It’s wonderful being in love.. and even more so when that person loves you back. Duh. No brainer right? But, in this world of “sunshine and lollipops” is the reality of.. what if those 2 people aren’t married to .. each other? (Gasp !)
In that case, love is still an amazing thing but, comes with some hard truths. This time of year is especially difficult. Holidays/family time are all very incompatible with the mistress/affair genre. Mark and I are finding that out as we try to survive this first time experiencing it.. I know we aren’t the only ones suffering through this… but, it sure is the loneliest feeling I have ever had.
The difference for me (us) I suppose is… I am single now, my kids are older (21 and up) and I am free to have a normal, loving relationship. Mark on the other hand, is still married, has younger kids (15 and under) and certainly not capable of sharing the holidays with me. SO the words “normal, loving relationship” are just fantasy when you fall in love with a married man.
Soon I face my toughest of challenges… New Years Eve. On that morning, my oldest child will be flying off back to her normal life on the west coast.. my other children will be spending the night celebrating with their special ‘someones’.. Mark will be with his family and friends, ringing in the New Year.. and I.. will probably be sitting at home in front of a fire with a drink, a book and that empty feeling this kind of choice brings at times. My friends will assume I am with spending the evening with Mark because of course, none of them know that he has a wife already.. nor would I admit to them I will be alone. So… this my dear friends and readers… is the not so bright side of being in love.
Why do this to yourself? Good question, so glad you asked. Honestly, sometimes I am not sure I am doing the right thing, for many reasons which we can’t discuss here now. But, I can tell you this, the moment I see him walking towards me…………..
All is right with the world.
Happy New Year to you all… May 2010 bring you good health, happiness and the realization of every dream … Jen
“There may be a few unknowns here, but one thing I DO know - I could do without many things in life with no hardship-- you are not one of them.” ~Mark
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3 years ago
My dear Jen, I just want you to know that the only one I'll be thinking about tonight is you. While these holidays indeed have a hollow feel to them, 2009 will forever hold a place in my heart, for this is the year that began our odyssey. A journey that will ultimately end in us being together forever. And by "together", I mean TOGETHER.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, darling. You are the love of my life. I can't wait until tomorrow, because I love you more each day.
Mark
this post is heatbreaking. though our situations are different, i too spent new year's eve alone and longing for daniel. we've been dealing with the holidays and lonliness for 2 years now and it never gets easier. i look forward to celebrating with you when you guys are together, for real. keep your chin up!
ReplyDeletefrances: thank you for commiserating with me. I am awed at what you and daniel have managed to get through thus far and I take courage in knowing that.. true love will prevail.. for all of us, I hope. ~Jen
ReplyDeleteI know the alone feeling of New Years Eve. I'm in your same situation, about the same age. Me - divorced. Him - not able to right now. Us - together for two years. The uncertainty of loving each other and yet wondering about the future.
ReplyDeleteRosie... Then I don't need to tell you what joys and sorrows come from this kind of relationship. I don't think I could survive 2 years.. The angst and anxiety of it all would get the best of me. I hope your saga ends soon and you find the happiness you deserve.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and sharing!! ~Jen