Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Don't Make Me Do it Without the Fez On

The past week or so, a few of our blogger friends have posted their condom stories, specifically Frances and Daniel at 29 Pearls and Chloe at the Unfaithful Soccer Mom. Well alas, we have a story of our own to tell.

Jen and I were IM'ing one night a week or two into our soon-to-be-torrid relationship. And she said to me "You know, if we take this to the next level, we're going to have to discuss birth control. I can still get pregnant." Well, I almost fell out of bed when I read that. First of all, I had COMPLETELY forgotten that this sex thing was originally designed for procreation. Shocked is too mild a word. And second of all, The Wife being an ultra right-wing Catholic, birth control was strictly taboo and a mortal sin just to consider it! Never, EVER broach the birth control topic with a right-of-the-Pope Catholic, folks!! So I laughed and replied to Jen that if The Wife were ever to find out about our affair, she'd be more furious that I used birth control than of the affair itself!

So anyway, I volunteered to take on the responsibility and told Jen I'd buy some condoms. But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES was I walking into the local drug store or supermarket and plunking those bad boys down on the counter. Heck, one of The Wife's church cronies could be standing in line behind me! No, I took to Google Shopping and found a vendor that would take Paypal, and ship them to me at my work address in a discrete, unmarked package. But, oh -- the decisions I had to make. Lubricated? Non-lubricated? Ribbed? Nahhhh... But wait -- better super-size it!!! (wink, wink). But after much stress and Google searches of the pro's and con's of each feature, the order was in and we awaited shipment.

Now keep in mind, we held off our sexual activity awaiting condom procurement. Like a good, responsible adulterer should. So we patiently waited and after a week or two, the much anticipated shipment had arrived!!! Book the hotel, babe -- the time has come!! So we arranged for our Friday morning get-together at a local hotel (for full details read here). And we reminded each other 15 times in the days leading up to that morning "Whatever we do, DON'T FORGET THE CONDOMS!" So I packed a few in my computer case (a half dozen oughtta cover it for the morning, I thought -- tee-hee), and before you know it were we rolling naked on the bed, Jen had delivered her first blow job, penetration was imminent .... AND ..........

...we never took 'em outta the computer case. Poor condoms - they were pissed.

Nope, we never used a one. Yes, we've dabbled with them since, specifically for our backyard partying or just because they were there, but I think I still have 90% of them left. All that anxiety leading up to their purchase and delivery -- WEEKS worth, I tell you ... and now those poor fellas just lie there in Jen's nightstand waiting for their chance to perform...

Make us an offer ... we'll ship them to you discretely....

7 comments:

  1. Right or wrong, this post made me chuckle out loud. Seems no one likes those rubbery little buggers. :-) i'm interested to know WHY you guys never used them. Especially if you went to all the trouble. Maybe Jen will have something to say on that topic?

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  2. Spring: The poor little guys would be so excited to get their chance to shine! They're dying for some attention!

    Frances: When push came to shove (pun intended), and the moment had arrived, I asked Jen "Should I grab a rubber?" And she just looked me in the eye and said "don't worry about it." And that was the end of that. We never looked back!

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  3. Frances: I don't quite remember THAT way.. but, wrapped in that moment.. I def didn't want anything to come between us.. and, he is right.. we have never looked back.

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  4. Well now I think I'd chuck the rest of em because getting caught with them would be as bad as being caught together!

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  5. Cute story, you two!

    For the record, you know it took us an entire year to get to going without. That's a lot of trust, and a lot of love that paved the way. Somehow it seems you two knew right off the bat and I love it! When you know, you just know. ;-)

    CW

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  6. Good stories and comments......there is nothing like condom-less sex....I miss it!

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