Days like this leave me with mixed emotions. It feels so amazing to be "out" and able to feel like a normal couple.. but then you return home and the reality of how NOT normal you are creeps in. We hiked for hours (reminding me what terrible shape I have gotten in over the winter months).. then settled in on a blanket for a picnic lunch.. reminiscent of our first few months of time together when we would meet for lunch in a local park a couple times a week. We laugh about how comfortable we are together (after Mark pulls his cock out in the middle of the park with people not far away to 'show me this "little mark" on his dick' ) how we can just talk about anything or feel free to sing together in the car.
I love this man more than I have ever loved any. We make these sacrifices to spend time together and days like yesterday.. remind me how it isn't all about the sex (although I did manage an open air blow job after we moved our blanket to a less busy locale). I long for the days when we can do these things whenever we want, without endless plotting, lying or guilt. I treasure the memories and the pics of the day... but tears flow as I look at them or as I type about it.
Mark is the "glass half full" kind of guy, as you can see.. I am the worrier, the scared one. Being in a somewhat abusive marriage for 20 something years, I have learned to turn off any emotion when it gets too painful. It's how we survive. I am struggling to not shut down and keep my eye on the future. Life has much to offer. The beauty that is out there and the happiness I long for are within reach.
Yesterday... was a small glimpse into what life can be like...
... if I can just hang on.
Posts
i loved this post. Thanks for sharing. Your heart pours through your words.
ReplyDeleteOh honey hang on, I do sense he is so worth hanging on for~! I do feel that this man will not break your trust or your heart! Tis such a contrast of emotions the time you are now in because of the circumstances. All I can suggest is that you both keep moving forward and communicating openly re your plans to be together. Bliss is just around the corner for you two, I just know it is~!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Al
xxx
Hugs
Al
xxx
hang on lady!
ReplyDeletewhen everything else falls, pick yourself up by playing those beautiful memories in your mind. afterall, love is what keeps people going isnt it? :)
Jo
Thank you HC,AL and JO: for your kind words and your support. It's wonderful to have people who care enough to help keep you strong. I just keep wondering ... I'm already 50, when does life get easier? lol.
ReplyDeleteThe best part is the journey to find out!!! :)
ReplyDeletebeautifully written. though i am entirely jealous of the time you guys get to spend together, i totally understand the emotions you have. it's never enough...
ReplyDeleteFrances: Yes, I know that no one knows better than you how precious the time is we have.. esp never knowing when or if it will be the last time. I am lucky to have as much of him as I do, but... no other words necessary I'm sure
ReplyDeleteOh Jen we just want to give you a big squishy hug today~!
ReplyDeleteAl & Loverboy
xxx
A & L: I'd take that hug !!!
ReplyDeletexo