Saturday, February 6, 2010

Butterfly Kisses......

I feel terrible.

I just got a text from Mark who is on a date (father/daughter dance) with his 2 girls.

The text read.. "Just danced with the girls to Butterfly Kisses. A real tear-jerker"

UGH. What am I doing?

This is an amazing man who adores his girls more than life itself. His younger daughter Sara, the one who "cracks him up" with her quick wit and silly girlish chatter. She is sure she will grow up to be a rock star... and won't even consider it not to be an option.
Then there is Allison.. who is Daddy's girl. She and Mark have that wonderful relationship.. she makes him lunch, goes with him on errands.. wants to be with Dad and just cherishes him, and Mark feels exactly the same about her. So, what do I think I'm doing?

What selfish bone in my body thinks its fair to take him from these 2 little beings who probably couldn't imagine waking up not to see Daddy sitting at the table with his coffee and paper. These sweet children he brought into this world with the expectation of watching them grow from innocent, lovable young girls to arrogant but still lovable teens? What would happen to them if one day, Daddy wasn't there to kiss them goodnight. Will their whole life come unraveled?

I at the moment, wish I could turn back time.. or move it ahead.. or just make it stand still. Apparently I don't know what I want... but, I know I don't want to hurt two beautiful young souls who expect their lives to be this happy and simple forever. How could I ask him to leave that for me?

I can't... can I?


  1. Hi gorgeous

    We are certain the girls would be better off with their dad happy and with him role modelling a relationship that is warm and loving with you than one that is distant. Loverboy stayed in a relationship with his ex wife for longer than he should have solely for the childrens sake (his now ex had emotionally abandoned him years earlier) and he was miserable and shut down on so many levels. Then he met me and the rest is as they say history. It has not been easy (nightmare exe's) I won't pretend it has been, however our relationship with our children and our relationship with each other is such a precious gift. Don't deny yourself and Mark a chance at real happiness, life my sweet is way too short. Many go all their life and never find that perfect one for them - their soulmate. Cherish this special love you have both found and all will turn out just fine.

    Happy for you to email us anytime. We are 9 years down the track from you and so thrilled that we took the risk on love. Loverboy's daughter was 7 when I first came into her life, she is now 16 and we have a beautiful, loving bond and only last week she told me during a quiet chat how happy and content it made her growing up knowing how much I love her dad and her (her mum has bounced from one relationship to the next) and also how much she values and loves me.

    Must also say Loverboy and I both love the song Butterfly Kisses. Mark may also like this one as it has similar sentiments and never fails to bring a tear to my eye.


    Alabaster Legs

  2. Alabaster:

    I came home from the dance last night and opened the blog to find Jen's heartfelt post. And I went to bed last night trying to figure out the all the right things to say to her when we eventually chatted in the morn, only to wake up three hours later to find my Guardian Angel from Down Under had already taken care of that for me.

    I think years from now when Jen and I are long into our eternity together, we will look back at your comment as one of the turning points in our relatiionship. Thank you so much for taking the time to write -- there is no way I could have ever said it better myself.

    It's at times like this that I have to thank my lucky stars for the wonder that is the Internet. It brought me to the love of my life, and now has provided me some much-needed, middle-of-the-night therapy. You are truly a God send.

    Thanks again.


    P.S. I'll check out the Youtube link in the morn.

    P.P.S Good morning Jen -- I love you darling, heart and soul!!!

  3. This, is a tough one. The night I saw my Beloved's beautiful blond daughter (when nearly busted) crushed me. There is no way to avoid processing that feeling, knowing you could potentially destroy that child's life for your own selfishness. In my case, he has two other children, and I have my own offpring to is the price we pay (the feelings) when we let ourselves engage in extra-marital affairs/falling in love. That is why we have an imposed wait of 8-10 years for us leaving. But that is just us, and everyone is different. You will know what feels right as you work through this. You have my sincere empathy and support.

  4. CW:
    Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. This kind of relationship comes with a price, and you are right.. each one of us may know that going in, but, until we have to face the reality of it, it all seems so easy. I know Mark and I can't imagine waiting that long but we are probably more than 10 years older than you already.. so.. we have a much more limited time scale. I could never intentionally hurt a child but maybe Alabaster is right.. the best thing we can do for our kids is show them a relationship that is truly love based, and envelop them into it.
    We appreciate your support and caring and know that.. we are rooting for you and Jack from the sidelines as well!

  5. And if I may inject a little humor into this very serious subject, if I was ever to propose an 8 year time frame to Jen, needless to say my balls would be bluer than blue for the duration!

    Seriously though CW, thanks for your response. We're establishing quite a support network here, aren't we?


  6. Loverboy had two children and I had one when we first met. Both of us took our marriage vows and our responsibility towards our adored children very seriously. I very much wanted that "picket fence life dream" and had married my first love at 21, the first and only person I had engaged in any sexual activity with. We had battled to have children together and after much heartache and loss we had one precious, healthy, gorgeous son. However just when things should have been going great he had an early (mid 30's) mid life crisis and we grew apart despite my very best efforts. He is still stuck mind you and like Loverboy's ex has not settled and found true love. I actually made the choice to leave for my son (as well as my needs), I looked on it a little differently in that I wanted him to have the VERY best example role modelled to him so that he would not see us and our relationship as one to aspire to. His dad was treating me/our relationship with a level of disrespect and there was not the warmth that there once was. Now 16 almost 17 my son has his first gf (1 year now) and my heart sings when I see him treating her like a fine piece of porcelain china, holding her heart in such loving hands. He has picked up on so many of Loverboy's mighty fine traits over time and I can clearly see that his influence has been very much a positive in his life. Loverboy and my son are very close indeed and he has learnt much about being a man from him. Loverboy's son was just a teen when we got together and said to his dad at the time..."Dad why didn't you leave earlier as much as you tried to hide your unhappiness I could so tell you were sad." Kids really do want happy parents and if that means two families then they do adjust rather quickly in a situation where there is lots of trust and love to go round. We have had counselling as have the kids and the professionals in this field all echo these sentiments.

    I do love the saying

    "It takes a village to raise a child" Children are never harmed by too much love and a sense of balanced security. They are harmed in my opinion by parents that are not connected emotionally.

    Much love to you both as you travel this difficult path.


  7. Alabaster:

    Again, I believe you are right. Kids sense so much more than we know.. and if I am to believe what Mark says.. although there is no physical fighting or out and out shouting matches at home, there is also no hugging, or sweet expression of caring between him and "the wife" either. So, the kids probably do realize that there is unhappiness there.

    My kids, although older by the time my ex and I split.. said the same thing "You should have left a long time ago Mom." And your point about hoping that the kids have positive role models for a future relationships they may have is a very sound reason for moving on.

    My momentary concern last night was brought on by my thoughts of my own selfishness.. and how my love for Mark could destroy his kids. But ultimately, I think our love for each other is certainly going to be good for his kids. He likes my kids and I know I will love his as my own.. and all of our children together will be a "family".

    Thank you for your love, support and thoughts. You helped both Mark and I through a rough night. Keep sharing.. we will probably have lots of questions to come!

    Bless You !! ~Jen

  8. A happy, fulfulled, loving parent is better than a depressed miserable one. He will always be their Daddy regardless of where he is.

  9. nitebyrd: sounds great in theory.. I hope its true in the reality .. but, I appreciate that you all feel like, I'm not the bad guy here. Love makes you do crazy things... doesn't it?


Thanks for your thoughts... we always welcome them, negative or positive... so, fire away !