Fuck to orgasm

  40. Blindfold (Mark)

  41. Blindfold (Jen)

  42. Orgasm with oil (Mark)

  43. Monday Sex

  44. Tuesday Sex

  45. Wednesday Sex

  46. Thursday Sex

  47. Friday Sex

  48. Saturday Sex

  49. Sunday Sex

  50. Toy play .. (Mark)

  51. Middle Of The Night Sex

  52. Fuck in Jen's office

  53. Four-on-the-floor

  54. Fully clothed sex (minimum 45 minutes before going naked)

  55. Outdoor sex

  56. Oral sex with wine

  57. Fuck-and-run

Thursday, January 7, 2010

HNT.... ok...Let's do this at least once...

. It's really terrifying throwing a pic up ..
So vulnerable.
HNT... here goes.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happy New Year? -- I don't THINK so!

So to continue on my posting from yesterday.. I talked to Jen around 6pm on New Years Eve before I headed down to meet the wife and kids at a neighbor's house for dinner. Like I said, she sounded in good spirits but Jen ALWAYS sounds that way on the phone. I get a better feel for her mood through an IM chat or even a text message than I do in a phone conversation because as always, when we are "connecting" with each other via good, old-fashioned human interface, as Jen likes to say -- "All is right with the world". So before we hung up, she mentioned she would have a glass of wine or two to get her through the night while I'm out "partying" with the family and she spends New Years Eve alone.

So around 8:30pm I send her a quick text -- "Hammered yet? :)". And a good sign -- she responds almost immediately -- "First one went down easy .. the second is going a little slower". OK, she's still with me. Around 9pm I follow up with "Already into my 2nd cup of coffee .. I'm ready for bed!" And again a quick reply -- "I'm headed for there too". Not too verbose, but it's good that she's still communicative. Perhaps this WON'T be so bad. But little did I know that would be the last time we "spoke" until New Years morn.

So now the party moves over to another school family's house and there's a lot of people, most of whom I'm very good friends with. I'm having an OK time, but as ALWAYS is the case since I met my lover, I just can NOT have a good time without her. And it shows. People ask "Are you feeling OK? You look tired". "I'm fine .. Yeah, it's been a long day. I'm too old for this". I mean, how else am I to respond? "I miss my girlfriend terribly!! I'd like nothing more than to be making passionate lover to her, having a simultaneous orgasm as the clock strikes midnight!!" Yeah, that would go over well at school.

So midnight comes and goes and I fall further into a depression. I'm sitting with the kids (I'd tired of the adult talk by this time) and they're watching one of those New Years Eve Dick Clark specials and on comes Colbie Callait singing "Falling for You". This was one of the first songs that Jen and I listened to together after we had realized we were falling in love. Well, I almost lost it at that moment. But I have to continue to play the role of Happy Hubby and Dad, despite the fact that I'm no damn good at all at it. In the meantime I text Jen a "Happy New Year" message around 12:05 and as expected -- no reply. I really didn't expect one, but I figured perhaps she might wake during the night at which time she'd leave me a text to wake up to in the morning. We arrived home around 1:15, and again I texted Jen a "We're home now .. I thought about you so much tonight. Good night, darling. I love you!" and before I went to bed I went searching for the Twilight Zone marathon that Jen mentioned. I just needed to have SOME connection with her before I went to bed, and that was the best I could do. My mind was racing with thoughts of how badly I missed her.

So New Years morning arrives and I'm up at my usual 7:30am on the weekends. I set my status to "Available" on IM, but -- no Jen. And 7:30 turns to 8, which turns to 8:30 which turns to 9am and still -- no Jen. Very unusual. We've been IM'ing since July and Jen never failed to be up at that time on the weekend. In fact, she's typically up around 6am. So now I'm worried, and more than that, I'm missing her desperately. So I text her "Good morning, darling - you avoiding me?". And some time goes by with no response, but after about 20 minutes she sends me an IM "I'm not avoiding you and I'm not giving you the silent treatment as the wife is want to do, but I just need my space today.. I can't cry anymore.."

And I got that giant lump in my throat. So I responded that I'd respect her wish to give her space, leave her alone for awhile, but we still continued to chat for almost an hour. Getting it all out on the table .. her emotions .. my emotions .. our plans for 2010 and beyond ... Many tears were shed during that session on my end. But when we ended the chat, I told her I would continue to give her her space that New Years day, let her recover ..and hopefully pick up the next day.

But as the hours went by, it proved to be the most difficult morning / early afternoon of my life. All this silence only made me imagine a life without her, and frankly I wasn't ready for that. It killed me not to talk with her .. to hear her voice, her laugh, her giggle, her "LOL's" in a text or IM chat. I couldn't believe how much I missed her, and I spent a good portion of the day in tears. Try to explain THAT ONE to the wife and kids... I was a literal mess.

Then it was off to another family party around mid-afternoon, and we stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things. I went in alone, and it gave me the opportunity to fire off a "This is the worst day of my life" text to Jen. I just couldn't hold back any longer. And then I held my breath waiting for a response. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. **VIBRATE***. Yes!!!! Within a minute she replied "I was going to text you as soon as I left the supermarket. I miss you so much!" Coincidentally, Jen was out grocery shopping as well.

So I gave Jen her needed space, but thankfully she only needed it until around 3pm. After that we exchanged texts the rest of the day, had a pleasant IM chat that night, and have basically picked up where we left off -- Hopelessly in Love....

And it wasn't long before Monday came, and we were wrapped in a longing embrace once again. Orgas-O-Meter = Orgas-O-Meter + 1.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Holiday Post-Mortem

The holidays are over.. thank goodness!!

I’m truly not a Scrooge. I love all the excitement and good feelings that go with the holidays.. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. All filled with plenty of food, family, laughter and celebration. Oh yes, throw in alcohol as well… we do find that a big part of celebrating even though after my token 2 drinks..this party animal is ready for a nap.

So, the holidays began and I had that sense of dread as I imagined Mark enjoying these times without me, and I without him. We are going to break down the holidays from our different perspectives. Of course, things are never as we imagine them to be, so.. my conceptions of his holidays compared to the reality .. well, you will see.

(Jen)Thanksgiving wasn’t so bad, it is only one day and we eat lots of turkey (which makes us very sleepy) and I spent it with my folks and kids. OK.. check that one off.. not so bad.

(Mark) Yes, Thanksgiving went off without a hitch. We had a lot of time together at Jen’s house leading up to the holiday -- which helped of course -- and the day … the weekend … came and went without event. Another thing that helped immensely was I told the family I was working the Friday morning after Thanksgiving .. which I did .. but only for a couple of hours. A detour on the way home found me at Jen’s house once again. This served to breakup the long weekend considerably, and gave us a chance to recap our holiday together. Not to mention the opportunity for some good makeout time. I do want to emphasize that most of our time together is spent out of the bedroom and fully clothed. Many hours are wiled away laying on the couch together chatting, laughing and yes .. making out. While our sex life is well documented, it’s these moments I cherish the most – moments that as we grow old together, we’ll reflect on whimsically.

(Jen)Christmas was a little tougher.. although we had our 2 day rendezvous just prior, all the parties and gatherings that we would be at without each other seemed to be a reminder of what our hearts truly wanted this holiday. I asked him to stop telling me of all his plans with “the Wilsons” or “the Malones” as the ‘friend’ parties were hardest for me to bear. That was a reminder of HIS life for me. I was just his “dirty little secret” that no one knew existed in his world. It’s much different in my world, he’s been to my house, met my kids and some of my friends, been to where I work and met some co-workers. I, am but a figment in his life. But, I still had my 3 kids all together for the first time in a year, and that was very comforting. Christmas done… check.. 2 down, 1 to go.

(Mark) Yes, it’s a little tough walking the tightrope that is my position in this relationship. While my immediate reaction at all times is to keep Jen “in the loop” as to my day-to-day activities, sometimes I need to take a step back and consider her feelings – her reaction – before I send off that text telling her we were invited to dinner at the Wilsons – or whatever. Since we met back in July, we are in almost constant contact – be it email, IM, phone or texting. And it would just feel strange NOT telling her where I was, or worse yet, lying to her about what I’m doing. Heck, I do enough lying to my family and coworkers – it’s hard to keep ‘em all straight all the time – let alone start lying to Jen. So I opt for the truth with her .. and sometimes when I least expect it, the truth hurts. I need to pay more attention to that.

(Jen)Then came New Years. I knew this was going to be tough. Kids all gone. The house was quiet… Mark was “partying” with the wife and kids at another “friends” home. Compound that with a bit of bad news I had gotten earlier in the day and by 7pm I was pouring my first glass of wine.. 7:04 my second… trying to dull the ache of the empty new year. The images don’t stop… Mark laughing and having a good time with the wife and friends. The New Years kiss at the stroke of midnight. The laughter and smiles as they wish each other Happy NEW Year. I tried to get lost in the Twilight Zone marathon (for who doesn’t just love those episodes) but, couldn’t keep the other thoughts from crossing over. After being sad for what felt like an eternity.. I decided to sleep would be the best escape.. so shortly after 8:30 I took my sleep aid. Mark texted me a few times during the night but, instead of making me feel better, they just frustrated me. I finally told him I was off to bed at 9. That was all I remember as I awoke to a New Year and a bunch of texts and missed calls on my cell.

(Mark) Yes, New Years was indeed a miserable time .. for both of us. This was totally unexpected for me, as I was so focused on us getting through Christmas that I didn’t see that Jan 1 brick wall staring us in the face. You see, New Years has never been an eventful holiday for me nor my family, and I just tend to brush it off as just another day. Yes, we do a New Years Eve party with many of the families at my kids school, but it really is focused on the kids. Since my kids are still young, they get a big kick out of staying up late at night together, doing the countdown, and ringing in the New Year. I spend a lot of time looking at my watch, and wishing I was in bed.

But new relationships bring new emotions and little did I realize how big a holiday New Years had been in her past. And I started to become aware of this in the days leading up to Jan 1. It was a slow week at work, so once again we were able to manage plenty of time together early in the week (see Coitus Interruptus), and it was during this time together that I began to realize that Thursday and Friday weren’t going to come and go easily. I really began to worry about Jen and how she was going to handle all this … alone. And as much as I worried about it and as much preparation as we did for it – it turned out much worse than I ever anticipated.

As New Years Eve day wore on, I would check to see if Jen was online on IM .. and nothing. Very unusual. I texted her a couple times in the morning and early afternoon, and she was responsive, but it’s a bit difficult trying to determine someone’s emotional state in a 160 character text message. I then had the opportunity to call her once in the afternoon, and she did sound in good spirits. But as the sun started to set in the early evening, I just got a sense things weren’t right. My family and I were getting ready to head over to a neighbor’s house for dinner around 6pm, but I intentionally procrastinated so they would leave without me, so I could shower and give Jen one last call before I walked over to join them. And again .. the phone call went without incident. We talked, we laughed, wished each other Happy New Year, and I hung up feeling that perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad.

But that couldn't have been further from the truth. And that story is worthy of a standalone post ... Coming soon