Sunday, July 4, 2010

So many tears I've cried, so much pain inside

...but baby it ain't over 'till it's over. Lenny Kravitz.

Well, by now you've all heard what's transpired over the past couple of weeks between Jen and I. And I want to take the time to thank everyone for their heartfelt thoughts, kind words and yes -- even the "I told you so's" Some of the emails Jen received have been incredible, not only in their length but in how much thought and emotion was put into them . .. Jen passed many of them along to me, as so many of the comments were about my family situation and how many of you have gone through similar trials and tribulations at home with the spouse and kids.

But here's an attempt to tell my side of the story over what happened a couple of weeks ago ... As Jen explained, it all started when The Wife made my Father's Day absolutely miserable when she started a fight over an incredibly minor event in the car on the way home from my daughter's soccer game. She was screaming at me, I returned the favor, and my daughter got terribly upset over the whole thing. I never saw her react like this .. she was just sobbing uncontrollably over seeing her parents carry on like that and her crying continued on long after we arrived home.

That shook me ... I slumped in a chair in the garage and texted Jen, telling her World War III had just erupted. Jen was upset that my Father's Day was ruined and I was livid that the wife had let such a minor transgression (answering the cell phone while driving) ruin the entire day. And then it got me thinking. Yes, the wife is brutally overbearing, controlling and downright intolerable. And screaming at me or the kids at the top of her lungs is status quo -- just another day at the office.. But the difference this time was how I reacted, screaming right back at her. Despite the fact it was well deserved and a long time coming, still and all it was out of character for me .. And it started me thinking about how outside of my time spent with Jen, how irritable and downright miserable I've become over the past month or so.

Like I've said before -- I've put myself in a position where I'm not making anyone happy. I try to move heaven and earth to see Jen each and every day, and while successful 90% of the time it still isn't enough. Not for her and not for me as well. You see, I WANT to spend more time with her and each and every time I'm with the family doing this and that I find my mind wandering, thinking about how much I want to be with her. And because I want to be elsewhere, in the here-and-now I've become incredibly irritable, snapping back at the wife (never the kids) whether she deserves it or not. (Editors Note: she usually does). So the wife's sure not happy with me, and neither is Jen.. The wife certainly notices my mood changes, as I've become quite a different person at home since I met Jen. So now on this Father's Day, it's all coming to a head ... I have no idea the person I've become, and it's all crashing down around me..

So I meet Jen for lunch the next day, and sure enough she can tell I'm not myself. My mind is still on the Father's Day Debacle, and she can sense I'm troubled by everything -- not only with my home life, but my relationship with her. So we both agree -- I've got to sit down and talk with the wife that night and find out where this marriage is going. What does she want from me? What do I want from her? All the questions that have burning inside me .. .burning inside Jen .. it was time to bring that all out on the table....

And what happened that night set off a whole series of events that ultimately culminated in that fateful, post-therapy phone call from Jen when she tearfully told me "I think I need to take a break from all this..."

And thus, the "breakup". Quotes intentional.

More to come ...


  1. Well I do hot it works out for the best one way or the other.

    Seems to me (and I have no personal experience here but just observation irl and net) that when people have viable outs their outlook changes. Just how it seems to me.

    Best of luck to you both.

  2. I've only just started reading your blog so I haven't read it all yet.
    Emotions and Relationships can have you soaring high one minute and in the depths of despair the next. You guys will work out what is best for you both.. Still it's never enjoyable when you are "in" it.
    Warm wishes for you both.

  3. I'm glad to read Mark's post on this... I can't wait to read more and I'm sure if there is a decision to be made, it will be done together.

  4. perhaps a cool off period may be good to both of you. Jen's pain is totally understandable being a woman myself but yet it's tough on your side to maintain that non-achievable balance between your young ones & Jen. i hope that things will move on from here somehow, where you/both of you can work something out from this.

    i do admire Jen for her courage for making such an unbearable painful decision to call for a cool off period. wish both of you luck :)


  5. You two are in love. You also both seem to be able to talk and listen to each other. I do believe you'll work everything out. Mark, please don't give up your heart, you will be miserable and broken.

    I hope that your wife will not just hear your words to her but will also listen to you. She needs to understand that you have to be happy in order to be able to take care of your family. Whether it's with her or without her, you HAVE to be happy or nothing is going to work. Period.

    As always, good thoughts being sent to you and Jen.


Thanks for your thoughts... we always welcome them, negative or positive... so, fire away !