Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Why Let it Go?

We apologize for taking so long to bring you up to date regarding our relationship, but things kind of took on a life of their own and unforeseen complications made us put the blog on a back burner for a bit. Let me bring you up to speed.

Early in our relationship Mark's Mom had been complaining of back pain. On Dec.23rd Mark got the call from his sister that it was cancer. So despite having to deal with all the other issues at hand, he was also doing the Dr./chemo thing with his Mom. Early test results after the first round of chemo seemed promising, so we had great hope.

As so often happens with this dreadful disease, it made it's comeback with a vengeance and Mark's poor Mom began to falter. Not eating, long bouts of just sleeping, constant pain and his poor Dad who appears in the early stages of some sort of dementia, unable to remember from day to day that his poor wife was dying. This all came to a head right after our break up as she became so weak she entered the Hospice facility. Mark was with her every free moment, along with his family. We have often stated that over this last year, we have not just become lovers, but each others best friend. Mark has lost contact with most of his good friends over the years because the wife felt his time with them was “ruining the marriage”. We still needed and wanted to share our good and bad moments, especially this turn of events.. so, we stayed in touch as he kept me updated.

The days following the break up were brutal for both of us. I cried most of the weekend.. wavering between how much I missed him and how I felt I was doing the best thing for him and for me. How could this be right if it felt so bad? The big picture of giving him his family back was getting harder to see. Days went on... we kept in touch via IM or text as his Mom became less responsive, Mark began to realize that she may not survive this much longer, all of this just days after our break up.

Now...add to that .. I started having 'female' problems. At 50 I was hoping I was done with this stuff, but.. not me. . I thought these problems were just due to the stress of all that was going on but finally after chatting with Mark I gave in and made an appointment with my Gyn. I came to find some heartbreaking and disturbing news and I had no one I wanted to talk to more than my best friend. We finally decided to see each other and made a date for lunch the next day..

I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw him, but I knew my heart was pounding in my chest in anticipation. We were going through so many different emotional loops between the break up, his mother and my issues. I was outside as his car pulled up.. and the minute he walked out of the car and toward me.. I couldn't keep myself from wrapping my arms around him for one of my favorite Mark hugs. No fear, no doubts, no cares or concerns … all I knew was, this is the best place in the world to be and nothing felt more right. As we sat and talked, it wasn't long before we talked about the promises we made... the year long plan and our future to be together. My therapist said I had lost that sparkle in my eyes.. but, being with Mark for that first time in awhile made everything all right. .

Mark's Mom passed away a few days ago.. and I know he is grieving and needs his family around him.. I know that my being there for him then and now helped to make this a tiny bit easier.. but, now we get back to life. We are back to “US” for we both realized that when we are together...

All is right with the world.


  1. Life hasn't made it easy for you both... Big hugs and happy to know you are together again!

  2. So very sorry to hear about the passing of Mark's mother. Also sorry to hear that you have health problems - I hope you will soon be better.

    But so very glad to hear you are a couple again.

    Best wishes,

  3. My deepest sympathy to Mark and his children.

    I'm very glad to hear that you two are seeing each other and it's good. I believe that you both found out how much you mean to each other. Hopefully, new strength will come for this for both of you.

    How are YOU? Are your health problems resolved?

  4. Sorry to hear of Mark's Mother passing.Glad you two are a "pair" again.
    Look after your self Jen. I hope your health issues are resolved quickly and with a good outcome.

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about Mark's mother; Dean just lost his grandmother who was very special in his life -- a very great lady, so I empathize greatly with Mark's loss.

    But how are you? You said you got bad news at the doctor? Let us know how you are.

    I sure hope you feel better and get healthy soon.

    Best wishes,

  6. Mark, so sorry for your loss.
    Jen, I think maybe your therapist sucks.

  7. Horrible time for both of you but sometimes it takes great sadness to make you realise how important some things and people are in your life.
    The therapist? Sometimes they just make you look at things from a different point of view, try things out.
    If you give someone up, it also gives you time and space to reflect on the hole left.
    You can be more objective and know what you need.


Thanks for your thoughts... we always welcome them, negative or positive... so, fire away !