With most of Marks family out of town, we took the day yesterday to do something we don't often get to do. Spend a "day" together as couple.. out in public. Of course we drove an hour out of town to be able to do that.. but, it was a great day in so many ways. The weather was perfect, the locale (a state park.. see pics below)was gorgeous, the freedom to just "be" was the best part of all.
Days like this leave me with mixed emotions. It feels so amazing to be "out" and able to feel like a normal couple.. but then you return home and the reality of how NOT normal you are creeps in. We hiked for hours (reminding me what terrible shape I have gotten in over the winter months).. then settled in on a blanket for a picnic lunch.. reminiscent of our first few months of time together when we would meet for lunch in a local park a couple times a week. We laugh about how comfortable we are together (after Mark pulls his cock out in the middle of the park with people not far away to 'show me this "little mark" on his dick' ) how we can just talk about anything or feel free to sing together in the car.
I love this man more than I have ever loved any. We make these sacrifices to spend time together and days like yesterday.. remind me how it isn't all about the sex (although I did manage an open air blow job after we moved our blanket to a less busy locale). I long for the days when we can do these things whenever we want, without endless plotting, lying or guilt. I treasure the memories and the pics of the day... but tears flow as I look at them or as I type about it.
Mark is the "glass half full" kind of guy, as you can see.. I am the worrier, the scared one. Being in a somewhat abusive marriage for 20 something years, I have learned to turn off any emotion when it gets too painful. It's how we survive. I am struggling to not shut down and keep my eye on the future. Life has much to offer. The beauty that is out there and the happiness I long for are within reach.
Yesterday... was a small glimpse into what life can be like...
... if I can just hang on.
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