The Orgas-O-Meter

For our loyal readers out there (OK -- maybe readers shouldn't be plural), you've heard me reference the Orgas-O-Meter in some of my posts documenting our sexcapades. Well, my friends ... it REALLY does exist!! See above...

OK -- call me a nerd, call me a geek... I confess. I mean, only some four-eyed, horned-rimmed, coke bottle glasses pencil-necked geek would DO such a thing, right? Well, I do wear contacts.

But seriously -- it must be the engineer in me. Or the Sabremetric-loving baseball fan. You know, pouring over stats such as OPS (isn't that Orgasms Per Second?) and ERA (Erections Requiring Arousal??). But there it is -- all documented in living color in an Excel Column Chart. Let me explain.

The chart documents Jen and my orgasms running from the month of our first sexual encounter (Sep - 2009) until this month, Feb 2010. The blue bars (with the color signifying the color of my balls prior to Sep-09) represent my orgasms, with the pink bars naturally associated with Jen's mind-blowing, mind-bending, earth moving, eye-opening (Hate to brag!!!!) climaxes. As you can see, Jen has earned MVP (Most Valuable Penis-pleaser) status for 6 consecutive months now.

Now we do have rules for what constitutes an orgasm. Well, one rule - we must be engaged in some sexual activity together (no, those times alone in my basement watching YouPorn don't count!) . And I'm sure right now our savvy, dedicated readers are saying "Now wait just one second there, Markie-Mark... It's well documented that Jen enjoys watching you stroke yourself to orgasm - does THAT count?" And I scoff at you skeptics!!!!!! Why of course it does!!! If you indeed were a savvy reader, you would know that Jen usually has her well-lubed finger up my butt or is working our favorite toy up my forbidden passage, and/or has her lips on my scrotum during those self-pleasuring moments -- so heck -- a girl only has so many hands to work with!!!!

Now some of you may look at these numbers and consider them a pittance. A paltry sum. And I admit -- if Jen and I had unfettered access to each other, we would put these numbers to shame. But the fact is, we DON'T have unlimited time together, so I'm sure my adulterous friends can sympathize with me. Back when we started this relationship, because of my limited availability I considered seeing each other once a week and actually getting it on once per month would be a success. Well, much to my delight it has turned into SO much more than that...

157 total orgasms between Sep 4, 2009 and today, our seven month anniversary of when we first exchanged Ashley Madison messages ... Not bad for a guy that was averaging about 2 per month during his 15 years of matrimony...

And today's not over yet. Wink-wink. Happy Anniversary, baby!!!