Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happy New Year? -- I don't THINK so!

So to continue on my posting from yesterday.. I talked to Jen around 6pm on New Years Eve before I headed down to meet the wife and kids at a neighbor's house for dinner. Like I said, she sounded in good spirits but Jen ALWAYS sounds that way on the phone. I get a better feel for her mood through an IM chat or even a text message than I do in a phone conversation because as always, when we are "connecting" with each other via good, old-fashioned human interface, as Jen likes to say -- "All is right with the world". So before we hung up, she mentioned she would have a glass of wine or two to get her through the night while I'm out "partying" with the family and she spends New Years Eve alone.

So around 8:30pm I send her a quick text -- "Hammered yet? :)". And a good sign -- she responds almost immediately -- "First one went down easy .. the second is going a little slower". OK, she's still with me. Around 9pm I follow up with "Already into my 2nd cup of coffee .. I'm ready for bed!" And again a quick reply -- "I'm headed for there too". Not too verbose, but it's good that she's still communicative. Perhaps this WON'T be so bad. But little did I know that would be the last time we "spoke" until New Years morn.

So now the party moves over to another school family's house and there's a lot of people, most of whom I'm very good friends with. I'm having an OK time, but as ALWAYS is the case since I met my lover, I just can NOT have a good time without her. And it shows. People ask "Are you feeling OK? You look tired". "I'm fine .. Yeah, it's been a long day. I'm too old for this". I mean, how else am I to respond? "I miss my girlfriend terribly!! I'd like nothing more than to be making passionate lover to her, having a simultaneous orgasm as the clock strikes midnight!!" Yeah, that would go over well at school.

So midnight comes and goes and I fall further into a depression. I'm sitting with the kids (I'd tired of the adult talk by this time) and they're watching one of those New Years Eve Dick Clark specials and on comes Colbie Callait singing "Falling for You". This was one of the first songs that Jen and I listened to together after we had realized we were falling in love. Well, I almost lost it at that moment. But I have to continue to play the role of Happy Hubby and Dad, despite the fact that I'm no damn good at all at it. In the meantime I text Jen a "Happy New Year" message around 12:05 and as expected -- no reply. I really didn't expect one, but I figured perhaps she might wake during the night at which time she'd leave me a text to wake up to in the morning. We arrived home around 1:15, and again I texted Jen a "We're home now .. I thought about you so much tonight. Good night, darling. I love you!" and before I went to bed I went searching for the Twilight Zone marathon that Jen mentioned. I just needed to have SOME connection with her before I went to bed, and that was the best I could do. My mind was racing with thoughts of how badly I missed her.

So New Years morning arrives and I'm up at my usual 7:30am on the weekends. I set my status to "Available" on IM, but -- no Jen. And 7:30 turns to 8, which turns to 8:30 which turns to 9am and still -- no Jen. Very unusual. We've been IM'ing since July and Jen never failed to be up at that time on the weekend. In fact, she's typically up around 6am. So now I'm worried, and more than that, I'm missing her desperately. So I text her "Good morning, darling - you avoiding me?". And some time goes by with no response, but after about 20 minutes she sends me an IM "I'm not avoiding you and I'm not giving you the silent treatment as the wife is want to do, but I just need my space today.. I can't cry anymore.."

And I got that giant lump in my throat. So I responded that I'd respect her wish to give her space, leave her alone for awhile, but we still continued to chat for almost an hour. Getting it all out on the table .. her emotions .. my emotions .. our plans for 2010 and beyond ... Many tears were shed during that session on my end. But when we ended the chat, I told her I would continue to give her her space that New Years day, let her recover ..and hopefully pick up the next day.

But as the hours went by, it proved to be the most difficult morning / early afternoon of my life. All this silence only made me imagine a life without her, and frankly I wasn't ready for that. It killed me not to talk with her .. to hear her voice, her laugh, her giggle, her "LOL's" in a text or IM chat. I couldn't believe how much I missed her, and I spent a good portion of the day in tears. Try to explain THAT ONE to the wife and kids... I was a literal mess.

Then it was off to another family party around mid-afternoon, and we stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things. I went in alone, and it gave me the opportunity to fire off a "This is the worst day of my life" text to Jen. I just couldn't hold back any longer. And then I held my breath waiting for a response. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. **VIBRATE***. Yes!!!! Within a minute she replied "I was going to text you as soon as I left the supermarket. I miss you so much!" Coincidentally, Jen was out grocery shopping as well.

So I gave Jen her needed space, but thankfully she only needed it until around 3pm. After that we exchanged texts the rest of the day, had a pleasant IM chat that night, and have basically picked up where we left off -- Hopelessly in Love....

And it wasn't long before Monday came, and we were wrapped in a longing embrace once again. Orgas-O-Meter = Orgas-O-Meter + 1.

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